Knock First, Damnit!
by Carrie H Potter
Summary: CHAPTER 11 UP! Sequel to Knock First. Bloodthirsty fanwitches? Marriage? Kids? THE WEASLEYS AS INLAWS? Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are in way over their heads. slash HPDM, AU as of HBP
1. Denial, Thy Name is Ginny

**Knock First, Damn-it!**

**By:** Carrie H Potter

**Rating: **PG-13 (T)

**Pairing:** HP/DM

**Genre:** Humor/Romance

**Summary: **(SEQUEL to Knock First) Bloodthirsty fan-witches? The Weasleys as in-laws? Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are in _way_ over their heads. (slash HP/DM)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

I'M BAAAAAAAACK!

**A/N:** So, here it is: the SEQUEL to Knock First! My first sequel; I'm so proud (tears)! I guess you really _don't_ have to read Knock First before you read this, but I would recommend it (look at me…so professional!). This is gonna be a multi-chapter story (that's right!…no one-shot!), and I should post pretty regularly (unless my muse _completely_ abandons me). I'm definitely gonna finish this (I _always_ finish my stories), so never fear. So read on, read on, and tell me what ya think in the end! Cheers!

_**Chapter 1-** Denial, Thy Name is Ginny_

"I'm home!" Draco Malfoy called, sounding slightly muffled, as he kicked the front door closed with his foot. His arms were filled with paper shopping bags stuffed with groceries, his briefcase was hanging precariously from two fingers, and a bouquet of flowers was getting slightly squished in his teeth.

"What took you so…look at you! Lemme help," the raven-haired man who had just exited the kitchen rushed over to help, "Blimey, what are we having for dinner tonight? An eight-course meal?" the man teased. The bouquet finally caught his attention, "Are those for _me_?" he sent Draco an alluring smile. He grabbed the flowers and scampered back into the kitchen, leaving Draco to deal with all of the bags. Rolling his eyes, Draco struggled to follow him, and the bags were promptly dropped onto the kitchen table.

He turned to look at the raven-haired man, who was happily arranging the flowers in a Lenox vase, "Uh, sweetheart? Those flowers actually _weren't_ for you."

The man turned slowly, "Excuse me?"

"Annie, from the office," Draco muttered, blushing and wincing slightly.

The man suddenly grinned, "Poor girl. She really _can't_ get it through her thick head that you're _gay_ and engaged to a _man_, can she?" He wrapped his arms around Draco's waist.

Draco smirked, "No, apparently not. I've tried telling her; really I _have_. But she won't listen" the smirk grew wider, "I'm too damn hot for my own good."

The raven-haired man laughed. "You're a vain bastard," he said fondly, looking Draco up and down, "an admittedly truthful vain bastard…but a vain bastard just the same." He led Draco back into the living room, "I guess I'll just have to show up at your office and set her mind at _ease_," he said playfully. Draco looked at him curiously as the man continued, "At least now I _know_ you weren't trying to establish yourself as the man in this relationship," he winked, "Sorry, hon, but that'd be me."

Draco opened his mouth to protest, but before he could get a word out, he was tackled to the couch and straddled. "Since you're just lying there…" the man whispered huskily.

Draco smiled, "Now, where have I heard that before?" The man winked and leaned down, capturing Draco's lips in a soft kiss. It was just starting to get more passionate when…

The door burst open, and Ginny Weasley barreled in. Her eyes darted around wildly, and spotting the two men in their somewhat _intimate_ position, she blanched and toppled to the floor in a dead faint.

Harry Potter groaned and let his head fall to Draco's chest, "Doesn't _anyone_ understand the concept of knocking?"

Draco smirked, "Must run in the family."

Harry's lips quirked up slightly, "What, the knocking or the fainting?"

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"So, you see, Gin, we've been dating for four years and living together for two and a half and now we're engaged," Harry explained patiently, felling a strong sense of deja-vu. Of course, that would probably be because Ron and Hermione had only just found out about them a month ago, in basically the same fashion (kissing, fainting…yea). Looks like Ron had finally gotten the balls to tell his family about Harry's boyfriend.

"B-but, Harry," Ginny whined, "you _can't_ be engaged to a Death Eater!"

Harry massaged his temples tiredly, "He's _not_ a Death Eater, Gin! God, you're as bad as your brother, if not worse! I love Draco, and he loves me, and that's all there is to it." Harry looked over at his fiancé and gave him a reassuring smile. Wow, fiancé. Who'd of thunk?

"Look, Weas- Ginny," Draco said earnestly, "I'm the 'bride,'" he winced, "so maybe you want to be one of the bridesmaids?"

"Why would I want to be a bridesmaid," Ginny shrieked, "when I want to be the _bride_?"

Harry looked at her, startled. He knew Ginny had harbored romantic feelings for him back at Hogwarts, but hadn't she gotten over them long ago? "Gin," Harry spoke quietly, "even if it wasn't Draco, who I assure you it _is_, it would never be you. I'm gay."

Ginny's eyes filled with tears, "I can't believe it," she said softly. She took one last look at them and then bolted out the door.

"We really need to get muggle locks," Draco stated matter-of-factly.

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"She totally freaked out, Ron," Harry ranted, "I'm getting so sick of that reaction from people. I mean, is it _really_ so hard to believe that I'm in love with Draco Malfoy?" Seeing Ron's face, Harry winced, "Don't answer that."

The head in the fireplace gave him a sheepish look, "I'm sorry, mate. I should have mentioned it to you. When I told the family, Ginny got really quiet and slipped away as soon as I was done. I guess she couldn't believe it and went to check it out for herself."

"How did the rest of the family take it?" Harry asked quietly.

"Pretty well. After we roused Fred and George with water and waved smelling salts under Mum's nose, that is."

Harry rolled his eyes, "Weasleys. Honestly. It _must_ run in the family," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. So they're okay with it now?" Harry crossed his fingers behind his back.

"Yea, pretty much. Mum told me to invite the two of you to dinner on Saturday."

"I guess we'll come. As long as no villagers chase us with pitchforks."

"Harry, mate, Mum and Dad love you like a son. The rest of us think of you as our long lost brother…well…maybe not Gin…"

Harry snorted, "No kidding."

"The point is, we all love you, so it will be fine." Ron didn't look so sure.

"We'll be there. What time?"

"Around sixish. See you then, mate?"

Harry sighed, "Yea, see you then." He stood up from his chair by the fireplace and started toward the kitchen.

"Oh, and Harry?" Harry glanced back at Ron, "Don't worry."

Harry smiled his first real smile in the last few hours, "I'll try not to. Thanks, Ron." Ron nodded and his head disappeared a moment later. As the green flames died down, Harry padded towards the kitchen, rubbing his hands wearily over his eyes.

There, standing at the stove stirring an odd smelling concoction, was the person who was causing all his problems. There, turning to smile at him and wrapping his arms around his neck, was the man who had turned his life upside down all those years ago. So, why did he put up with it? Draco kissed him slowly, running his tongue along Harry's bottom lip. Why not?

"I love you," Draco murmured, burying his face in Harry's neck.

"I love you, too," Harry whispered. _That_ was why he stayed. "Dray, I don't have practice tomorrow, so why don't you call in sick and we can do something together. How about shopping?"

Draco pulled back abruptly and eyed Harry cautiously, "What is it?"

"Huh?"

"Whenever _you_ suggest going _shopping_, it's because you have bad news," Draco accused him.

"What are you talking about?" Harry tried and failed to look innocent, "Oh, all right. We're going to the Burrow for dinner on Saturday."

Draco groaned, "Oh, must we?" He groaned louder at Harry's nod, "Fine, but you're gonna have to buy me a lot of stuff tomorrow to make up for this."

Harry chuckled, "I will, don't worry," Draco's eyes lit up, "C'mon, you git, let's eat."

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"Wake-up, sleepyhead!" a _way_-too-cheerful voice intruded on Harry's pleasant dreams.

He grunted, "Don't wanna," and rolled back over to bury his face in the pillow. He yelped when the warm covers were ripped from the bed. "Give 'em back!" he groped blindly. But instead of the covers, he was handed his bathrobe. Harry sighed and stood.

"That's more like it!" Draco grabbed his arm and hauled him off of the bed, "C'mon, into the shower. Then get dressed so we can be off! Chop, chop!" Draco pushed him into the bathroom.

Harry, now fully awake, winked saucily at Draco, "Sure you don't want to join me, Dray?"

Draco smirked, "Sorry, Leo, love, but I'm all ready to go. Alas," he threw his arm in front of his face dramatically, "if only you'd get your lazy arse out of bed earlier!" and he slammed the bathroom door in Harry's face.

Grumbling, Harry stripped off his pajama bottoms, deposited the robe on the counter, and stepped into the shower. He turned the hot water knob and was drenched in ice-cold water. He yelped and hopped out of the shower. Hearing laughter, he hollered, "You'll get yours, Dray!"

Half an hour later, Harry emerged form the bedroom-showered, dried, and primped to perfection. Draco snorted when he saw him. It took Harry half the time it took him to get ready in the mornings, and he always looked so incredible, like he'd spent an hour or two on his appearance. Draco's eyes roved over his body greedily, as usual. Harry was 6'1, his raven-black hair was as untidy as ever and now brushed his shoulders (and it made him look sexy as hell), the emerald green eyes that were his trademark shone brightly (Draco had _made_ him get the magical procedure to correct eyesight so he'd stop hiding those _eyes_), his tanned skin showcased a sculpted, handsome face, and he was slim, but very muscular from all those extra Quidditch practice sessions (with Draco, of course…). And luckily, living with Draco had finally rubbed off on him: he had impeccable fashion sense. The black dress pants he wore clung in all the right places, and the green sweater hugged his rock hard six-pack like a second skin. With his hair hanging in his eyes, and the shiny, black shoes completing the look, there was no getting around it: Harry Potter was hot and sexy as all get out! Draco just hoped the rest of the world didn't notice (too late for that…professional Quidditch player…).

Of course, Draco was quite a looker himself. He stood at 5'11, and the long, silky blonde hair from a month ago was no more. In its place was short, spiky blonde hair gelled to perfection. His grey eyes were stormy and brilliant and especially captivating when he looked at Harry, and his once sharp features had softened into almost effeminate ones, but not quite. He was also slim, and though not as muscular as Harry, he was better toned than a lot of men. And, of course, Harry _had_ gotten his awesome fashion sense from Draco. He was clad in a pair of khaki colored chinos that were loose but hugged his arse _just_ tight enough to leave nothing to the imagination, and his tight read t-shirt said it all ("Shag me now, please…"). The wooden sandals completed the look to make one hot blonde.

Harry laughed, "Sure, I dress up when you dress down. Can't we ever pick the same day?"

"Hey," Draco said defensively, "you saw what I was wearing before. It's your own fault." Harry hated being dressed up when others were dressed down, especially Draco. It was one of his quirks.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Oh please. I was in no position to study what you were wearing. I was half asleep and the part that _was_ awake was too busy mentally _undressing_ you, anyway." Draco blushed. Harry grinned and held out his hand, "Shall we?" Draco took it and together they apparated to Diagon Alley.

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"No. No chance. Stop waving it, Dray! I am _not_ trying those on." Draco sighed dejectedly and pretended to hang the item of clothing back on the rack, but as soon as Harry's back was turned, he snuck them into the pile slung over his arm. He smirked in satisfaction: Harry in leather pants. Yum.

They'd wandered around Diagon Alley a while, but at Draco's insistence, had ventured into muggle London to visit some of his favorite clothing haunts. Harry was already laden down with shopping bags and they'd only been to _three_ stores. Then Draco had announced that instead of just the odd item, they were now going to shop just for Harry, and so he had dragged him into The Naughty Nineties, a large boutique frequented by men of the homosexual variety. Harry had almost keeled over when he saw their merchandise. Now Harry remembered why shopping with Draco was _always_ a drastic measure.

"C'mon, love," Draco said tenderly, "go try all this on. _All of it_. I'll _know_ if you 'forget' something," he gave Harry an admonishing look. Harry returned a sheepish smile. "C'mon, Leo. I'll even hold all the bags," Draco wheedled.

Harry sighed. He _hated_ trying on clothes and Draco knew it. That's why Draco loved it so much when Harry gave in. "Fine. Give 'em here." Draco grinned, and Harry's bags were promptly traded for an armful of clothes, and before he could say another word, he was pushed into a dressing room. Harry rolled his eyes: gay men.

He deposited the massive mound on the small, rickety chair, and quickly divested himself of his clothing. Standing in only his boxers and socks, he started to sift through Draco's choices. He smirked when he saw the leather pants he'd refused so vehemently hidden at the bottom of the pile. Draco probably expected him to try those on last and with much protesting. Harry chuckled: clearly, Draco still didn't know him as well as he thought…

Draco sunk into the chair right in front of Harry's dressing room. Crossing his legs at his ankles, he stretched and settled in to wait for the show. He knew Harry. He'd try on the jeans and t-shirts first, and after some prodding and pouting on Draco's part, he'd try on the more risqué items, such as those delectable leather pants. Draco licked his lips just thinking about it.

Suddenly, the little cubicle's door swung open, and Harry stepped out, grinning wickedly. Draco's mouth dropped open. Harry was dressed in the leather pants, and _damn_ did they do him justice. They were so tight Draco was surprised Harry could even move. And of course, the top was no better. It was a deep, royal purple long-sleeved t-shirt, ripped strategically in all the right places. It looked literally _plastered_ to Harry's body, and with every move he made, Draco could see his muscles ripple. 'Oh my God,' Draco thought faintly, 'I'm engaged to a Sex God.'

Seeing the look on Draco's face, which was somewhere between utter bewilderment and intense hunger, Harry chuckled, "What, Dray?" he asked teasingly, "I'm only trying on the clothes you picked out for me. And here you look like you're gonna pull a Weasley!"

Draco seemed to come out of his daze, "Why you little…" and he started to advance menacingly on Harry.

Just as he reached him, most likely to ravish Harry within an inch of his life, a voice called out, "_Oh my God_, it's Harry Potter!"

Harry whipped around to see at least two-dozen teenage girls running towards him, "Oh shit," he yelped. He looked down at himself. 'I can't let them see me like this!' he thought in a panic. But instead of doing the smart thing (which would have been to duck back into the changing room, leaving Draco to deal with the mob until he could change), he did the stupid thing. He turned tail and ran.

"Harry!" Draco yelled and did a quick about-face of his own to follow his fiancé, who had just charged out the back door of the store. But Harry had longer legs and a head start, so he was more than half a block's length from Draco already. Draco craned his neck around, and yes, sure enough, those crazy fan-girls were still following them, or more appropriately, Harry. 'But what the hell are a bunch of fan-witches doing in muggle London?' Draco wondered.

Harry turned a corner and when Draco got there, he was gone. "Damn-it," Draco cursed under his breath and looked quickly behind him. The fan-witches were practically on top of him, and not being in as great a shape as Harry, he was slowing. "Oh hell," he muttered and stopped all together.

Most of the witches ran right by him, but two short, frumpier ones squealed, "Harry's manager, Draco Malfoy!" and stopped to meet him. Draco groaned when he got an eyeful of his adoring public. As the girls excitedly asked for his autograph, Draco watched the retreating backs of the rest of the girls and hoped Harry was faring better…

Harry quickly ducked into a store and started towards the back. But then he had the most clichéd idea in the book (something he'd always wanted to try), so he ran back up front, hopped in the display window, and struck a pose. Seconds later, the horde of screaming girls ran past. Harry couldn't stop the small grin that was creeping onto his face.

His grin disappeared, however, when he saw two stragglers puffing to catch up and Draco was close behind them, also breathing heavily. Draco. Oh God, he'd forgotten about Draco.

Without a second thought, he was out the door of the store and in Draco's arms. "Oh my God, Dray, I'm so sorry! I forgot all about you! I just freaked out and started running and…" Draco, who'd almost had a heart attack when Harry had suddenly torn out of a store and flung his arms around him, put his fingers to Harry's lips.

"It's ok, Leo. I understand. You hate the publicity and fan-witches make you nervous. It's all right. Let's just go home."

Harry nodded, and they walked hand-in-hand over to an empty alley, oblivious to the outside world. "Hey, what ever happened to our bags?" Harry asked.

"Oops," Draco groaned. Harry grinned. Thank God he'd never have to wear any of that. "Hey, we never paid for your clothes!"

Harry looked down at the leather pants and purple t-shirt. He laughed nervously, "We'll send them the money."

Draco chuckled, "Ok. You know, back in the store, I thought it would be hard for you to move in those pants. I guess not." He gave Harry a sly grin.

Harry smirked, "I don't know. Wanna find out?" and he winked suggestively. Draco's grin grew wider. Together, they entered the alley and apparated back to their apartment.

Neither saw the two short, frumpy fan-witches exchange sly, vengeful looks.

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** So, yea. That was chapter one. Fabulous? Terrible? Should I write more or never pick up a pen again? Tell me when you REVIEW! And remember…reviews feed my muse…the more reviews…the faster I write chapter two…


	2. The Attack of the Redheads

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N:** well…i was out sick today…actually…i just didn't sleep last night…and i had an algebra II test and a geometry test…so…the incentive to stay home was there ((grins wickedly))…anyway…since i have so much _free time_…here's chapter 2…hope you like it…i think it's a lot better than chapter 1 anyway…by the way…some people didn't understand why Draco calls Harry "Leo"…but i have a really good explanation, i promise!…see…Harry's birth sign is Leo, correct?…and he's a Gryffindor and their symbol is a lion, correct?…yes…_that's_ why…

_**Chapter 2-** The Attack of the Redheads_

Harry cracked open one eye. He listened carefully so he could identify what had woken him up. A second later he heard it: Draco was singing in the shower again (a bad habit of Harry's that he'd picked up). "I'm gonna kill him," Harry muttered as he rolled out of the bed. Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he waved the other and the bed made itself. Still muttering, he headed towards the bathroom, pealing off his pajama bottoms on the way.

He entered the steam-filled room and trudged over to the shower, still half asleep. He tried to tune out Draco's off-key rendition of 'Hello Dolly!' as he pulled open the shower door. There stood the Barbara Streisand wannabe, in all his naked glory. Draco's back was to him, and he hadn't heard Harry come in or slide open the door (because of said off-key bellowing). Harry grinned. Perfect.

Harry slowly slid the shower door closed again and stepped away to lean on the counter. With a muttered incantation and a wave, he waited. Very quickly, the bellowing turned to surprised yelps, and a stuttering Draco tumbled out of the shower. Seeing Harry, he growled, "Why, I outta…" and flung himself towards his fiancé.

Laughing, Harry dodged him. Running out of the room, he threw over his shoulder, "Told you I'd get ya for it!"

"Ahh!" Draco barreled out after him. Seeing him standing there- snarling, dripping wet, completely naked, hair plastered to his forehead- Harry couldn't help it. He did the worst possible thing he could in that situation: he started to laugh. As Draco stood there becoming more and more angry, Harry just laughed. He looked at Draco, then down at himself (still naked, too), and back again, laughing all the while. "That's it!" Draco snarled, starting to advance again, "what the bloody hell's so _funny_?"

"It's just," Harry choked out between giggles, "we're both standing here, completely naked mind you, and all you can do is think of beating me up. Doesn't anything else come to mind?"

Draco blinked and then, with a wicked grin, he let out a roar and dove at Harry, effectively pining him to the bed. For once, Harry didn't struggle to be on top like he usually was. "I hate you," Draco whispered with a fond smile as he lowered his head to Harry's…

_Ring_. Harry blinked. _Ring_. "Damn-it!" he yelled, throwing Draco off easily and storming out the bedroom door to answer the telephone. "What?" he barked, seriously considering the idea of cutting himself and Draco off completely from the outside world for a little while, just so they could finish one stinking kiss without an interruption.

"Umm, Harry?" a hesitant female voice squeaked.

"Oh, 'Mione, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bark at you. It's just…"

"It's ok. I understand. I called at a bad time. I'd call back later, but this is important. When you come tonight, just, umm, tone it down a little. You and Draco are usually all over each other, and well, that probably won't be the best thing for the Weasleys the first night," she said in her brisk, almost run-on-sentence way.

"Uh, ok, right. I get it; don't worry. I was already thinking that myself…"

"I didn't mean that I thought you were too stupid to think of this on your own! I just figured an extra assurance from an outside source would help you, and namely Draco," she coughed, "make the right decision."

"Ok. I'm not sure I followed all that, but ok. If you'll excuse me, 'Mione, Dray and I were kinda in the middle of something…"

"Oooh, I understand. I see. Well, umm, good-bye then." Harry could almost _feel_ Hermione blushing.

"Ok, bye," and Harry started to hang up until…

"Oh, and Harry?"

"Yea?"

"Don't do anything Ron and I wouldn't do."

"But you guys are married with a kid."

"Exactly," and cackling evilly, she hung up.

Shit, Draco was really starting to have a bad effect on his friends.

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"_Draco_," Harry whined, "you _can't_ wear that! Do you _want_ the Weasleys to hate you?"

"Of course, Leo. I _want_ them to hate me, so you'll be miserable that the only family you have hates the man you love. Of course, babe, it's all part of my grand plan," Draco said sarcastically as he waved his wand and the next outfit appeared on his body.

"Well, grand plan or not, if you wear _that_, you'll just scare them." Harry wrinkled his nose.

"What? This is my favorite outfit! It's a classic!" Draco insisted as he checked himself out in the mirror.

"Oh, yea, it's a classic all right. A classic pain in my ass," Harry mumbled. This was always their problem. Though their styles were very similar (Draco had taught Harry how to dress, after all)- preppy, sometimes athletic- they both had little quirks. Harry, surprisingly enough, liked to go a little punk sometimes, and Draco, not so surprisingly, liked to dress as a _complete_ flamer occasionally. This was one of _those_ times.

Draco looked down at his super-tight, ripped-in-all-the-right-places jeans, his equally tight t-shirt that read 'I'm a boyfriend stealer!' and the white sneakers that pulled the look together and shrugged at Harry. "I don't get it, Leo. Usually you love this outfit on me."

"Usually, Dray, usually. When we're alone. _Not_ when you're going to meet your future in-laws," Harry said in a patient voice that didn't betray his growing irritation.

"Oh, fine," Draco gave in, sensing the growing anger Harry was trying so hard to hide, "I'll change. But leave for a minute, will you? I need to be alone for a second." That was as close to fighting as they ever came. When they were both getting annoyed with the other, one would ask to be alone, they'd both cool off, and then it was time for the best part: the make-up.

Harry exited their bedroom and plopped down on the couch in the living room. He ran a weary hand through his hair, and did something he hadn't done since before his defeat of Voldemort: he started to pray.

He prayed that the evening would go well, that everyone would like Draco (except maybe Ginny…but as Ron always said…you can't have everything in life), and that Draco would like them. He also, out of habit, asked for Draco's, the Weasleys', and all his friends' blessing. He had just finished when Draco entered the room with his eyes downcast.

Harry gave him the once over and then he jumped up, rushed over, and gathered Draco into his arms. "Oh, Dray, I'm sorry. They shouldn't care what you wear, and neither should I. I love you for who you are and so should they. I…"

"Leo," Draco interrupted quietly in a muffled voice (his face was pressed into Harry's shoulder), "It's ok. I was being stupid too. Those were ridiculous clothes to wear. I would of probably given Mrs. Weasley a heart attack. I'm sorry, love."

"Now for the making up?" Harry whispered in a sly voice.

Draco smirked, "Now for the making up," he agreed. Harry grinned and slowly lowered his mouth to Draco's…and saw the clock in the process.

"Bloody hell!" he yelped, "If we don't go now, we'll be late!" He pulled away from Draco and made to dash to the fireplace.

"Who cares if we're late?" Draco asked lazily as rewrapped his arms around Harry's neck.

"Umm, Mrs. Weasley will!" Harry protested.

Draco was about to argue some more, but when he saw the pleading look in Harry's eyes, he sighed, "Ok, let's go."

"Alright then," Harry agreed. As they stepped to the fireplace and Draco offered him the flowerpot, Harry groaned slightly, "I _hate_ floo-powder."

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"Mum! Calm down! You have time!" Ron cried, as he watched his mother try to cast five cooking spells at once.

"Time! That's the only thing I _don't_ have! They'll be here any minute!" Molly Weasley screeched, simply beside herself with worry and growing anger towards her youngest son.

Ron was about to say something more when Hermione bustled into the kitchen, "Ron! There you are, dear. I need your help with something." She grabbed his hand and dragged him into the deserted living room. The twins had yet to arrive, Bill was in his room (he was in town for the weekend), and Charlie couldn't come. Ginny was sulking in her room and Arthur Weasley was trying to cajole her into coming down for dinner.

"What'd you do that for, 'Mione?" Ron pouted as she pushed him into a chair and planted herself in his lap, "I was trying to calm my mum down!"

"I hate to tell you this, sweetheart, but you weren't calming her down. Far from it, in fact. I think you were actually riling her up _more_," Hermione whispered.

"Oh well," Ron sighed, "maybe you're right. Heck, you're _always_ right." Hermione blushed. "Anyway," Ron continued, " I like this activity much better anyhow."

Hermione was confused, "Activity…?" Ron grinned and captured her lips in a sweet kiss. Hermione smiled, "Oh."

Five minutes later, Ron tore his lips from hers, "I can't do this!"

"What?" Hermione asked, sounding hurt, "can't do what?"

"Pretend that I don't care that in about five minutes my best friend, my best _male_ friend is gonna show up here so my family can meet his _boyfriend_. I'm a freakin' nervous wreck!"

"Aww, baby, it'll be ok," Hermione stroked his hair, "you'll see. Everyone will love Draco as much as we do. I mean, sweetheart," Hermione winked, "if _you_ could learn to like Draco, anyone can."

Ron gave a small smile, "You've got a point there, angel." Ron sighed, "I just hope everything goes ok. The fates seem to be against the bunch of us for some reason."

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

A loud bang was heard and their eyes jerked to the fireplace. Harry tumbled out. Getting up slowly and rubbing his backside, he smiled faintly, "Hey guys."

They were just standing to greet him properly when another bang rang throughout the house and Draco emerged, brushing soot off his clothes. He glanced at them and grinned, "Hey Mr. and Mrs. Carrot-top!" he said loudly, "you've got a great place!"

Ron groaned at the same time Harry did, "Oy."

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"So, Draco, what is it you do again?" Mrs. Weasley asked quietly, glancing sideways at the blonde seated to her right.

"Well, I'm really Harry's manager, but I'm also the assistant to the Head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports on the side," Draco answered just as quietly. After what had happened earlier, peace and quiet was a blessing.

When Mrs. Weasley had heard Harry and Draco arrive, she'd bustled out of the kitchen quick as lightning. Harry, in his nervous and hyper state, had whipped around to greet her, knocking into Draco in the process. Draco had tumbled to the side and knocked into the old grandfather clock, which had then fallen forward, smashing into a dozen pieces. The twins, who had just entered the room, tripped over it and landed flat on their faces, but not before banging into Ron and Hermione, who collapsed onto Mrs. Weasley. As Harry had stood there surveying all the damage he'd caused, and the others lay tangled together trying to catch their breath, the clock's hands for Fred and George Weasley had slowly moved to 'Home.'

Once the clock had been repaired with a few waves of Mr. Weasley's wand, they'd all sat down to dinner, where no one had said a word until Mrs. Weasley's question. After the fantastic first impression he'd made, Draco was terrified to speak without being spoken to.

"Oi, Harry!" Fred spoke up, "Ron didn't tell us how you two got together. So do tell!"

Harry blanched, "Well, it's a long story actually…"

"We have all night," George said sweetly.

Harry sighed. Damn-it. "Umm, well, after Dray came over…"

"Oooh, _Dray_! Our little Harry has a nickname for him and everything!" Fred cooed.

Harry glared at him, "Do you want to know or not?" At the twin's identical angelic looks, Harry continued, "When _Draco_ came over to our side in seventh year…"

"Not _our_ seventh year!" George piped up.

"Yea, we had the store by then!" Fred added.

Harry waited for their undivided attention before he went on, "Dumbledore put him on his first assignment with me…"

"Look at Dumbledore, playing matchmaker!"

"The sly old dog!"

"Boys!" Mrs. Weasley snapped, "That's enough!" She motioned for Harry to continue, clearly engrossed in his story.

"Umm, ok then. Dumbledore paired us together on his first assignment, and since it was just an observation mission, we had a lot of time to talk. Turns out he actually_ wasn't_ a prick, but a nice guy who…"

"Fancy that…"

"Never would have guessed."

"…had to wear a mask all those years," Harry continued, talking louder to drown the twins out, "We became friends and soon, best friends. Since Ron and Hermione were always so busy with each other, he was about the only constant in my life then. The day before Muller's Lane (A/N: the final battle, silly! read Knock First!), he cornered me and started to tell me all his problems…"

"Whiny bastard."

"I'm with you."

"He said he had a crush on this friend of his," Harry raised his voice even higher, "this _male_ friend of his, and he asked me what I thought he should do. Then he got really close and asked me, 'Do _you_ like guys, Harry?' Well, that made me see what was really going on, so taking my life in my hands, I…umm…well, that is, I…uhh…"

"What? What did you do?" George cried.

"Yes, out with it, man, out with it!" Fred urged.

Harry was turning bright red. Draco knew when Harry turned that color he was a lost cause. Nervously, Draco cleared his throat. All eyes turned to him. "He, uhh," his voice cracked, "he kissed me."

"Oh, is _that_ all?" Fred grumbled.

"Yea, I thought it was something _really_ daring, like throwing you to the bed and…"

"Arthur!" Mrs. Weasley gasped.

Mr. Weasley blushed, "Sorry, I was getting into it."

Harry smiled slowly. At least they had Mr. Weasley's vote. Now to see what the rest of them thought.

Fred and George were sitting there smirking slightly. Mrs. Weasley had a dreamy look on her face, as if remembering old times. Mr. Weasley was grinning and elbowing Ginny, who sat to his right looking miserable. Bill was the only family member with no reaction at all, as he sat next to Draco eating his steak and kidney pie. But, all in all, pretty good.

"Had either of you known you were gay up until that point?" Bill asked quietly, surprising them all.

"Err…good question," Harry stuttered, turning bright red again, "I think I knew something was up that first time I kissed Cho. I just thought it was _disgusting_. I started thinking I leaned more towards the guys than the girls then. I thought they were much better looking at least. No offense," he smiled apologetically at all the women at the table. "But I never liked a guy till Draco." All eyes turned to Draco.

"Well," he blushed, "ahh damn-it! I haven't even told Harry this!" and with that, he pushed away from the table and fled from the room. All eyes swiveled back to Harry, almost as if they were watching a tennis match.

Harry blanched and wondering what the _hell_ was wrong, he hurried after his fiancé.

He found Draco on the back steps, his shoulders slumped and his eyes downcast. Harry sat down quietly, but was not encouraged when Draco showed no sign of even noticing his presence.

"Dray," Harry whispered, not wanting to startle him, "what is it? You know you can tell me. You can tell me everything."

"Not this," Draco whispered back, without so much as moving a muscle.

"Draco, we're getting _married_. If you keep secrets from me now, how can I be sure you won't then?"

"Oh, Leo!" Draco cried, flinging his arms around Harry, " it's not that kind of secret! I promised I wouldn't keep secrets from you." Harry looked at him expectantly. "Oh, all right. But don't say I didn't warn you. I wasn't planning on telling you this for your own good."

"My own good?"

"You're gonna freak out. You may not want to marry me anymore."

"What is it, Dray?" Harry's face etched with worry.

"Well, umm, I didn't fall in love with you seventh year like I said I did."

"_What_?"

"No Leo, calm down. I'm not done," Draco took a deep breath, "I had fallen in love with you first year."

Harry looked at him, blinking, "What? How? I don't understand…"

"I fell in love with you when I was eleven, Leo. Oh sure, I didn't realize it at the time. I thought I hated you. But you know what they say, as clichéd as it sounds: there's a fine line between love and hate. I guess it was the middle of fourth year that I realized how I really felt about you. I think it was when you were entering the lake for the Second Task. I was afraid you wouldn't come back. At first I wrote it off as nothing, just a quirk, but soon I could deny it no longer. I was in love with Harry Potter. My only love sprung from my only hate. But what did I do? Treated you just as horrible as always."

"But when Dumbledore paired us together on that first mission," Draco continued,"and you were so nice to me, I decided I might finally have a shot. So, right before you went off to your most-likely death, I told you how I felt. And the rest, as they also say, is history."

Harry still stared at him, not really knowing what to think. Draco sighed and hung his head: that's why he hadn't wanted to tell him.

Harry shook himself out of his daze and started to smile slowly. He put his arms gently around Draco, who looked up hopefully. "Dray," he purred, "that doesn't change anything. And I'm certainly _not_ leaving you. If anything, I'm flattered."

"Really?" Draco's eyes lit up.

"Really," Harry smiled, "I don't care when you fell in love with me, as long as you're in love with me _now_." He looked like he was about to kiss Draco, when a thought suddenly occurred to him, "You know Shakespeare?"

Draco smiled, "My only love sprung from my only hate. Of course I know him. The man was bloody brilliant. You do know Shakespeare was a wizard, right?"

Harry looked slightly taken aback, but then he smiled, "Nope. But, I guess you learn something new every day, huh?"

Draco's eyes were on Harry's lips, "Everyday…" he murmured, moving to close the distance between them.

Harry grinned and moved towards him as well…

"Harry? Draco? Are you out…there you two are! We were getting worried!"

"_Ron_!" Harry whined.

&#&

"So, how long have you two been living together?" Mrs. Weasley asked a little too casually as they sat around the living room after dinner drinking tea.

Draco looked up at Harry (he was nestled into Harry's side with Harry's arms around him) and made a what-do-we-say face. It seemed the only fact of their relationship Mrs. Weasley didn't like was that they had been living together before marriage. Harry sighed: best to go with honesty.

"Two and a half years," he said bluntly, startling Mrs. Weasley.

Mrs. Weasley squirmed, clearly wanting to say something, and finally couldn't help it any longer, "But _why_?" she burst out.

"Why…?" Draco asked confusedly.

"Why not just get married and then live together? That's the way it was done for hundreds of years, but now you children insist on living together before marriage. It's, it's…unnatural!"

"But Mrs. Weasley," Harry argued quietly, deciding their only chance was pure, patented Potter charm, "you have to understand. If it were anyone else, I would have waited until marriage to live together. But Mrs. Weasley, this is _Draco_ we're talking about." He winked at her enchantingly, "He's not exactly the easiest guy to live with. I had to make sure I could put up with him, you know." He gave her his Quidditch star, I'll-melt-your-heart smile.

Mrs. Weasley studied Harry, and a small smile curved her lips. Harry wasn't the heartthrob of professional Quidditch for nothing. "Alright, I guess your logic makes sense," she said grudgingly. "At least you have separate rooms, right?" she added with a small chuckle.

Harry and Draco choked slightly and glanced quickly at each other. "Separate rooms?" Draco squeaked.

"Well, alright, you share a room with two beds, then." At their blank looks, Mrs. Weasley gasped, "You _share_ a bed?" At their hesitant nods, she blurted out, "But you haven't well, _you know_, have you?"

They both turned red. Mrs. Weasley blinked at them, and suddenly she gasped and collapsed into Mr. Weasley.

"She's fainted!" he shouted in a panicked voice.

"Geez, these Weasleys just drop like flies, don't they?" Draco smirked.

&#&

"She's doing fine now. Dad has her in bed eating chicken soup and drinking tea. Ginny got the doctor and he gave her a clean bill of health, so no worries," Ron smiled encouragingly.

"I know, but I still feel terrible. We sent the woman into _shock_ for God's sake," Harry muttered.

"Yea, she couldn't fathom the idea of people shagging before marriage. Too sheltered, she was," Ron said wisely.

"Yea, but she probably hates us now!" Harry cried.

"No, she doesn't. After me and 'Mione explained that it's a normal thing these days, she calmed down. And after we told her we hadn't waited till marriage either, she…well…she…"

"Fainted again," Hermione finished.

Draco stifled a chuckle. These Weasleys were just too funny. "But she's ok with it now?" he asked in a concerned voice.

"Yea, she's ok with it," Ron sighed, "it took some convincing, but she's ok with it."

"Thank God," Harry let his head fall to the table.

"There, there, Leo. It's ok," Draco rubbed small circles on his back. "He was a basket case all night," he mouthed to Ron and Hermione, who nodded sympathetically.

After Mrs. Weasley fainted the night before, Harry and Draco retired to their apartment because Mr. Weasley thought it best if they weren't there when she woke up (might suffer a relapse). Harry was terrified that his surrogate mother hated him and the man he loved and…he had went on in that vein until Draco finally convinced him to go to bed. He hardly slept, and insisted on meeting Ron and Hermione in person the next day. So here they were, in a small café in Diagon Alley, and it looked like Harry's mind had finally been put to rest.

"So, do you two have any plans for today?" Hermione asked brightly.

"Yea. I have a practice at two," Harry said dully, not sounding overly excited at the idea.

"But it's Sunday!" Ron pointed out.

"Yea, but we have that game against the Montrose Magpies tomorrow, and Gulliver won't let us go without another practice."

"Oooh, I hate that man," Hermione muttered.

"Yea, me too," Draco nodded his head vigorously, "he keeps my Leo away from me way too much." Isaac Gulliver was Keeper and Captain of the Chudley Cannons. And most of the time, his great exuberance and drive to win reminded Harry of a freaky twin of Oliver Wood.

"Yea, well, he may be a slave driver, but his leadership has also led us to our past three straight league wins," Harry defended his misunderstood friend, "The Cannons made their comeback because of him!"

"Oh please," Ron rolled his eyes, "the Cannons made their comeback because of _you_, Harry. You've only lost one game to date, and that was in, what, third year? You're the best Seeker in history, Harry. Don't be so modest."

"I'm not the best Seeker in history," Harry protested, "there was Eunice Murray, Roderick Plumpton…"

"Sweetheart, give it up. Admit you're good and let's move on," Draco soothed. Harry sighed, silently admitting defeat.

"Well, I'm sorry to say this, but we have to go," Ron said apologetically, "We have to get this pea soup back to Mum." He held up a paper bag. He and Hermione stood up, smiled, and quickly apparated away.

Harry stood as well, stretching languidly. He threw some coins down on the table and he and Draco sauntered off down the street. They kept a respectable distance from each other (they were in public after all), not wanting to attract unwanted attention to themselves. They'd agreed at the very beginning of their relationship to keep it secret for a while, so as not to affect Harry's career. They were slowly working their way up to outing themselves (with the wedding and all), but not quite yet.

They knew something was up the minute they noticed all the looks they were getting. People usually noticed Harry (he _had_ killed Voldemort and he _was _the best Seeker in the world), but not stop-dead, stare-with-their-mouths-hanging-open noticing.

And then Harry saw it: a small crowd gathered around a newsstand. He pushed his way through so he could see what everyone was looking at. The headline INTERNATIONAL QUIDDITCH STAR GAY AND SHAGGING MANAGER greeted him. And do you know what he did? He fainted.

Draco saw him fall and quickly read the bold red letters for himself. Tottering slightly, he mumbled, "Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em," and he fainted as well.

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** hehe…so there's chapter 2…chapter 3 is in the works…but it might be about two weeks before i post it…i'm sorry ((makes puppy dog eyes)) don't be mad at me!…anyway, please REVIEW…and if anyone can guess how the reporter found out about Harry and Draco…they get a cookie!…yay!

also, do you think i should post _For the Love of Harry_?…you see…i have the prologue finished…and chapter 1 is well under way…and i think it's the best story i've written so far…but i don't want to get tied up with that one instead of this one…what do you think?…think i can handle two stories at once?…i'll include an excerpt from it in the next chapter to help you make your decision…ok then…cheers…


	3. The Boy Who Lives for Men

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**IMPORTANT A/N:** i have a really good reason as to why it took even longer than the 5th!…the floppy disk that i had ALL my stories saved on just up and lost them and my dad has no idea why!…it was horrible and everything i had on it was lost…so i had to rewrite this chapter (luckily i hadn't started chapter 4 yet)…and all my other stories too!…so i have to rewrite everything ((sobs quietly))…someone hates me…i'll try my hardest to rewrite everything well and at a good pace, but I can't make promises…feel bad for me (though it _was_ my own stupidity that caused this…now I know to ALWAYS back my stories up)…but anyway…here's chapter 3 after that ridiculously long wait and i hope it doesn't disappoint too much…i don't think it's that great because i had to rewrite it and you know it's never as good the second time around…but anyway…enjoy.

_**Chapter 3-** The Boy Who Lives for Men_

Harry woke up in a strange bed in a strange room. He sat up quickly and was startled when gentle hands pushed him back down onto the bed. "Easy there, Mr. Potter. You've had quite a shock. Just lie back and relax."

Harry blinked and the room came into clearer focus, "Tom?"

The wizened old bartender of the Leaky Caldron smiled, "That I am, Mr. Potter."

"What am I doing here? Where's…" the morning's events rushed back to him, "Where's Draco? I _need_ to see him!"

"He's fine, sir. In the room next door," Tom calmed him, "So it's true then?"

"What?"

"The news story about you and young Mr. Malfoy?"

"Oh well…" Harry squirmed uncomfortably for a second until he figured the heck with it: they were out now anyway, "Yes, Tom, it's true. Draco and I are together. Not only that, but we're engaged as well."

"That's wonderful, Mr. Potter, just wonderful. Let me tell you, I always had my inklings about that," he smiled, "I'll just go and get you some tea and pea soup. You _stay here_ and get some rest."

As soon as Harry could no longer hear Tom's footsteps on the staircase, he was out of the bed like a shot and hurrying into the next room. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Draco. He was simply lying there with his eyes closed and his hair fanned out on the pillow. A small smile was tugging at his lips, but his breathing had not changed. He was asleep.

It amazed Harry to no end that no matter the situation, Draco always looked perfect. He rarely got ruffled, and when he did, he didn't stay that way for very long.

Harry edged towards the bed, trying not to make a sound in fear of waking Draco. As he neared the sleeping man, the smile on Draco's lips grew, "Harry, love, stop sneaking about. You're making me nervous."

Harry jumped, a look of surprise on his face. It quickly changed to a scowl however: so the bugger had been awake. "You evil, obnoxious git," he growled, "had me all worried and thinking of how beautiful you are, but you were just lying there because you seem to derive some sick pleasure from making your fiancé worried senseless. So, I guess I won't ask you how you feel and offer a kiss to make it all better." Harry turned on his heel and made to storm out of the room.

"Wait!" Draco cried, panic evident in his voice, "I'm sorry, Leo! It's just, I love when you watch me while I can't see you! You know how much that turns me on. I just feel so _overwhelmed _by what happened today. I mean, Harry, I _fainted_. Malfoys do _not_ faint. Imagine what my father and mother would think if they were still alive and sane respectively? They would kill me! I just toppled over in the middle of a public street…"

Harry smirked slightly. Draco only babbled when he was a) incredibly angry or b) nervous and apologetic. Didn't have to be a rocket scientist to see which one it was this time. Harry's smirk grew; he knew which strings to pull to freak Draco out. Oh yes, Harry could _definitely_ see them spending the rest of their lives together.

"…and Tom said Fred and George _carried_ us here because they figured we needed to be comfortable so the store wouldn't do and…" Harry tuned Draco out again, choosing instead to start to advance on the blonde slowly. Draco didn't notice anything until Harry's knees hit the bed, "…and he was threatening me with pea soup again, so…Leo, what are you doing?"

Harry pounced on Draco and lowered his head swiftly until their lips were only an inch apart, "Something I should have done at the beginning of your little speech…shut you up." He touched his lips to Draco's and…

Tom burst in.

Harry leapt off the bed and glared angrily at the ceiling while shaking his fist, "You have something against me and my bloody boyfriend kissing, huh? Do you _want_ me to eventually rape him in public cause I can't even kiss him in private? Huh? HUH?"

Draco and Tom watched him quietly, both thinking that the proud, brave Gryffindor had finally lost his marbles. "Post-headline stress," Draco mouthed to Tom, who nodded gravely. Speaking of headlines, "Leo, dear, snap out of it. We have to figure out what to do about the headline."

Harry snapped out of it, "Oh shit, the headline. I'd almost forgotten for a second," he sighed, "I have _no_ idea what to do about that. I don't know how the hell they found out. I really don't care that they know. But no one's gonna leave us along for months." He threw another glare in the direction of the ceiling. "Hey," he burst out suddenly, "_you're_ my manager! You should know how to deal with this!"

Draco shrugged, "I have absolutely no idea what to do. Come now, Leo, I'm not _really_ your manager. I'm not even quite sure what one in that position is supposed to do."

"I have a suggestion," Tom said quietly, "why don't you _read_ the article. Then you'll at least know what you're up against."

Harry and Draco blinked. Now why hadn't _they_ thought of that? "Could you fetch the wretched piece of journalism for us please, Tom?" Harry asked politely, fear settling into the pit of his stomach. He didn't _want_ to know what the article said.

Tom bowed low and hurried out of the room. Harry sank onto the bed next to Draco, who cuddled into his side, squirming nervously. Harry absently stroked Draco's hair, the thought to kiss him while they had privacy and time never once crossing his mind.

Five minutes later, Tom rushed back in, waving Witch Weekly nervously. Harry took the magazine with intense foreboding. He again read the accursed headline, but this time he saw the picture underneath it. It was from the day they'd gone shopping and were chased by rabid fan-witches. The picture featured them smiling at each other and holding hands. Harry cursed silently. Of course someone would have a camera the one time they let their guard down in public. Harry held his breath as his eyes scanned the article…

**INTERNATIONAL QUIDDITCH STAR GAY AND SHAGGING MANAGER**

Harry Potter: twenty-one years old, graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the Boy Who Lived, the man who defeated He Who Must Not Be Named, International Quidditch star, and the wizarding world's most eligible bachelor. Or is he?

It has just come to this reporter's attention that Harry Potter may not be all that he seems. Or in this case, he is more so.

Harry is almost never seen out of the company of one Mr. Draco Malfoy, his manager. As we all well know, Lucius Malfoy was He Who Must Not Be Named's most loyal servant and second-in-command. Draco, however, did not follow in his father's footsteps and become a Death Eater. He chose the side of the Light. During the war, it is said that Harry and Draco put aside their legendary animosity and became friends. After the fall of He Who Must Not Be Named, Harry gave Draco his position as manager to pay off an unknown debt. Or so we all thought.

The closeness of the two men has always been noticed, and even questioned, on many occasions. They seemed to be _too_ close to be just normal friends. But as Harry was our savior, the _Great Harry Potter_, their friendship was never remarked upon. Until now.

Two days ago, Harry was being followed by some fan-witches while shopping. Draco was with him, and two fans cornered the manager. But after Draco brushed them off rather rudely, the rightly perturbed girls followed him. And what did they find? Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy talking to each other as lovers would. Harry went so far as to make a suggestive comment about testing how well he could move in his new leather pants.

The girls were lucky enough to have a camera with them, so they took the incriminating picture seen above. It appears, my dear readers, that not only is Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived, but the Boy Who Lives For Men.

_For the exclusive interview with the two shocked fans, see page 10…_

Harry slowly put the magazine down. He looked up at Draco and was surprised to see his fiancé completely calm. "How can you be so calm? That was terrible!" he cried, staring at Draco disbelievingly.

Draco smiled tightly, "I'm not calm. This is just better than _completely_ and _totally_ freaking out. Right now I'm having mini anaphylactic seizures inside. I just hide it well."

Harry snorted and turned to Tom, "Can you leave us for a moment please?" he requested quietly, "We have to talk about this in private."

Tom bowed quickly and walked out of the room. Harry turned back to Draco who was still grinning, now rather manically. Harry opened his mouth to try and calm him down, but Draco burst out with, "I don't know what to do, Leo. Why does everything happen to us? Sometimes it seems to me that the world really does hate us. I just wish we could lead normal lives for once," and with that heartfelt speech finished, he promptly broke down into tears and buried his face in Harry's shoulder. Harry stroked his hair softly, muttering nonsense words to soothe him. First a Malfoy faints and now one was crying? The wonders would never cease.

"I have an idea," Harry said suddenly. Draco's head snapped up and he fixed Harry with a look so full of hope that one might think Harry was Christ himself. Seeing Draco's face, Harry shrugged his shoulders apologetically, "I don't know how great it is though, so don't get all riled up." Draco sighed miserably and settled his head into the warm nook between Harry's neck and shoulder.

"What is it?" he asked quietly.

Harry shrugged again, upsetting Draco's head in the process, "Just this: instead of either hiding from it or being all 'Well, yeah, we _are_ together,' we should celebrate it."

"Celebrate it?" Draco was confused.

"Yes. Move the wedding up to a month from now. Make a big deal about it. Act all lovey-dovey in public. _Embrace_ who we are. If we don't care what they say about us at all, the bad publicity will eventually stop. Ridiculously happy couples- gay or straight- are boring to read about."

"Oh," Draco was surprised, "umm…"

"You hate it," Harry slumped down dejectedly.

"No! No, I don't," Draco hastened to assure him while getting up to pace around the room, "It's a good plan. There's just something missing from it, that's all. Lemme think," and Harry watched Draco roam around the room muttering under his breath for a good fifteen minutes until…

There was a knock on the door and Tom poked his head in, "Sirs, there's a reporter here from the Daily Prophet who wants to talk to you. Should I send her in?" he asked doubtfully.

Harry groaned, "How'd they find us already? Send her away, To-"

"Send her _in_, Tom," Draco interrupted firmly, "We'll see her." And with a confused nod and short bow, Tom exited. Harry stared incredulously at Draco and was only calmed slightly when he mouthed, "Trust me."

Harry always trusted Draco. Now he was starting to rethink that decision…

The door flew open and a woman in hot pink robes strode in. She had elaborately set, rigid curls that looked odd with her heavy jaw and jeweled eyeglasses. Her thick fingers with two inch long violet nails clutched a crocodile-skin handbag. Harry's mouth dropped open, but recovering quickly, he cried, "Not you! _Anyone_ but _you_!"

Rita Skeeter smiled, "Poor boy's delusional. Doesn't know what he's talking about." And she proceeded to pull out an acid green quill from the crocodile handbag. Licking it, she set it on a piece of parchment that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and grinned widely, "Before we begin, let me be the first to congratulate the both of you on finding each other. I hope you have many happy days."

Harry opened his mouth…and Draco cut him off, "Why thank you, Rita," he flashed her a brilliant smile, "but we've hardly just found each other. We've been dating for four years!"

Harry moved his mouth wordlessly, rather looking like a giant goldfish. Rita Skeeter smiled somewhat nastily and watched her quill scribble furiously. What the _hell_ did Draco think he was doing?

"So, Harry," Rita Skeeter directed her attention to him, "Do you love, Draco?"

"Of course I do! But…"

"That's wonderful. And Draco, does your heart yearn for Harry whenever you're apart?"

Harry gagged. Draco grinned, "Yes, it does, Rita. I don't know what to do with myself when we're separated," Draco cooed, looking at Harry lovingly. Harry gagged again.

"Harry, how did you two meet? Was it romantic? Love at first sight? How long did you pine for Draco before he let you in?"

"Umm," Harry stuttered, "I guess we really met on the Hogwarts Express. I rejected his friendship and insults flew. It wasn't until seventh year when we even became _friends_. And _he_ threw himself at _me_."

"I see. Draco, how long did you love Harry before you got together?"  
Draco beamed at Harry, "Since the first day I met him." Harry groaned. That _completely_ contradicted everything he'd just said. This was going to take _forever_.

As Rita drilled Draco on his statement and he answered each question happily, Harry slowly tuned them out. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, and he'd be damned if he didn't find out as soon as the Skeeter woman left the room. Draco better have a _damn_ good reason for this. Suddenly, Harry was snapped back to the present with Rita's next question, "So, Draco, who tops and who bottoms?" Harry's mouth dropped open.

Draco winked at her charmingly, "Now, Rita, why would I tell you that? You'll just have to guess."

"Hmm, let me see…oh! I have an idea! We could run a poll with the article asking that question and have people write in. We could publish the results in next week's special edition!"

Harry choked. Draco grinned, "The responses could be 'Harry,' 'Draco,' or 'They switch off.'" Harry snorted at Draco's suggestion.

"Why, Mr. Potter, do you have something to add?" Rita inquired sweetly after hearing Harry's snort.

"Switch off…honestly," Harry rolled his eyes. Draco shot him a look that clearly said 'don't you dare.' Harry smirked. It was payback time for this painful interview. "Look, I'll answer," he said smugly, "so there's no need for a poll."

"But that's no fun, Mr. Potter!" Rita admonished him, "Let's see what our readers think!"

Harry groaned. The only reason he'd wanted to answer the blasted question was to get out of the poll. Draco smirked at him. Harry scowled.

"Rita darling?" Draco asked sweetly, could you leave us alone for one minute and then we'll finish the interview?"

Rita hesitated for a split second before replying, "Of course, Mr. Malfoy. Call me when you're ready." She exited the room quickly.

Draco spun around to look at Harry and was quickly pinned to the bed, "What the _hell_ are you doing?" Harry ground out, looking furious.

"Look, I'll explain, ok? I have a plan. Not that it'll work if you keep mucking everything up," Draco muttered.

"_I'm_ mucking everything up? Draco, that's _Rita Skeeter_. No matter _what_ we say, she'll just twist it around and make our relationship sound horrible!" Harry cried, completely distraught.

"Yes, it was unfortunate that it was Skeeter who showed up," Draco said apologetically. "You see, Leo, my plan was to let the reporter ask all of her questions and answer them so she was _forced_ to write a story about how ridiculously happy we are. We'd say that was our exclusive, and hopefully, everyone would leave us alone. Like you said, a deliriously happy couple is a boring couple."

Harry released the front of Draco's shirt and rolled off him. "I get it. Sorry, Dray. It was a good plan. But believe me, Skeeter's _evil_. Evil and vicious." Harry shuddered as he remembered all the horrible things she'd written about him over the years.

"Yes, she is extra catty when she writes about you, isn't she?" Draco wrinkled his nose, "Bitch."

"But now what are we going to do?" Harry asked fretfully.

"Well, I guess we just have to act so sickeningly sweet, so lovey-dovey, that she's forced to write a decent article in regards to our relationship," Draco replied solemnly.

"Ok," Harry grinned slightly, "I'll behave myself. I'll act so in love that _she'll_ be jealous."

Draco smirked, "Everyone's jealous of me, love." He turned towards the door, "Rita, dear, we're ready for you!"

Rita burst in, smiling widely. But instead of finding two men sitting on either side of the bed like she had left them, she found a blonde man being cradled by a raven-haired man: the blonde's head lying on his shoulder. Both were smiling softly.

"All done your little talk, gentlemen?" she grinned nastily, "Lover's spat?"

"No," Draco said dreamily, "I just realized that I hadn't kissed Harry in a while." Harry bit back a chuckle. One thing was for sure: Draco played the part of lovesick teenager _very_ well.

"Oh," Rita looked disappointed, "well, where were we?"

"I believe we were speaking about our bedroom escapades," Harry said innocently.

"Yes, well, let's leave that for a bit, shall we?" Rita said quickly, "So, how did you two come to be together?"

"Well, it was the night before Muller's Lane," Draco smiled softly at the memory, "Harry was going to fight Voldemort (Rita cringed) and I was afraid I'd never see him again. We'd become friends that year- _close_ friends- but as I said before, I'd _always_ loved Harry. Well, that night I cornered him and told him how I felt. Not in so many words," he added with a chuckle, "I just dropped a few not-so-subtle hints and he caught on and-"

"I kissed him," Harry interrupted, "and it was the best decision of my life," Harry said sincerely, beaming at Draco. Draco blushed.

"That's wonderful, gentlemen," Rita butted into their moment, "So, do you two live together?"

"Yup, for two and a half years," Draco answered happily.

"And you dated for a year and a half before that?"

"Yes," Harry replied, "but it seemed so natural to live together. I mean, Draco was over my house a lot of the time anyways," he added slyly. Draco blushed again.

"You've certainly been together for a long time. Any wedding bells in your future?"

"Actually," Draco looked at Harry, who nodded his head, "we've recently become engaged." They both held out their left hands to show off their matching silver engagement rings (a snake and lion intertwined; the snake with a ruby eye, the lion with an emerald eye). Rita blinked, quite ashamed of herself for having missed the rings earlier.

"Well, that's just wonderful!" she gushed, "Would you like to make the article your official announcement?"

At Harry's affirmative nod, Draco smiled widely, "Yes, Rita, we'd love to."

Rita squealed. Her already huge story had just gotten ten times bigger. "When's the wedding?" she asked excitedly.

Draco faltered, not quite sure of the answer himself, but Harry spoke confidently, "Two months from today." Draco's eyes grew wide, but he kept his mouth shut, not wanting to make Rita suspicious.

"Well, that's just lovely, boys. But we'll get back to that later. Now onto more personal questions," she looked downright _scary_ when she smiled like that, "Do you two have nicknames for one another?"

Draco grinned, "Oh yes, we do. This fine specimen here, you see, is my Leo."

"Leo?" Rita asked curiously.

"Yup, Leo. See, Harry's my lion, my Gryffindor," Draco winked at Harry.

"And Harry? One for Draco, perhaps?" Rita pried.

"Of course Dray has a nickname! How could he not? I love you, Dray."

"I love you too, Leo," Draco purred.

"Excellent, excellent. Moving on," Rita cut in, "What is one word you would use to describe the other?"

Draco thought for a second and then grinned, "Determined."

"Please explain," Rita prodded.

"Well, no matter what he does- from defeating Dark Lords to catching the Snitch to trying to get me into bed (Harry turned bright red)- he never gives up. He is one hundred percent determined."

"Mr. Potter?" Rita turned her gaze onto him.

"Perfect," Harry stated firmly. When Draco looked like he was going to protest, Harry held up his hand, "Don't, Dray. _I_ think you're perfect. From your breathtaking outer beauty to your quiet inner beauty, you're perfect to me. You're smart, funny, opinionated, not afraid to tell me to screw myself if I'm being an ass, and you love me for _me_. You're perfect."

Draco slowly wiped the tears from his eyes, "Oh, my God, Harry, I really don't deserve you. I love you." And he flung his arms around Harry's neck and planted a big kiss on his lips. When Harry pulled Draco into his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist, Rita realized they weren't going to be stopping anytime soon. She quickly snapped a picture of them kissing, muttered a quick thank-you and the promise of an article in the next morning's Prophet. Seeing Harry's hand slide under Draco's shirt, she squeaked and ran from the room.

Harry didn't give her a backwards glance, but he did wave his hand to put up locking and silencing charms as he lowered Draco to the bed…

&#&

An hour later, Harry sighed in contentment as he collapsed onto the bed next to Draco. He gathered the blonde into his arms and pulled the sheet over them. Draco smiled sleepily at his fiancé, "I love you, Leo."

"I love you, too," Harry kissed him on the nose, "Now go to sleep, Dray. We have a long day ahead of us."

"How do you know that?" Draco asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Believe me," Harry took a deep breath as if steeling himself for battle, "I just know. Weasleys will be fainting again before long," he said in a resigned voice.

Draco laughed and then groaned, "Oh, god, you're right. Mrs. Weasley will go into _permanent _shock."

"Yes, she will," Harry nodded gravely, "Anyway, shut your eyes, love." Draco smiled and snuggled into Harry's warm embrace. When Harry heard a distinctive purr come from his fiancé, he smirked, "One thing's for sure:_ we_ at least know who tops."

Draco turned bright red.

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** so…was it ok?…i tried my best to rewrite it… please review if you liked it even a little ((smiles charmingly))…and i SWEAR to all the gods i've ever heard of that it will NOT take me this long to get any of the rest of the chapters out…i've already got about one quarter of the fourth chapter written (i'm hoping it's funnier then this chapter) and the rest of the story pretty much mapped out…but if you have any suggestions…please give them!…i love to be given ideas for my stories to make them better

also…as i'm sure you've realized, this story is now AU just because i started it before book 6 and didn't finish before certain…_ahem_…deaths took place (anybody hate the outcome of HBP as much as i did?) and as i've already mentioned those characters to be indeed living.. well…you get the picture…also…instead of an excerpt from _For the Love of Harry_, here's a teaser for the next chapter of _this_ story (cool)….

_**Chapter 4-** To Marry a Man…_

"Umm, what exactly did we do?" Draco asked casually, disentangling himself from Harry and going to sit on the couch in front of the fire. Mrs. Weasley simply glared at him harder; he'd been treading into dangerous water with that question and he knew it.

"What Draco means is," Harry added hastily when Mrs. Weasley looked about ready to explode, "why are you so upset about the article, Mrs. Weasley?"

Mrs. Weasley simply raised her eyebrows, "You haven't read the article? No wonder."

"No wonder…huh?" Draco looked confused.

"No wonder you're still happy and carefree individuals."

oh yes, i _am_ evil…stay tuned for the fourth chapter due out in about three weeks (i SWEAR)…and please review…i love you all and thanks to my reviewers…cheers


	4. To Marry a Man

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N:** well howdy folks…i told you i'd get it done soon!…whee!…it's only a few days late…heh heh…and i again have a reason as to why this happened…i know i know…my reasons don't amount to a hill of beans…but i'll tell you anyway…my mommy punished me…no computer (gasp), music (wail), or Yankee games (screams like a banshee) until she said so…so...i couldn't post…i even had it done a whole week early!…really!…but then she wouldn't let me use the computer to type it and post it…i was devastated…but i finally convinced her to let me use it long enough to type this and get it up here for all you awesome peoples!…woot!…but… umm…problem is…i'm still punished…and i don't know for how long (as there was no set time limit ((growls))…that's the way they get ya)…so i don't know when my next post will be…i figure i'll be physically _done_ with the chapter in two to three weeks…but…i just have to convince my mom to let me post it…but since she let me post this one (cause i cleaned my room…go me!)…she'll probably let me post the next one…so…i'd say about three weeks again…the fate of this fic rests in her hands…and my ability to keep my room clean and do my summer assignments…uh-oh…

_**Chapter 4-** To Marry a Man…_

"…AND THAT POLL QUESTION, HARRY! HOW COULD YOU LET THEM ASK THAT? IT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH THAT _I_ KNOW ABOUT YOUR…INTIMATE LIFE, BUT NOW THE WHOLE WIZARDING WORLD KNOWS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS…"

Harry winced as the loud voice reverberated around the kitchen. He rubbed the back of his neck and poured himself another cup of tea. He hummed quietly to himself as, "…AND WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ABOUT THE ENGAGEMENT? YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN TWO MONTHS AND NARY A WORD…"

Draco wandered into the bright room and pulled open the refrigerator. "We have any eggs?" he asked nonchalantly over the din.

"Yea, second shelf to the bottom," Harry replied, quietly stirring his tea.

"…AND THE PICTURE THEY TOOK OF YOU TWO! WHAT WAS _THAT_? DID YOU REALLY _POSE_ LIKE THAT? I'M SHOCKED AND APPALLED…"

Draco cracked two eggs into a frying pan, added butter, and scrambled them expertly. Harry drained his second cup of tea and pushed back from the table. He strolled over to the sink and dumped his plate into the porcelain basin. Draco slid his eggs onto a plate and poured himself a cup of tea. He settled at the table and started to eat. Harry leaned against the counter and watched him, a soft smile on his face.

"…YOU BETTER FIRECALL ME, YOUNG MAN, BECAUSE YOU ARE IN _BIG_ TROUBLE. I'LL EXPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON. AND I MEAN _SOON_!" The Howler burst into flames and was no more.

"Mrs. Weasley really speaks her mind, doesn't she?" Draco asked casually.

Harry chuckled, "Yes, she does."

"So, that the first one?" Draco asked curiously.

"No, but it's the first one that yells, if that makes any difference. But there's more. A _lot_ more." He motioned to a pile of opened letters that Draco hadn't noticed scattered all along the mantle-place.

"Who're they from?" Draco inquired cautiously.

"Well, let's see. Two from Ron and Hermione, one from Neville and Luna, one from Seamus, two from Dean and Lavender, one from Fred and George, one from Ginny and Colin, one from Charlie and Steven, one from McGonagall, two from Hagrid, one from Dumbledore, and a huge pile in the living room from people we don't know. I thought I'd wait for you to open them," Harry winked, "oh, and you have two- one from Snape and one from Blaise," Harry added, handing Draco two envelopes.

Draco raised his eyebrow and settled back to read his letters while Harry watched him intently. Draco's eyebrows continued to rise as his eyes scanned his godfather's words, and three- quarters of the way down the page, a chuckle ripped from his throat. He glanced up at Harry, "Sev _really_ doesn't like you."

Harry smirked, "Tell me something I don't know."

Draco smirked right back, "Well, it says here to research love potions because I _obviously_ couldn't fall for you of my own free will…"

"Why, I outta…" Harry cracked his knuckles threateningly, looking dangerous.

"Down boy," Draco laughed, "Sev has my best interests in mind, you know that. He just, well," Draco shrugged, "overreacts sometimes."

Harry rolled his eyes, "Oh yea, sometimes."

"Ok," Draco conceded, "all the time. But he cares about me and that's all that's important."

"I know," Harry sighed, "but I _had_ hoped when he found out we were dating we could put our differences aside. For your sake," Harry added.

"Well, that's very noble of you," Draco patted Harry's arm, "but it's never gonna happen. This is Sev we're talking about. Look at him cross-eyed once and he'll hate you forever."

Harry grinned, "Yea, or tell him you're name. That's a humdinger every time, as well."

Draco laughed, "He has no reason to hate you, the arse. But it's his loss that he can't see how perfect you really are," Draco smiled and stood up. He sauntered over to Harry and threw his arms around his neck. "You're perfect, Leo."

Harry chuckled, "You, my dear, are the only one who thinks that."

"Oh, not true, not true! I can name many people who think you're perfect," Draco insisted.

"Yea, and I bet most of them have red hair," Harry muttered, rolling his eyes. But he _did_ wrap his arms around Draco's waist.

"So what if they do?" Draco plowed on, "all that matters is that it's thought, ok?"

Harry sighed in defeat, "Ok, dear, whatever you say."

"Don't you patronize me, Mister Potter!" Draco glared and removed his arms from around Harry's neck to place them on his own hips.

"Oh no, Dray, I wasn't doing that! I was agreeing with you, I swear," he smiled at Draco charmingly.

"I don't believe you," Draco pouted.

"Yes, you do," Harry smirked as he wrapped his arms around Draco once again and pulled him flush against his body. "Don't be mad at me, love," Harry murmured as he nuzzled his nose into Draco's neck.

Draco melted, "Oh, I could never stay mad at you, Leo!" and he flung his arms around Harry's neck and kissed him deeply. Harry was surprised but pleased, and he kissed back just as deep. Draco moaned and pushed himself harder against Harry…

A sharp intake of breath shortly followed by a screech was heard. The two sprung apart, looking around wildly. A throat was cleared and their eyes flew to the fireplace. Harry groaned. He should have known.

Mrs. Weasley's head was floating amongst green flames in the grate and she looked absolutely scandalized. Harry chuckled nervously, "Hi, Mrs. Weasley."

"Don't you 'Hi, Mrs. Weasley' me, Harry Potter!" Mrs. Weasley said dangerously, "You are in BIG trouble. You both are," she added, shooting a glare at Draco.

"Umm, what exactly did we do?" Draco asked casually, disentangling himself from Harry and going to sit on the couch in front of the fire. Mrs. Weasley simply glared at him harder; he'd been treading into dangerous water with that question and he knew it.

"What Draco means is," Harry added hastily when Mrs. Weasley looked about ready to explode, "why are you so upset about the article, Mrs. Weasley?"

Mrs. Weasley simply raised her eyebrows, "You haven't read the article? No wonder."

"No wonder…huh?" Draco looked confused.

"No wonder you're still happy and carefree individuals."

"Happy and carefree…?" Harry looked puzzled, "We haven't read the article yet, but we _did_ get a lot of feedback mail…."

"Which we have yet to read as well," Draco added.

"But I read the mail from my friends," Harry continued, "and it wasn't too bad. They were mostly shocked, but none really mentioned the article all that much."

"Well, they're your friends, Harry," Mrs. Weasley pointed out, "I doubt those letters will be 'not too bad'," she nodded to the huge pile of letters that could be seen through the living room door.

"Why, Mrs. Weasley?" Harry asked with increasing foreboding.

"That article was horrible," was all Mrs. Weasley said.

"Now, Mrs. Weasley, surely it couldn't have been that bad…" Draco intoned wisely.

"Sure it could have," Harry shrugged, "Don't forget who wrote it."

"I'm going to kill that woman personally," Mrs. Weasley said scathingly.

"Look, Mrs. Weasley, it'll be ok…" Harry tried to calm her down.

"No, it won't, Harry! Hear it for yourself!" and she passed the newspaper through the flames to Draco, who unfolded it and read:

**A MATCH MADE IN PARADISE?**

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are lovers. They are not just dating or putting on an act. They are intimate, very-much-in-amour, lovers. I got to witness this (perhaps more so than I wanted to), writes Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet correspondent.

Harry calls him Dray; Draco calls him Leo. It's all very cute and cuddly. Draco believes he's determined; Harry thinks he's perfect. It's all very romantic and awe-inspiring. Draco could very well be Harry's "power" that the Dark Lord knew not. Their love, that is. But is there trouble in paradise?

When our exclusive interview started, Draco seemed very enthusiastic and willing to open up about their relationship, but Harry was very reluctant. It was almost as if he didn't _want_ to talk about Draco. But after I was asked to leave the room for a few moments and then returned, they were completely lovey-dovey and willing to talk. Now, why is it that Harry Potter, a celebrity _infamous_ for avoiding the press, dodged a question about their love life before I left, and then reminded me of the very same question after I came back? Yes, I was curious too.

During our interview, Draco insisted that he's loved Harry since the day he first met him, while Harry pointed out that he and Draco weren't even friends until seventh year. Harry also made sure to mention that Draco threw himself at Harry before the final battle. Of course, this was before their little talk. After, Harry was compliant and eager to tell Draco he loved him. Coincidence? I think not.

Yes, they may be engaged and set to marry in two months. Yes, they may have their friends' blessing. But all is not well. It is my belief that Draco Malfoy either has Harry Potter severely under his thumb or he has him under the Imperious Curse. Too harsh? No. I would not put it past a Death Eater's son and neither should you. It is my firm and unwavering opinion that Harry should get out now, while he still can.

_For full interview, see page 4…_

When asked about their sex lives, Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy seemed reluctant at first, and though Harry was eventually willing to answer (just to spite Draco, I fear), we decided to leave it up to you, our wonderful readers at home!

So, who "tops" in their relationship?

a) Harry b) Draco c) they switch off

_Send your answers to the Daily Prophet and watch for the results in next week's special edition!_

Draco heard a thump. He looked up, only to see Harry spread-eagle on the ground, his eyes closed and his breathing shallow. Not so surprisingly, he'd fainted.

"Oh, Draco dear, it sounds so much worse out loud," Mrs. Weasley said in a soft voice, and the next thing he knew, her head disappeared from the flames and he heard a crash from the other side of the connection.

"Oh crap," he muttered, passing out as well.

&#&

"I can't believe one's supposedly the strongest wizard in the world and the other was the son of a Death Eater. They keep going down like Dad after a bottle of Fire-whiskey. I don't know…"

Harry blearily opened one eye and snapped it shut again as he was assaulted by a bright red light. "Am I dead?" he asked wearily.

"No, mate, you're just groggy. Sit up now and eat some soup."

Harry slowly sat up, without opening his eyes, and rubbed the back of his head, "What happened?"

"You fainted, mate. So did Draco and mum."

Harry could tell his rescuer was trying not to laugh. He cautiously opened his eyes, and when he saw who surrounded him, he understood the blinding red light. Fred, George, and Ron were all staring at him solemnly, their mouths twitching.

"Well, Harry, how do you feel?" Fred asked kindly as he helped Harry get up and clamber to the sofa.

"Like I was just run over by a rampaging herd of hippogriffs," Harry replied honestly, now rubbing his back.

"Here, drink this," Ron said, pushing a bowl of pea soup under Harry's nose. At Harry's look of revulsion, he sighed, "Hermione's orders."

Grumbling, Harry quickly started to eat the soup. "Where's Draco?" he asked suddenly, sitting up right.

"Wondered how long it'd take you to remember me," a voice muttered from across the room.

"Draco!" Harry cried as he spotted the blonde lounging on the other couch, trying to avoid the pea soup George was feeding him.

"Yes, that'd be me," Draco smirked at him and then gagged as George shoved the spoon into his mouth.

Harry laughed, "Don't fight it. It's inevitable. Hermione's orders." Draco shuddered and grudgingly allowed George to feed him.

"So, why did you pass out, mate?" Ron asked concernedly, "we just walked into the kitchen and mum was out cold. Ginny tended to her while we came to see what was up at this end."

"Why _did_ I pass out?" Harry asked himself, searching his mind for the reason.

"The article, you dimwit," Draco rolled his eyes, "you fainted because of the article."

"No need to be snappy, Mr. Malfoy," Fred said pleasantly, "you also fainted, remember."

"Yes, well," Draco started to turn red, "it was only after _he_ did," he mumbled, jerking his head in Harry's direction.

"Moving on," Ron said quickly, "what's so horrible about this article anyway?"

"You mean you haven't read it?" Harry asked incredulously, "But I got a letter from you and Mione saying you loved and supported me!"  
"Oh, umm," Ron laughed uncomfortably, "I never read it, but Mione did. She just threw it on the table and told me to get to my mum's to make sure she was alright."  
"Which she wasn't," George added helpfully, "Fred and I had the same idea as Ronnekins, here."

"But that article _was_ awful, mate," Fred added earnestly, "Total rubbish. I mean, who'd call _him_ perfect?" he finished with disgust lacing his tone, clearly believing some of Skeeter's horrid drabble.

"_I_ did," Harry said steadily, "That part was actually true. But remember, guys, the Imperious has no effect on me: something dear Rita forgot to mention."

"You're right. I'm sorry," Fred said sincerely, though he was looking at Draco as he spoke.

Draco nodded, "No worries. I'd be foolish not to expect some resistance from you lot."

Ron cleared his throat, "Can I read it now, then?"

"Are you sure you want to?" Harry asked uneasily.

"Yes, I am," Ron responded firmly.

Harry shrugged, "Alright, don't say I didn't warn you," and he nodded to the forgotten newspaper lying by the fireplace.

Ron wandered over and picked it up. His eyebrows rose when he read the headline, and they positively shot up when he saw the picture. But as he read the article, Harry realized he was having the completely opposite reaction of what he'd anticipated. After Ron set the paper down, he burst out laughing, "They actually think _he_ could control _you_?" he questioned wildly, pointing at them with one hand and clutching at his side with the other.

"Thanks for your overwhelming vote of confidence, Weasley," Draco muttered, rolling his eyes.

"You're welcome," Ron responded absently, still chuckling occasionally.

"Oy, wouldn't know sarcasm if it smacked him in the face," Draco groaned.

"Anyway," Harry said loudly, glaring at his fiancé, "that's the article, Ron. Don't you at least think it's a _little _bad?"

"Oh, it's terrible," Ron assured him, patting him on the head, "but looked at from the right perspective, it's actually rather funny."

"Yes, we've noticed," Draco mumbled.

"So," George cut in, "you two are really getting married, then?"

"Yes, we are," and he and Draco showed off their engagement bands.

Fred let out a low whistle, "Won't want to be near mum, now."

"I agree. The woman's insane," Draco visibly cringed.

"Not that," Fred laughed, "don't you remember what she was like for Ron's wedding?"

"Oh my god," Harry closed his eyes and groaned, "I'd forgotten."

"Am I missing something here?" Draco asked nervously.

"Mum was simply fanatical about every detail. Every _little_,_ itty-bitty_ detail," Ron shuddered, "she spent four hours trying to tame Harry's hair."

"Oh no," Draco said breathlessly, with a look at his fiancé's artfully messy mop.

"Yes, sweetheart, you are _so_ lucky you were a secret back then and didn't have to be involved," Harry informed him solemnly.

"Well, don't worry yourselves now, mates," Fred said happily, "because I have good news!"

"You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to Geico?" Harry asked innocently.

All three redheads stared at him blankly while Draco snickered. Ah, television. A magic greater than anything a wand can do. "Never mind," Harry bit back a laugh, "What's the good news?" he asked cautiously.

"Well, George and I want to help you out, you know…"

"Yes, yes, spit it out already," Draco barked impatiently.

"We've appointed ourselves the official organizers of your bachelor parties!"

Harry blanched, "Oh dear God."

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** so…did ya like?…i liked this one…i guess it wasn't that funny…but i will tell you this…it was _really_ hard to write that article ((wipes brow))…i wanted it to be horrible, but still staying true to what they talked about, you know?…so yea…who loves Geico commercials as much as i do?…woot!…umm…the next chapter is (hopefully) gonna be the best one yet ((crosses fingers))…yay!…bachelor parties!…i predict about three weeks (depending on my mom like i said in my first a/n) and it'll be done…we can only hope…anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review if you liked it…

here's a teaser for chapter 5!

_**Chapter 5-** A Real Live Bonafide Bachelor Party_

Harry vaguely remembered hearing that he was supposed to look forward to his bachelor party, to enjoy it immensely. It was, after all, his very last hurrah before marriage. Then again, Harry wasn't some pathetic, middle-aged, straight dude who already disliked his fiancé. He was a young, gay man who was incredibly attracted to his future husband. But, of course, Fred and George were planning it.

That was the part that worried Harry the most. Trusting Fred and George with one night of his life.

_Stay Tuned! Chapter 5 of Knock First, Damn-it is coming to a computer near you!_

hehe…well…thanks to all my reviewers…i love you guys!...cheers!


	5. A Real Live Bonafide Bachelor Party 1

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N:** okay…first off…as some of you may have noticed, i upped the rating to R (M) because some of the things that happen and that are discussed in this chapter pertain, at least in my opinion, to an R rating…but i assure you, there's nothing anywhere _near _explicit enough to be pushing NC-17…but this _does_ contain bachelor parties run by the Terrible Twins, so, no one really knows what will happen ((winks))…also…heh…this chapter is late…i'm well aware of it…and i can't even blame my mom cause i'm not grounded anymore (as of yesterday), but i do have an excuse…school started up as i was finishing this chapter and i had absolutely _no_ time at all to type it…and i'm sorry to say, but that's gonna be the way it is for a while…i'll try to update regularly, but there'll probably be more time between posts starting now…heh…don't kill me…i WILL finish this story…i'm committed to it….anyways…have fun reading my favorite chapter yet…

_**Chapter 5- **A Real Live Bonafide Bachelor Party (Part 1)_

Harry stretched languidly as he finally vacated the bedroom; it was _only_ twelve o' clock. He bypassed the bathroom and headed straight for the kitchen, keen to take after Ron and follow his stomach.

He padded into the sunny room and made a quick assessment of his surroundings: no Draco. Blinking curiously, he walked past the empty breakfast table and went in search of his fiancé.

He looked all over the place: in the living room, the dining room, the parlor, the den, the guest bedroom, _their_ bedroom (just in case he'd walked right by Draco like he was sometimes prone to do), and the kitchen again. No Draco. He shrugged. Draco must have gone to the store and forgot to leave a note.

He wandered over to the front door to retrieve the muggle newspaper (if they didn't get one, it'd seem weird, and plus, Harry liked keeping up with the non-magic folk). He pushed it open and…there stood Draco, his mouth hanging open, staring at the Daily Prophet (the Daily Report forgotten on the ground).

"I was just reading the Prophet while fetching the muggle…paper, and I…read this…" he handed over the newspaper. Harry noticed that his hand was shaking.

"Why? What's wro- oh. Oh my," Harry's face went blank and his mouth grew dry. He glanced up at Draco and was outraged to see him doubled over…laughing.

"You bastard," Harry bit out, "you _will_ die. Just _wait_ until I get my hands on you…"

"And what? You'll _bottom_ for me?" Draco's grin grew, "Never knew you had it in you."

"I _haven't_ had _it_ in me," Harry growled and lunged at Draco.

Draco squeaked and ran back into the flat, Harry hot on his heels. "Hey, don't blame me," Draco cried, "It's not my fault! It's the _loyal readers'_ fault!"

Harry tackled him to the floor and threw the paper aside, "Think it's funny, do you?" Harry barked. Draco nodded, and Harry straddled him aggressively, "Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to make you remember your _place_ in this relationship, Mr. Malfoy." Draco's eyes grew wide, and Harry felt him shiver in anticipation. Harry grinned menacingly and started to tear off Draco's shirt…

"Umm, hi," a small voice squeaked.

Harry leapt up and his eyes flew to the still-open door. He turned crimson, "Hi, Hermione."

Hermione was also blushing as she slowly entered and closed the door firmly behind her. "I find it's best," she said quietly, "to shut and lock your doors when doing something you don't want others to see. I, myself, believe it most effective."

Harry ran a hand through his hair and clambered into the kitchen, "D'you want some tea, 'Mione?"

"Yes, please," she requested politely while trying to hide her shock at Draco heaving himself awkwardly to his feet instead of Harry doing the heaving for him.

Harry soon came out baring a tray laden with piping hot tea, cups, sugar, cream, milk, crumpets, scones, and butter. Hermione eyed the spread appreciatively, but also wondered as to the occasion.

She quickly noticed that Harry wasn't speaking to Draco, and the only time he even acknowledged him was to hand him his tea. Taking her life in her hands, she asked, "Is anything…wrong?"

"No, nothing," Draco mumbled, but Harry glared at him and, quickly retrieving the newspaper, he shoved it at Hermione with a grunt.

Hermione's eyes scanned the headline and the short article, and she then proceeded to have a coughing fit. Is this _really_ what Harry was all upset about?

But with a quick glance at his face she knew it was, so she promptly cleared her throat and shrugged, "That's not so bad. I thought Draco had told the press you had a three-headed baby somewhere or something equally as horrible."

Harry glared and continued to pout. Draco winked at Hermione and whispered, "Problem is, it isn't true."

"Not at all?" Hermione's eyes widened.

"Not at all," Draco confirmed, "No more than once or twice, at most."

"Well then, that's the problem! You two should explore different things and-"

"Oh no," Draco shook his head, "Believe me, life's _good_ the way it is."

Hermione blushed again, "Okay then. So, what does it matter what others think? As long as you know the truth…"

"That's not the point," Harry grumbled, "He thought it was funny."

Hermione looked at Draco, who shrugged and mouthed, "Well, it _was_."

Hermione sighed, "Men. Draco, apologize to Harry for laughing. Harry, apologize to Draco for overreacting."

The two looked at each other and turned away again. "NOW," Hermione growled.

They both jumped and…

"Harry, love, it's my fault…"

"No, Dray, it's my fault…"

"I love you, Leo!"

"I love you, too!"

Hermione stood up gracefully and brushed off her hands, "My work here is done," and she hurried out the door (making _sure_ to close it).

"Leo," Draco said slowly, his hand inching up Harry's thigh.

"Yea?" Harry watched the hand's ascent.

"Want to finish what you started?"

"Hell yea!" Harry grinned and jumped up. He grabbed Draco's hand and all but dragged him to their bedroom. The door slammed shut.

The newspaper slowly drifted to the floor, with these words blatantly obvious…

**YOUR POSITION ON THEIR POSITION**

We asked our readers to cast their votes about Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy's love life. Here's what you responded!

Draco- 87 percent

They switch off- 8 percent

Harry- 5 percent

&#&

"So, bachelor parties?" Harry asked tensely as he examined his reflection in the mirror.

"Been there, done that, don't remember most of it," Ron shrugged from his position on the bed.

Over the past month and a half, things had been hectic, to say the least. Between Mrs. Weasley's nagging and organizing, Draco's pleading with the twins that he was the _bride_ (shouldn't he have a nice, quiet bridal shower with Hermione and the girls?), all the flack Harry was catching about being the "bottom", and Fred and George's sinister looks and many private consultations, Harry was at his wit's end.

But tonight was finally the night. The night he'd been dreading. The night…of his bachelor party.

Harry vaguely remembered hearing that he was supposed to look forward to his bachelor party, to enjoy it immensely. It was, after all, his very last hurrah before marriage. Then again, Harry wasn't some pathetic, middle-aged, straight dude who already disliked his fiancé. He was a young, gay man who was incredibly attracted to his future husband. But, of course, Fred and George were planning it.

That was the part that worried Harry the most. Trusting Fred and George with one night of his life.

&#&

"So, how do I look?" Draco asked anxiously as he turned this way and that, watching himself in the mirror.

"You look great, Draco. Just like always," Blaise Zabini rolled his eyes. Though Draco had never been out of the company of Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle at school, Blaise was his best friend and always had been. He was also one of the few people who'd known about Harry and Draco's relationship.

"Why thank you, Blaise. You interested?" Draco sank down onto Blaise's lap and batted his eyelashes.

"Ugg, get off me, you fairy," Blaise cried in disgust, pushing Draco off his lap, "Pansy would kill you. And me," he added with a shudder.

"Just cause you're married to a pretty witch doesn't mean you can't have a little homosexual action on the side with an incredibly beautiful man," Draco pointed out innocently.

"Whatever, Draco," Blaise rolled his eyes again. Blaise hadn't reacted well when Draco had first come out to him, and even though he was perfectly fine with it now, Draco still liked to tease him occasionally…okay, _a lot_.

"Let's just go," Draco groused, and they filed out of his and Harry's bedroom.

&#&

Harry stood uneasily outside of the Burrow, shifting from foot to foot. He _really_ didn't want to go out in public, especially the places Fred was bound to take them. He was tired of the whispering and looking and pointing all because of the stupid article and _untruthful_ poll. He didn't know why he'd overreacted so much. He'd just always taken his "position" in their relationship for granted.

Ron stomped over, "It's bloody _freezing_ out here! It's already mid-April and still cold as hell! I'll kill Fred. 'Dress in clubby clothes,'" he mimicked nastily, "Well, club clothes are bloody freezing!"

He glanced at Harry, and when he saw the frown on his best friend's face, he sighed, "You're not still on about that lousy poll, are you? You're the one doing the buggering, and you both know it, so no worries, right?"

"Yea, I know. I'm over it, really, but sometimes I still wonder, _why_?" Harry asked dejectedly.

"Because of what that she-devil wrote in her article about you two, and because, well…people are idiots. Can't see the obvious," Ron shrugged, apparently satisfied with his answer.

"I guess…" Harry started.

"All right," Fred interrupted, "Here's everyone else and we're ready to go," he said jovially, rubbing his hands together eagerly. Harry and Ron looked at the small crowd behind him and couldn't help but grin. Seamus, Dean, Neville, and Charlie grinned right back.

"Let's get this party started," Fred pumped his hands in the air and then offered them all a portkey. With a whoosh, they were gone.

&#&

"Where are we?" Draco asked George warily. George just smiled, so Draco shot the rest of the party a pleading look. Blaise, Bill, Crabbe, Goyle, and Theodore Nott all shrugged, looking just as confused as Draco felt. Draco sighed heavily, "Whatever. Just know this, Weasley," he gave George his best Malfoy Glare, "I don't want you trying to make me do anything that I'll regret in the morning."

"Who? Me?" George gave him an innocent smile, "would _I_ do a thing like that?" and he threw a hand over his heart.

"Yes," Draco muttered to Blaise, who grinned.

"Quiet you," George shook his finger in Draco's face. Draco really wanted to bite the wagging digit clean of the redhead's hand.

But Draco was snapped out of his violent thoughts by the incredibly odd look on George's face. He was staring intently at the wall of the abandoned building they'd landed next to, his face scrunched up in either intense concentration or intense constipation.

But whatever the look conveyed, it'd apparently worked, because a bright magenta door suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

With a grin, George beckoned them forward and said with a serious air that fooled no one, "Gentlemen, this will be a night we shan't easily forget." And he pulled open the lurid door and entered grandly.

With one last look at Blaise to solidify him, Draco followed.

&#&

"Oy, Harry!" Fred fought his way over to his friend through the crowd, "Having fun?"

Harry leaned back against the bar and calmly sipped his rum, "Do you want the truth or an enthusiastic lie told through my teeth?"

Fred's eyebrow quirked up, "The teeth one."

"Oh, Fred!" Harry cried dramatically, "this is the best time I've had in _years_! It must have been that dastardly Malfoy who's held me back for so long. Save me, Fred! Make me _live_ again!" and Harry grabbed Fred and spun him around. He then proceeded to lower the redhead back to the ground, roll his eyes, and resume his position at the bar.

"Oh, Harry, you slay me," Fred retorted sarcastically. He elbowed the guy next to Harry out of the way and settled next to his honorary brother, "What's eating you, mate? Everyone else is having a blast!"

Harry looked out at the dance floor and sighed. It was true. Seamus and Dean had collected quite a group of pretty females and were dancing up a storm. Ron and Neville were trying to look cool and dance at the same time, which only made them look like idiots and caused them to laugh so much that they forgot the dancing all together. Charlie was talking energetically with a group of guys he seemed to know. And Fred _had_ been chatting up the pretty bartender. But he'd left her to check on Harry. Harry sighed again, "I'm sorry, Fred. I know I'm being a party-pooper. But I guess I just really can't have a lot of fun anymore without Draco."

And that was true too. As soon as they'd entered 'Witch's Brew', one of the most famous wizarding clubs in the world, Harry had made a beeline for the bar, ordered rum on the rocks, and had been nursing the same glass ever since.

"Oh, Harry, I know how you feel. Hey, remember the way Ron acted at _his_ bachelor party?" Fred got a dreamy look in his eye.

"Umm, no. I had a game in Scotland that night, _remember_?" he asked pointedly.

"Ronnekins never told you?" Fred straightened up, dreamy eyes replaced with wicked ones.

"According to him, he doesn't really remember any of it," Harry shrugged.

"That _could_ be true," Fred nodded, "or it could be that he just didn't want you to know!"

Harry groaned, "I assume that even if I say I'm not really interested, you're still gonna tell me anyway, right?"

"Naturally," Fred tipped him a wink, "Ah, where should I start?"

"The beginning is usually the best place," Harry said wisely.

"Yes, yes, you're quite right, fine sir! The beginning it is!" Fred announced jovially, "Let's see now…Once upon a time…No, that's not it," he scratched his head, "Space: The Final Frontier…nope. Uhh," he looked at Harry sheepishly, "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…"

"_Fred_!" Harry growled.

"Fine," Fred's shoulders slumped, "Do it the _boring_ way. Three and a half years ago, there was a clever witch by the name of Hermione Granger. She was perfect in every way. But, for some odd reason, she'd decided to marry a loser by the name of Ron _Bilius_ Weasley-"

Harry snorted. The twins really _did_ have a way with words, didn't they? He settled back to listen to (and mostly ignore) the tale that contained warlocks, cursed rubies, spiders, fair maidens with bushy brown hair, and oddly enough, dragons. His ears perked up, however, when he heard Fred say, "So, the young rogue agreed to attend the merrymaking in his honor. It was his last chance to drink all the ale he wanted and ogle all the barmaids in his path without his slave driver…I mean, _wife_…there to stop him," Fred smirked, "But our hero has never been able to hold his liquor well, so it was quite early into the celebration that he decided it was just way too hot. The next thing all his handsome friends, including his incredibly smart and ridiculously successful brothers, knew, the far-from-sober man was running around completely devoid of all his clothing, except for the boxers on his head, and he was singing "God Save the Queen" at the top of his lungs. Alas, the idiotic young rogue has never quite been able to live these sad events down, and to this day, his aforementioned twin hunks of brothers have never let him forget it."

Harry blinked and started to grin. No wonder Ron pretended he'd been too drunk to remember anything. Speaking of Ron…

Ron collapsed on the barstool next to Harry. "Hey, Harry, Fred. What're you two up to over here?"

"Oh nothing, dear brother," Fred said with the patented 'Weasley Twin Look of Innocence', "I'm going to go join Dean and Seamus and those _lovely _ladies," he grinned at Harry and walked away. As he did so, Harry _swore_ he could hear him whistling a certain national anthem under his breath. By the way Ron was blushing, he was actually pretty sure that's what Fred had been doing.

Harry chuckled and thumped Ron on the back, "So, you tired of pretending to know how to dance yet?"

"No, just tired," Ron responded absently. He looked sideways at Harry, "So, mate, tell me, why are you over here? 'Witch's Brew' is a mixed club. There's plenty of blokes who'd be _more _than happy to dance with you," Ron made a grand sweeping gesture.

And as he looked around covertly, Harry could see that, much to his chagrin, that was true as well. There were at least five guys in speaking distance that were eying him up. Add all the guys dancing and in the lounge area, and Harry felt like a prize cow at auction.

"C'mon, Harry, you're going to start having fun _now_," and he grabbed Harry's arm and hauled him away from the bar, towards the hottest male who'd been checking him out. Before Harry could even process what was going on, Ron had sidled up to the tall blonde and said, "Hi there. This is my best mate, Harry. He needs to live a little. You up to it?"

The guy grinned and slid his arms around Harry's waist, "If everything goes according to plan, we'll _both_ be up to it," he replied in a husky voice. Harry squeaked.

Ron laughed, and seeing the revolted look on Harry's face, he leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Just enjoy yourself, mate. This is your last chance to go crazy before you're tied down. Let loose for once."

Harry bristled and was about to protest and remind Ron that he was _not_ a prude by any means and that he was quite the infamous partier in the Quidditch circles. Of course, that was all with Draco by his side. Could they really blame him for enjoying himself more when he had the gorgeous love of his life with him? Apparently they could, because Ron winked at him and walked away.

Harry looked up at the tall blonde (he was about 6'4 to Harry's 6'1) and was startled by how much he looked like Draco. Spiky, pale blond hair, soft facial characteristics, a killer fashion sense, and pretty blue eyes (that made Harry miss Draco's grey orbs more than ever).

The man grinned down at him and said, "Relax, sweetheart. You're in _more_ than capable hands," he pulled Harry close, "By the way, I'm Ryan."

Harry sighed and wrapped his arms loosely around Ryan's neck. It was just one dance, after all. And at least this Ryan dude didn't seem to recognize him.

&#&

Draco looked around cautiously as they entered the club. The place was huge and it was _packed_ (it was Friday night, after all). People were five deep at the bar and the dance floor was full of writhing bodies. He was pleased to note that this was definitely a mixed club and that the speakers seemed to blaring pretty good music. He rubbed his hands together and smiled. This night wasn't going to be a total waste.

He would miss Harry, though, he reflected. There were quite a few good-looking blokes smiling at him as he followed George, who was weaving his way through the crowd. But none of them even came _close_ to Harry in his mind. But, he smirked, Harry wasn't there and he'd have to make do.

George led the group across the room and through the lounge to an inconspicuous little hallway. Draco rolled his eyes. You didn't have to be a genius to know what went on behind the doors they were passing.

His eyes widened, however, when George stopped in front of a bright magenta door and motioned for Draco to open it and enter. With a gulp, he complied.

The room was dark. Well, at least it _was_ until George slipped in behind him and flipped a switch. Light flooded the room. Draco's mouth dropped open.

"Oh," he whispered as he stepped further inside. The walls were a soft pink and the various couches and armchairs were the same magenta as the door. In the middle of the room, there was a red table shaped like a U, and it was piled high with brightly wrapped gifts. Draco jumped when George placed a light hand on his arm and steered him to the chair in the center of the table and, consequently, the presents. George pushed him down and then, with a sharp jerk of his head, the rest of the party followed.

"Uhh, George, what is this?" Blaise asked tentatively as he took a seat next to Draco.

"Why, Blaise," George replied sweetly, settling into the other seat next to the shocked blonde, "I would have thought that much was obvious."

Blaise was about to question him further when Draco cut him off in a low, but dangerous, voice, "You bastards. You think this is funny, don't you? The 'bride' asked for a bridal shower so you give him one."

George smiled faintly and shrugged a little, "Well, Draco, you _have_ been badgering Fred and me for the past month and a half about it. Don't blame us for taking you seriously."

Draco gritted his teeth, "Yes, but I meant _no_ bachelor party _at all_. I wanted to stay at _home_ with the _girls_. Not a _club_ with the _guys_." His face was so heated, an egg would fry on it in an instant.

"Oh well," George snickered, "Be more specific next time, Draco, dear."

Draco scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked George straight in the eye, "Bring it on."

George clapped his hands, "Excellent. As you can see, there are many presents to open, but first, I have a special surprise for you. Lucky, we're ready for you now."

Everyone's eyes, including Draco's, flew to the hot pink door on the opposite side of the room that no one had noticed when they'd walked in. The door swung open slowly and in slid the man by the name of Lucky.

Draco's mouth dropped open.

&#&

"So, Harry," Ryan murmured huskily in the raven hair covered ear, "Are you having fun yet?"

Harry looked up at the handsome blonde through hooded eyes and gave him a seductive smile. He leaned up on his tiptoes and whispered in Ryan's ear, "Nope."

Ryan sighed and gave the brunette a critical once over, "What can I do to make you enjoy yourself, Harry?"

"Not much," Harry admitted, "You see, Ryan, I'm kinda…engaged."

Ryan's eyes grew wide, "I see. Is this your bachelor party or something?"

"Umm, yea, it is. And I just can't seem to have any fun without my fiancé around," Harry muttered.

"I see. Who's the lucky lady?" At the look of revulsion on Harry's face, Ryan laughed, "Or perhaps you permanently swing my way?"

Harry smiled slightly, "Yea, I'm thinking I do."

"Okay then," Ryan nodded, "what's the lucky gentleman's name?"

"Draco," Harry said offhandedly and immediately regretted it.

Recognition started to dawn in Ryan's eyes, "Your…oh my God…you're _Harry Potter_! I'm _dancing_ with Harry Potter!" he yelped excitedly. He looked down at Harry and suddenly got a different kind of gleam in his eye, "So, Harry, does Draco really pleasure you as much as you deserve to be?"

Harry's head snapped up, "W-what?" he stuttered.

"Harry," Ryan ran his hand slowly down Harry's back, "Let me show you how a real man can make you feel," he grabbed Harry's arse. Harry gasped and Ryan mistook it as a pleased sound. "Let me make love to you, Harry," Ryan whispered in his ear.

Harry jerked back and pinned him with a hard glare, "Why does _everyone _think I'm the bottom?" he growled. He pushed past Ryan and staggered away.

He was mad. And he just wanted to be alone. That scratched out the bathroom, because Ron and Neville had just walked in there, the lounge, because Charlie was sitting there laughing with his friends, and the bar, because Fred was again sweet-talking the bartender. He was left with only one option.

He blundered down a dimly lit hallway and collapsed against a magenta door. Not hearing anything from inside, he turned the knob and stumbled in.

Draco looked up, startled. "Harry?" he choked.

"Draco, what the _hell_?" Harry barked, staring at his fiancé and the half-naked Quidditch player in his lap.

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** heh…umm yea…the bachelor party has been split into two chapters because i wanted to get at least _something_ out for you guys and just because of the sheer length (this is the longest one yet, i'm thinking…)…also, i know Harry seemed really worried about his "status" in the relationship, but that's really only because i myself have always seen Harry as a top…just personal preference…anyways, i can't guarantee a release date for the next chap…but it will be out as soon as i can finish it and type it…so…say…_maybe_ three or four weeks…sorry about these lengthy waits, but as i said in my first A/N, school is a callin'…umm, yea…Dirty Little Secret will be updated as soon as possible too…to tide you over till the next chap, here's a teaser for chap 6:

_**Chapter 6- **A Real Live Bonafide Bachelor Party (Part 2)_

"Don't you 'Leo, love' me," Harry ground out, "I spent all night miserable, dancing with some guy Ron forced on me, and finally escaped when said guy tried to molest me. But you, _you've_ been in here getting _Lucky_," he glared at the half-naked Quidditch player.

"Umm," Lucky stuttered out, "maybe I should go…"

_Find out what happens next in Chapter 6, coming soon to a computer near you!_

hehe…thanks lots to all my reviewers…my goal was fifty reviews when i started this story…c'mon, guys, you can do it!…until next time…cheers


	6. A Real Live Bonafide Bachelor Party 2

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N: **umm, hi. yea, i know. it's hideously late again, carrie. we hate you, carrie. you suck, carrie. i've heard it all before. i embrace it. anyways, i'm _sooo_ sorry it took so long! but like i said, school's insane and i just haven't had time. but i finally finished it and typed it in a night. yup, you heard me right: _a night_. that's how much i love this story and you guys. my arms are killing me now. arg. anyways, i don't like this chapter all that much, but i hope you do. i can't guarantee a date for the next post, but i'll try my hardest, i swear. hopefully it won't be as long a wait as this one was. i love you guys and i do it for you. enjoy.

_previously on Knock First, Damn-it:_

He blundered down a dimly lit hallway and collapsed against a magenta door. Not hearing anything from inside, he turned the knob and stumbled in.

Draco looked up, startled. "Harry?" he choked.

"Draco, what the _hell_?" Harry barked, staring at his fiancé and the half-naked Quidditch player in his lap.

_and now, on with the show…_

_**Chapter 6- **A Real Live Bonafide Bachelor Party (Part 2)_

"Harry! You're not supposed to be here yet! Where's Fred?" George asked calmly.

"Dray?" Harry whispered.

"Oh, Harry, it's not what it looks like, I swear!" Draco cried, "You see, I-" he tried to get up but the man in his lap held him down. "Oh, _get off_!" he growled, pushing the man to the floor. He leapt up, "I had no choice. He just attacked me and," he pointed at George, "_he_ made me!"

"Did not," George scoffed, "Yes, I asked Lucky to attend our little get-together, but I didn't _force_ you to, erm, get to know him."

Draco scowled at him darkly and then whipped around to again face Harry, "Leo, love-"

"Don't you 'Leo, love' me," Harry ground out, "I spent all night miserable, dancing with some guy Ron forced on me, and finally escaped when said guy tried to molest me. But you, _you've_ been in here getting _Lucky_," he glared at the half-naked Quidditch player.

"Umm," Lucky stuttered out, "maybe I should go…" and he started gathering up the rest of his costume.

"Yes, that'd probably be best," George responded, tightlipped. He quietly ushered Lucky to the door and handed him an envelope, presumably filled with his fee. George then turned back around and looked at the scene before him. Draco's mouth was moving, but nothing was coming out. Harry stood in stony silence, his face completely devoid of emotion. George gulped. Okay, so maybe Lucky hadn't been their best idea to date…

The door flew open and the rest of Harry's party piled in. Fred pushed through to the front and smiled widely, "So, what's going on in-" and with a look at his twin's face, he shut up.

"How could you, Dray?" Harry asked quietly. All the anger had drained from his countenance, and the only thing left was disappointment. Harry stood still, waiting for an answer. But he didn't get the response he expected. Draco burst into tears. Harry's resolve instantly crumbled and he hurried to his fiancé and wrapped him in his arms, "Oh, Dray, don't cry! I still love you more than anything!"

"L-L-Leo," Draco stuttered through his tears, "I'm _so_ sorry! I don't know what came over me. It's just, he looked so much like you and I missed you terribly and…"

"Oh, please," Ron muttered while rolling his eyes.

"It's true!" Draco cried passionately.

"Oh, Dray, I bel-"

"Never knew he could get so emotional," Dean said loudly, clearly drunk.

"Never knew he even had feelings," Seamus added, clearly even more drunk.

"Hey, I have feelings!" Draco bellowed, rounding on them. He was a sight to behold: tears running down his cheeks, arms waving wildly, and mouth working furiously. "I _do_ have feelings," he repeated, "I'm a normal wizard, after all. Why, if you poke me, do I not flinch? If you do something stupid, do I not smirk? If you write nasty articles about me, _do I not faint_?"

They all looked at him for a moment…and then proceeded to burst out laughing.

Harry pulled Draco to him and chuckled into his hair, "Oh, Dray, love, with _that_ speech, you're forgiven."

"Gee, thanks," Draco muttered, obviously perturbed at his exclamation's reception.

"Ok, ok!" Fred interrupted jovially. He looked at Harry and then at Draco, "Are we all made up and forgiven now?"

Draco looked nervously at Harry, who simply tightened his hold on the blonde and said, "Yes," firmly. Draco visibly relaxed.

"No question who the girl in _that_ relationship is," Ron whispered loudly to Neville, who snickered. Draco scowled.

"Well, alright then," George clapped his hands, "it's time for the next great adventure."

"Oh, god. Don't tell me: it's Lucky's twin brother, Fortune!" Harry said sarcastically. Draco cringed.

"No, no! Don't be foolish, Harry! It's time for…PRESENTS!" Fred grinned.

Draco perked right up, "Really now? That's the best part!" And he grabbed Harry's hand and dragged him over to the red table and sat him down in the seat to his left.

"Hey, that's my seat!" Fred pointed out crossly.

Draco shrugged, "Sorry, Weasley. Priorities, you know," and he smiled sweetly at Harry, who shrugged at George and winked.

"Glad to know I'm your top priority, love," Harry patted Draco's hand.

"What? No! The presents are my top priority! You're my fiancé, so you get to help. Bring on my bridal shower booty!" Draco rubbed his hands together excitedly.

"Oh, wow, thanks," Harry rolled his eyes.

"Enough of that, you two!" George interrupted, "here's the present from Dean and Lavender!" Everyone scrambled to get a seat as Draco accepted the gift regally. Harry groaned.

"I wonder what this could be," Draco said curiously, as he poked the oddly shaped package. He looked over at Dean, who simply shrugged and smiled mysteriously.

Draco slowly started to pull away the wrappings and held his breath as…

The paper fell away to reveal two helmets. "Huh?" Draco looked up with a bewildered expression on his face. Harry sunk down in his seat.

"It's for when you get the motorcycle!" Dean said eagerly, obviously quite proud of himself.

"Motorcycle? What motorcycle?" Draco scratched his head.

"Why, the motorcycle Harry's always wanted, of course! You know how much his uncle hated them, so he wants to get one!" Dean said cheerfully.

"Harry…" Draco turned towards his fiancé, "A MOTORCYCLE?"

"Well, umm…" Harry stuttered.

"I thought we agreed on a nice, sensible car big enough for when we have kids!" Draco screeched.

"Err…"

"We'll talk about this later, Mr. Potter!" Draco said scathingly, in a voice that held much promise for pain.

Harry winced, "Yes, dear."

"Next present," Draco said sulkily, pushing the helmets to the very edge of the table. He looked up at Dean, "I don't mind if they fall off, you see."

"Yea, I got it," Dean grumbled, upset that his big gift hadn't gotten the reaction he'd expected.

"Uh, yea, here's the next one," Fred said delicately, laying the small parcel down, "From Neville."

"Oh boy," Draco said sarcastically. Harry glared at him. "A remembrall?" Draco asked snidely, "Great gift, Longbottom. I think you meant to give this to yourself…"

"Enough, Draco!" Harry yelled, standing up and towering over the blonde, "It's one thing to sulk and pout when you don't get your way, but being rude and nasty to my friends is another thing altogether!"

"I was planning on being just as mean to Blaise and them!" Draco protested weakly.

"Hey!"

"Quiet, you," Harry told the annoyed Blaise and then he rounded on Draco again, "And you just better open up the rest of your little presents without complaint, Malfoy, or I will personally make sure you don't get laid for a year!"

"Ooo, harsh," Charlie mumbled under his breath.

Again, Draco had a rapid change of moods, "You…you h-haven't called me Malfoy in four years," he whispered, tears filling his eyes.

"Is he pregnant or something?" Ron muttered to Seamus, who grinned.

"Shut up, Ron," Harry growled, turning swiftly to his best friend and giving him a nasty glare. Ron shut up.

"H-H-Harry…" Draco whispered, "I'm _so_ sorr-"

"Oh, save it," Harry sneered, "I'm so sick of you, Draco. You're sweet as pie to me, and even the Weasleys and the rest of my friends, but you get upset and bam: you're a time bomb ready to go off. I just…I just can't understand it," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his anger gone.

"I can," a quiet voice said.

Everyone looked at Ron, who blushed. "Ron?" Harry questioned, a slight warning in his tone.

"I can," Ron insisted. "Look," he ran his hand through his hair, "you two love each other. That much is obvious. And however loath I am to admit it, mate, Draco adores you. But that's the problem. He's still a Slytherin. Though a changed one, of course, as are all present here. You've turned into good men," Ron smiled at Draco's side of the table, "but he's still a Slytherin, Harry. He tries to please you by being as nice as possible. I bet it gets incredibly difficult sometimes. But he tries to hide it. However, when he snaps, he _snaps_. The snarky old bloody git who hates everyone's guts rears his ugly head. I think you," he looked at Draco, "need to be yourself _all_ the time. And you," he turned to Harry, "need to cut the man you love some slack."

"Wow," Harry whispered.

"Who knew Ron was so observant _and_ insightful?" Fred whispered to George.

George snickered, "I sure as hell didn't."

Draco smiled slightly, "Thank you, Ron. I'm proud to call you my friend," and he held his hand out to the redhead. Ron took it firmly. Draco then turned to Harry. "Leo?" he asked hesitantly.

"Oh, Dray!" Harry enfolded his fiancé in his arms, "I'm sorry, love. I've been so insensitive lately."

"Is it just me, or has there been an awful lot of apologizing going on tonight?" Theodore Nott muttered in Blaise's ear.

"This whole thing is so gay," Blaise agreed with a shudder.

"Presents?" Fred broke in quickly.

"Oh yes!" Draco cried. "Umm, Harry? Help me?" he asked shyly.

"Oi," Blaise rolled his eyes.

And open presents they did. Not only did they receive a muggle toaster from Ron and Hermione ("But what does it _do_?" Draco asked, poking at it.) and a wok from Blaise and Pansy ("I assure you, it's a magic one," Blaise patted the upset Draco's head.), but they also got some more risqué items as well…

"HANDCUFFS?" Harry cried as he pulled them from their box. He looked up at Bill incredulously.

"Sure," Bill grinned, "Bondage can be quite fun!"

"Bondage?" Draco squeaked.

Harry grinned wickedly, "Why not, love? Sounds," he ran his eyes up and down Draco's body, "_pleasurable_." Draco turned bright red.

And then there'd been…

"What is THAT?" Draco choked out.

"Umm, I think it's for…you," Harry held up the bright pink vibrator.

"Au contraire, Harry. There's a reason I handed the box to you," Seamus winked at him.

Harry's eyes snapped back to the long, thick toy, "For…for _ME_? Hell no! I don't…don't _do_ that…"

"After all the hoopla from that stupid article, I think you should. Do it for Draco," Seamus urged.

"Well, we have…once," Draco admitted slowly.

"Yea," Harry snorted, "And it lasted for what? Thirty seconds?"

Draco turned bright red again.

"Okay, okay! Enough of that, you two! Now it's time for the other best part!" George gushed.

"More presents?" Draco bopped up excitedly.

"Umm, no," Fred raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's time for cake!" George jumped up excitedly, "Please feel free to talk amongst yourselves." And he and Fred hurried out of the room.

The guests talked quietly and shuffled around the room as they waited for the twins to return. Harry and Draco snuggled happily at the table. "I love you, Leo," Draco giggled.

"Someone's had too much to drink," Harry said wisely, nearly falling off his chair.

"Yup!" Draco giggled some more.

"May I have your attention, gentlemen…_and_ ladies?" George smirked at Harry and Draco, who in turn smiled drunkenly at him.

George slipped back into the room beyond the hot pink door and reentered pushing a huge cake in front of him. 'Congrats Harry and Draco' was written in red and green lettering on the top.

"It looks like a Christmas decoration," Draco whispered loudly.

George shrugged, "Show of house unity, I guess."

"Here, here to house unity!" Goyle slurred, waving his tankard.

"Okay, everyone, on the count of three!" George grinned, "One, two, three…"

"For they are jolly good fellows, for they are jolly good fellows, for they are jolly good fellows, which nobody can deny!" they all sang loudly.

And then, as Harry had expected, someone popped out of the cake. It was a tradition. It was classic. But, of course, these _are_ the twins we're talking about…

"Gah!" Harry cried, shooting out of his chair.

"No way," Draco whispered, also rising and backing away.

A slow, terrifying smirk began to form on the short person standing in the middle of the cake. "Hello, boys," Dolores Umbridge hissed in her high, breathy voice.

"Hell no!" Harry shouted, tripping over a chair and stumbling backward. Umbridge hopped down from the cake and started towards him. "Ack!" and Harry bolted from the room.

"Harry!" Draco cried, following him.

&#&

Harry pushed his way through the smoke-filled club. His alcohol-clouded brain was on overload, and he had no idea what he was doing or where he was going.

"Harry!" a voice called.

Harry stopped and turned warily. A blonde hurried toward him. Only problem was, it was the wrong blonde. "There you are, Harry!" Ryan grinned, "I was wondering where you'd gotten to!"

"Oh god, not you," Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, "Look, I-"

"No, no. We'll have none of that. I just wanted to apologize for what happened before."

Harry blinked, "Really?"

"Yea. I was out of line. I didn't mean to scare you…"

"Ugg," Harry groaned. This guy was really starting to get on his nerves.

"…and I wanted to make it up to you," Ryan finished, smiling charmingly.

"Fine. Whatever," Harry grumbled and turned to leave.

"I don't think so, love. I meant we should _kiss_ and make up," and Ryan grabbed Harry's arm, spun him around, and pressed their lips together.

"H-H-Harry?" a familiar voice stuttered.

Harry pushed Ryan away from him, and seeing Draco standing next to them with tears in his eyes, Harry moaned, "Crap."

He turned to Ryan, swung his arm back, and punched him in the face. Ryan flew back and landed on the floor, hand over his eye and incredulous look on his face.

"Stay away from my fiancé and me," Harry growled, swiveled on his heel, and started for Draco.

"Harry, look out!" Draco cried, and dove at Ryan, who had gotten back up and was advancing on Harry.

Harry whirled around and saw that Draco was pounding his fists into Ryan's chest. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and Harry ducked, expecting the fist that came flying. Harry spun around and tripped the guy that was lunging at him. The guy who had first tried to punch him grabbed Harry around the middle. Harry struggled and stomped on the guy's foot. He released Harry, who jumped away.

"Harry!" Draco shouted, effectively garnering his attention, "he has his friends helping him!" And Harry saw that a fourth guy was pulling Draco off Ryan. Draco was thrashing about, and with a well-placed kick, the man was down and he was running to help Harry.

Someone banged into the brunette and so, Harry reflexively pushed him to the ground. Only, it wasn't one of Ryan's friends…

"Fight!" someone screamed. The room was instantly filled with chaos. Harry and Draco were back to back, Ryan and his three henchmen circling them.

"What's all this commotion?" Fred (who was in Umbridge's clothes) cried as the rest of the party skidded into the room.

Seeing Harry and Draco in the center of it all, George rolled his eyes, "Sure, we leave them alone for _two seconds_…"

&#&

It was a defeated and bedraggled bunch that staggered up to Harry and Draco's building (they were too drunk to apparate). Each person was sporting at least one cut or bruise, excluding Ron who had a sprained ankle and Draco who had a broken finger.

"Well, boys," Fred said sheepishly, "We aren't normal men and we sure as hell aren't mice, but things _definitely_ went awry tonight."

"Go home. Go to sleep. Leave us alone," Draco mumbled while staring woefully at his finger.

There was a chorus of murmured goodnights and the men slowly started trudging off in different directions.

"Don't worry, love," Harry rubbed Draco's shoulder, "I'll be able to fix that finger in a jiffy."

"Jiffy?" Draco giggled and then winced, "you're _really_ drunk, huh?"

"Yup!" Harry grinned. He reached out and grasped Draco's finger. Draco yelped. "Shh…" Harry calmed him. He squeezed slightly and with a muttered incantation, the bone healed.

Draco flexed his finger cautiously. It was a bit stiff, but otherwise in perfect working order. Draco whooped, "Woo-hoo! No hospital! Thanks, Leo!"

"No problem," Harry wandered over to the apartment building's front steps and collapsed with a groan. He dropped his head into his hands, "I think I'm going crazy."

Draco plopped down next to him and patted his knee, "No, you're just going sane in a crazy world."

Harry looked up at Draco, "You're a weird drunk."

"Yes, yes I am," Draco laughed and pulled Harry and himself up, "C'mon, Leo, let's go inside. You never know," he grinned wickedly, "if you play your cards right, you just might get your own private strip show." He smirked, "You up to it?"

Harry smirked right back, "If _you_ play_ your_ cards right, we'll _both_ be 'up' to it and you'll be putting that finger to good use."

_To be continued…_

**A/N: **so, yea. that was it. what do ya think? a few things i must point out: fred's last line ("Well, boys," Fred said sheepishly, "We aren't normal men and we sure as hell aren't mice, but things _definitely_ went awry tonight.") is adapted from the famous line from a Robert Burns poem: "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry". and umm, oh yea, some of harry and draco's last lines ("No problem," Harry wandered over to the front steps and collapsed with a groan. He dropped his head into his hands, "I think I'm going crazy." Draco plopped down next to him and patted his knee, "No, you're just going sane in a crazy world.") were taken from an episode of _The Tick_ (BEST CARTOON SERIES EVER).

as i said in my first a/n, don't expect an update right away. gimme a little while. heh. also, i've changed my goal to 100 reviews. think you can do it in the next few chapters? also, chapter 8's gonna be the wedding. if it's excessively long (like the bachelor party would've been if i kept it together), would you like for me to split it up again or keep it as one long chapter? i, personally, like the split chapter approach, but that's just me. here's an excerpt from chapter 7 to tide you over…

_**Chapter 7-** Annie from the Office_

"I really, _really_ hate this new guy, Kermit…"

"Kermit? No way! You mean like the frog? What, is he dating some pig?"

"No," Draco glared at him, "Why would he be a frog? Though, I'd like to turn him into one…"

"Oh, love," Harry rubbed his fiancé's hands, "I really need to expose you to more muggle pop culture…"

_Stay tuned for Chapter 7, coming soon to a computer near you!_

bye bye, all.


	7. Annie from the Office

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N: **yay! it's chapter seven! i know you'll never believe me, but i seriously had this finished like a week after i posted the last chapter. but then i just couldn't find time to type it! that's so typical, ya know? other times its taken me months to finish a chapter and then i have all the time in the world to type it, but when i actually finish a chapter fast, i have no time whatsoever. grr. anyways, it's here now, so woot! i thought that in this chapter, i'd take a break from all the wedding chaos (as the next chapter will be _filled_ with it, obviously) and visit draco at work. just let me say, i had grand ideas for this chap, but somehow, i think they got lost in translation. it seems like a bit of a let down after the craziness of the last chapter, but oh well. i don't like it all that much (but then again, i've never liked _anything_ i've written _ever_), but it is a chance for my first harry/draco scene (but if you blink, you might miss it, so keep your eyes open. heh.)! it's my first time writing more than kissing, so be kind. anyways, hope you enjoy and please review!

_**Chapter 7- **Annie from the Office_

"I'm home," Draco grumbled, wandering into the kitchen, a scowl on his face.

"How was work?" Harry asked casually. Draco scowled again, slid into the chair opposite Harry, and started to talk.

This was a nightly ritual. Draco would get home from work, Harry would ask how his day had been, and the bitching would begin.

They'd sit at the kitchen table, with something or other bubbling on the stove, and Draco would complain. Harry held his hands and made sympathetic clucking noises when he was expected to (the signal was a squeeze to the hand; that way, Harry never got into trouble).

But tonight was different. Not only had Draco ranted on and on about Annie with the non-existent gaydar, but there was apparently a new kid on the block giving him all sorts of hell…

"I really, _really_ hate this new guy, Kermit…"

"Kermit? No way! You mean like the frog? What, is he dating some pig?"

"No," Draco glared at him, "Why would he be a frog? Though, I'd like to turn him into one…"

"Oh, love," Harry rubbed his fiancé's hands, "I really need to expose you to more muggle pop culture…"

Draco groaned, "Oh, god, no more, please. You've already made me watch those Mighty Python shows a dozen times."

Harry rolled his eyes, "_Monty_ Python, Draco. _Monty_ Python."

Draco shrugged, "Whatever. But I really don't want to learn more about a society that compares evil co-workers to frogs. That's just _weird_, Harry."

Harry couldn't hide a small smile, "Yes, dear, it is weird, I guess." He patted the blonde's hand.

"Anyway," Draco continued, turning sulky again, "This Kermit guy barges into my office and acts like he owns the place. Just because he's the boss's nephew, he thinks he's better than all of us. And I'm higher up than him! I'm second-in-command, for God's sake!" he squeezed Harry's hand violently.

"I know, love, I know," Harry cooed obediently, "But the world is full of idiots, and it looks like our village just got its own."

"But we already have Ron!" Draco protested.

Harry snorted, "Yea, that we do."

"That man is going to drive me insane. Eventually I won't be able to restrain myself from killing him. I'll end up in Azkaban, Harry!" Draco was starting to panic.

Harry sighed heavily, "Fine. What do you want me to do about it?"

"Well, I'm not sure…"

"When should I beat him up?" Harry asked resignedly.

"Hey!" Draco cried, "If I wanted him beaten up, I could do it myself! I'm not some weakling, Mr. Potter!" Harry chortled. Draco glared. "Anyway, I had more of a… _psychological_ threat in mind."

"Yes?" Harry perked up, interested.

"Well, our dear friend Kermit is a bit of a homophobe (Harry scowled), so I thought we could…_educate_ him a bit, if you catch my drift?"

"Oh, I caught it alright. And let me say, Mr. Malfoy, that I like the way that diabolical mind of yours works."

Draco smirked, "Why, thank you, Harry."

&#&

"Harry…I-I had no idea…" Draco murmured, "You look _incredible_."

Harry looked down at himself and shrugged, "Not really. I just borrowed some of your clothes."

Draco grinned, "You should borrow them more often. You look good all gayed up." Harry chuckled and struck a girly pose. "Excellent," Draco cackled, steepling his fingers.

Harry looked at him funny, "You're scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant, but _scary_."

"I try," Draco straightened his tie and said, "See you in a few, love." He pecked Harry on the cheek, grabbed his briefcase, and disappeared with a crack.

Harry turned and walked into the kitchen. He had some time before they were putting their plan into action, so he figured he'd wash the breakfast dishes. If he didn't do it now, he'd just have to do it later. Washing the dishes was the one thing he couldn't convince Draco to do.

When they'd first moved in together, Harry had been appalled when he'd discovered that Draco not only _wouldn't_ clean up after himself, but didn't know _how_. But, ironically, he couldn't stand for things to be messy or out of place. God forbid something dared to be dirty in his presence.

But he wouldn't clean it himself. He'd just leave it until Harry finally got tired of looking at it (or smelling it) and did it himself. Harry had been disgusted with the blonde. How hypocritical could you get? Needless to say, something had to be done, and Harry had done it all right.

He hadn't tidied, washed, or vacuumed a thing for a week. Draco had determinedly walked past the mound of dirty clothes, the sink full of dirty dishes, the rancid garbage can, and the weird green thing growing on the bathroom counter for a whole week. But, on the eighth day he'd crumbled. He'd broken down in front of the clothes hamper in their bedroom and started hysterically throwing clothes into a laundry basket, all the while wailing about the state of his black cashmere and green velvet trousers. Harry had won.

And over the years, he'd convinced Draco to do other household chores (besides the wash, which Draco insisted on doing himself ever since that day, deeming Harry inappropriate to deal with his more delicate items). But, for some reason, he simply refused to wash the dishes. So, Harry had caved, and it was still the one chore he had exclusively to himself.

And after all that, Draco had dared to say that the apartment was clean because of _him_, instead of pointing out that Hermione and Ron had never seen Harry's own personal living quarters. The brunette was, surprisingly enough, a complete neat freak.

Harry was pulled out of his reminiscing by the chiming of the grandfather clock in the dining room. Harry grinned: nine o' clock. It was time.

&#&

Draco drummed his fingers on his desk impatiently. Where was Harry? It was already five past nine and there was no sign of the brunette anywhere. He got up abruptly and started to pace around his office. Where was h- His head snapped up when he heard a commotion by the elevators. A wicked smirk spread across his face. Showtime.

He sat down gracefully behind his desk, rested his legs on the polished wood surface, and put his arms behind his head. Leaning back, he smiled at the man who had just entered his office, "Hello, Kermit."

"Mr. Malfoy," Kermit ground out, "there's someone here to see you." Draco started to open his mouth but Kermit cut him off, "So seeing as it's work hours, I sent him away," he finished triumphantly.

Draco growled low in his throat, "Why, you little…"

"Draco, love, there's no need for that. I haven't left _just_ yet," a familiar voice drawled. Draco slowly moved his eyes past Kermit to the figure standing slightly behind him. From the skin-tight leather pants that hung low on his hips to the sheer silver shirt hugging his six-pack with the top three buttons undone, Harry looked _fan-fucking-tastic_.

Draco smiled, "Leo, dear, to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"

Harry shrugged coyly and swaggered over to the desk. He hopped up onto it gracefully and started swinging his legs, grinning at Draco, "Just wanted to visit my favorite man at work, is all."

Draco started to get up but quickly glanced at the other man in the room, "Kermit? Would you please excuse us?"

Kermit looked doubtfully at Harry, but eventually bowed his head in submission, "Yes, of course, Mr. Malfoy," and he hurried out.

Harry watched him go and then turned back to Draco, cocking his head curiously, "Why was he in here in the first place?"

"To tell me you'd-"

"I know that," Harry interrupted him, "but why was he the one sent to tell you?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention that? He's my secretary," Draco waved his hand apologetically.

"He's your WHAT?" Harry shouted, leaping down from the rather uncomfortable desk.

"Leo, calm down!" Draco stepped up next to his fiancé and stroked his cheek, "He's my secretary. So what?"

Harry took a deep breath, "So what, Draco? This changes everything!" he was starting to sound a bit hysterical.

Draco was puzzled, "How does this change everything?"

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "See, Dray, _this_ is why I need to expose you to more muggle culture! I don't know how often it happens in the wizarding world, but it happens to the muggles all the time. The young, good-looking secretary falls for the older, wizened boss-"

"I'm only twenty-two, Harry! And Kermit's not that good-looking! And I told you, he's a homophobe-"

"Draco," Harry stopped him with a hand on the blonde's shoulder, "He doesn't look more than eighteen. Yes, he's very good-looking, but you dislike him so much, you haven't noticed. And how do you know he's a homophobe?"

"Because he's always saying terrible things about us and our relationship and…_you_, Leo. You! He's constantly badmouthing you! Why do you think I hate him as I do?"

Harry shook his head sadly, "Dray, why do you think he says those things? Has he ever spoken badly of _you_?"

"Well, no…"

"See," Harry nodded his head towards Kermit, who was watching them through the glass door from behind his desk, "he's fallen in love with you and is trying to get you away from me," Harry finished sadly.

"Oh, Leo! You know I'd never-"

"Which is why," Harry continued, "we need to give him a show he shan't ever forget," Harry smirked at Draco suggestively and started to walk towards him.

"Oh, gonna stake your claim, eh, Harry?" Draco leered, backing away from his fiancé and making sure to swing his hips.

"You bet I am," Harry purred.

The back of Draco's legs hit his desk chair and he sank into it with a moan of anticipation. He looked up at Harry and patted his knee, "Care to join me?"

Harry chuckled as he straddled Draco's lap, "I'd be glad to," he breathed into Draco's ear, causing the blonde to shiver.

"Oh, Harry," Draco moaned, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist tightly. Harry grinned and slid his hands up Draco's chest to rest on his shoulders. He slowly started to knead the supple flesh he could feel through Draco's thin dress shirt.

"Why are you always so cold?" Harry murmured, running his hands down Draco's arms.

"Because I have you to warm me up," Draco hissed slyly as Harry shifted, bringing their aching arousals together.

"So you had an ulterior motive all along," Harry brushed his lips to Draco's jaw and slowly ground his hips down. Draco gasped and let his head fall back.

"This is…me we're talking about," Draco groaned as Harry nipped his ear, licked across his neck and jaw, and finally found his lips.

"I love you," Harry whispered and suddenly claimed Draco's lips in a hard, frenzied kiss. All softness and foreplay forgotten, they moved against each other in earnest. After being together for so long, they were perfectly attuned. Draco would thrust up just as Harry would thrust down, thus generating the delicious friction that was slowly driving them to climax. Their tongues battled as sweat started to form on their brows. They were both so close and…

Kermit burst into the office, "Mr. Malfoy!" he shouted, "There's a…phone call for you on line one, sir."

Draco smiled at him contentedly as he cradled a sated Harry to his chest, "Thank you, Kermit. Now please leave my fiancé and I alone."

Kermit looked at the satisfied Harry and sighed in defeat, "Yes, Mr. Malfoy," and he trudged out of the office.

Harry grinned, "Well, I think it worked."

"Yes. If he was in love with me, which is still absurd, by the way- well, no, I _am_ quite lovable (Harry rolled his eyes)- but if he was, after that display, he'll at least realize I ain't in love with him."

"Good," Harry nodded his head firmly, "Though I do feel kinda bad for the guy."

Draco moaned, "Harry!"

&#&

"Well, that was fun," Harry exclaimed as he skipped happily next to Draco.

"Harry, behave yourself. We're just going to the coffee shop upstairs. Someone might hear you!" Draco scolded the brunette, but inside, he was cackling merrily right along with him.

They stepped into the elevator and Draco had to bite back a moan when he saw who was inside. Annie Pulaski, Quodpot Manager and general pain in Draco's ass, was already standing there humming at the ceiling. But as the doors started to slide shut, her gaze came to rest on the blonde, "Oh, hello, Mr. Malfoy!" she gushed.

Draco grimaced, "We'll take the next one," and he stopped the door with his hand and started to get out.

"Oh, nonsense, Dray! This one is quite dandy enough!" And he pulled Draco back into the lift.

Draco glanced over his shoulder at Harry, "Dandy?" he mouthed. Harry shrugged.

"So, Mr. Malfoy, who's your friend?" Annie tittered.

"This, Annie, is my _fiancé_, Harry. Harry _Potter_. He's the one I've told you about, oh, a million times," Draco said calmly.

Harry smiled charmingly, "Hello, miss, it's great to meet you," and he held his hand out for her to shake. When she placed her hand in his, he pulled it towards him and bent down to kiss it. Annie giggled. Draco rolled his eyes.

"So, Annie, you're the one that's been sending Draco all those lovely bouquets, right?" Harry asked curiously, his arm slipping around Draco's waist.

Annie turned bright red, "Well, yes, I was. But now that I've seen you, I guess you really _do_ exist."

"Well spotted," Draco muttered.

"Draco," Harry scolded, "You can't blame the lady. At least she has good taste." Annie giggled again.

Draco considered that for a moment and finally conceded, "True," he nodded in Annie's direction, "My compliments."

The elevator came to a halt and the doors clanked open. Harry and Draco stepped out into the Atrium as Annie waved merrily until the doors closed. Draco shivered, "I hate that woman."

"And she'll never bother you again," Harry tipped him a wink as he held the door of the coffee shop open for the blonde, "Ladies first."

Draco looked him up and down, "With that outfit, after _you_." Harry scowled, but entered first.

"Well, well, well," a familiar voice leered, "If it isn't the two lovebirds. Finally decided to venture out from the nest, eh, boys?" Kermit asked haughtily.

Draco groaned, "Look, you-"

"No, you look! I have something to say to you, and you're going to listen!" Kermit shouted.

Harry rolled his eyes and wandered over to a nearby table, "This outta be good," he muttered.

"I don't understand how you can be with him, Draco! You used to hate him in school! He used to hate _you_! And because of that, he'll never _truly_ love you! But I will!"

Harry stretched his legs out in front of him, "Can I get some popcorn?" he asked a passing waitress. She just gave him a funny look, so he turned his attention back to the unfolding scene before him.

"…but that's where you're wrong," Draco was saying, "I've loved Harry since the day I met him! I never hated him. Heck, he had me at hello (A/N: just some shameless promotion for other stories by the author)!"

"I don't believe that! I could be so much more for you. I bet I'm a better suited bottom, at least!"

"Why does everyone think I'm a bottom?" Harry asked the frazzled waitress.

"I'm sorry, Kermit," Draco stated, not sounding sorry at all, "but it could never work between us. I love Harry. I'm his. He's mine. The whole 'til death do us part' thing sorta applies. But you're young. You'll find someone better suited for you."

"No, I won't. You're perfect."

"And you're an idiot," Draco mumbled.

"And I'm Harry Potter!" Harry cried, jumping up. Both turned towards him and gave him a funny look. Harry shrugged, "Sorry. I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest."

Draco moaned and turned back to Kermit, "Look, Kermit, just let it go. Now, leave us alone," and Draco started to walk towards Harry's table.

"Yea, go to him, Draco. You little slut," Kermit spat mockingly.

Harry was up and out of his chair faster than Draco at a clothing sale, "What did you say, toad-man?"

"Umm," Kermit started backing away slowly, "nothing?" he offered weakly.

Harry cracked his knuckles threateningly, "Don't let the outfit fool you, frog. Just because I _look_ like a pansy doesn't mean I hit like one."

Kermit gulped, "Mr. Potter, sir…"

"I have to stop this immediately," the waitress muttered, starting to hurry toward the pair.

Draco stopped her with a hand on the arm, "Don't interrupt Harry now. He's in his zone."

"How dare you call my fiancé a slut!" Harry growled, advancing menacingly on the scared man, "when you're so obviously one yourself…"

Draco decided it was time to step in, "Ok, Leo, that's enough. But know this," he glared at Kermit, "Bother me again, and I won't stop him next time."

Kermit squeaked. Harry smirked, "Tell your boss that Draco's taking the rest of the day off." And he proceeded to pull Draco from the café. The whole shop watched them go.

&#&

"Did you see his face?" Harry chuckled as he unlocked their front door, "He looked like he was ready to piss himself at any moment!"

Draco smiled, "You did a bang-up job, Leo. I sincerely doubt that Kermit will be giving me any more trouble for quite a long time."

"Thank you, dear. I try," Harry grinned and tossed his keys onto the table by the door. He started to leaf through the mail Hedwig had dropped on the sideboard, "Oh, letter for you from St. Mungo's," and he passed the envelope to Draco.

Draco took the letter curiously and quickly tore it open. He pulled out a crisp sheet of parchment and scanned the first few lines. "Mother's killed herself," he stated emotionlessly.

Harry's head snapped up and he looked at the shocked blonde. Draco had turned a deathly white and the hand holding the letter was starting to shake. In an instant, Harry was across the room and pulling Draco into his arms, "Oh, I'm so sorry, love. You must feel terrible."

Draco shrugged, "Not particularly. The woman was good to me, but I'm not sure if she ever truly loved me."

"I'm sure she did," Harry cooed while stroking his hair.

"It would be easier if she hadn't," Draco muttered darkly.

"I'm sure she didn't," Harry corrected, smiling in spite of himself.

Draco smiled too, "Don't worry, Leo. I'm fine, really. Just a little surprised is all. Besides, I was afraid that even though she was certifiably insane, she'd somehow find a way to stop the wedding. Now she can't and won't _ever_ be able to come between us."

"That's one way to put a positive spin on things," Harry nodded.

Draco grinned, "It's a gift."

Harry chortled, "If it is, it sure as hell is a dodgy little blighter."

"Harry!" Draco cried, "_Fine_. No sex for you tonight."

"Aw, damn," Harry moaned, "me and my big mouth."

_To be continued…_

**A/N: **well, boo-yah! i'm glad that's finally over because this chapter was impossible to write. i think it's utter crap and that alleged "sex" scene was tamer than a PG kiss. dang. ahh, well, i tried _real_ hard. anyways, i am really sorry it took so long, but as i said in my first a/n, i just couldn't find the time to type it, but now my midterms are over (cross your fingers that I did well!) and i have more time to focus on this. i have the eighth chapter almost finished (and, i surprisingly _love_ it), so that should be up in less than three weeks. i _promise_. after that, i can't say how regular my posts will be because who knew being a junior in high school would be so…_hard_? anyways, if you even liked this crap of a chapter a little bit, please click the little blue button on the bottom left-hand corner. muchas gracias! and cya next time!

_Coming soon on Knock First, Damnit…_

_**Chapter 8- **The Not-So-Blushing Bride_

Draco smirked and turned his attention to the package. He immediately knew who it was from when he saw 'Dray' written on the envelope attached to the lid. Draco tore open the letter and read:

_Dray,_

_On our special day, I have a gift for you_

_Something old, something new_

_Something borrowed, something blue_

_Is what they normally wear, hun_

_But I thought I'd have some fun_

_And start our own tradition._

_See you in about thirty seconds, love._

_Harry_

Draco was puzzled. What was Harry getting at? Had he been high when he'd written this? He looked at the last line and shrugged, "Whatever you say, Leo."

He pulled the top off the box and pushed the tissue paper away. He stared. And stared. And stared. His eye twitched and he suddenly regained his ability to speak, "Where the HELL is he? He's DEAD. His ass is MINE!" and he threw open the door, "HARRY POTTER!" he bellowed.

"What's so horrib- oh," Hermione blinked when she saw what was in the box and had to quickly stifle a chuckle. She noticed that Draco had stormed out the door, so she hurried after him.

_What's in the box? Find out in the next fun-filled installment of Knock First, Damnit!_

thanks, you guys. i love you all.


	8. The Not So Blushing Bride

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N: **as i was typing the apologies that always seem to dominate these first author notes, i had an interesting thought. how many people _actually_ read these? i mean, some authors notes are interesting, but those are _other_ authors. mine are just what i said…half-ass apologies and empty promises. even so, if you're reading this, thank you, i guess. you probably have even less of a life than i do …just kidding! anyway, on to business. i'm SO sorry. i'm a terrible person. i really am. and no excuses are gonna cut it this time, i'm thinking. of course, i've been in a frenzy preparing for my SATs (which i'm taking tomorrow, april 1st, btw) and making plans for my b-day party (april 10th i turn 17! woot!). i also hurt my left _and _right knees in succession these past three weeks as well. but as i said, those are just empty (even though they're true) excuses. so anyway, here's chapter eight. i like it okay, i guess. i hope you do, too. enjoy!

_**Chapter 8- **The Not-So-Blushing Bride_

"Draco Malfoy! Stand still or die!" Hermione Granger snapped, taking a pin from between her lips and sticking it violently into the white material in front of her.

Draco yelped, "Easy on the goods, darling. Wouldn't want to damage anything before the honeymoon or Harry will murder you."

"Oooh, I'm quaking in my heels," Hermione muttered sarcastically, "That'll never work on me, Draco. I stopped being afraid of angry!Harry years ago."

"Darn," Draco snapped his fingers, "Now how will I control and manipulate you in order to make you do my evil bidding?" Draco asked dejectedly.

"Sorry. Guess you'll just have to whip Ron into shape instead."

"Oh god," Draco moaned, "Please don't _ever_ use the words 'Ron' and 'whip' in the same sentence ever again."

Hermione laughed, "You know what, Draco? You really are an okay guy. And you're just right for Harry. I see why he fell for you."

Draco smiled, "Thanks, Hermione. That means a lot coming from you." They smiled at each other for a while until Draco's face suddenly fell, "Dear God," he muttered.

"What's wrong?" Hermione questioned urgently, afraid he'd finally gotten the dreaded cold feet.

"I'm really making friends with the Gryffindors," he looked surprised.

Hermione rolled her eyes and cuffed him on the head affectionately, "Idiot."

"That's more like it," he nodded. Hermione laughed. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "What?" Draco called irritably.

"A package for you, Mr. Malfoy," a muffled voice recited.

"Come in," Draco stood up as Colin Creevy (still an avid fan of Harry's and unfortunately dating Ginny) walked in carrying a large white box. "Put it there," Draco indicated the small dressing table on the far wall. "Thanks," he smiled.

Colin rushed out, muttering about crazy saviors and overly nice Malfoys. Draco smirked and turned his attention to the package. He immediately knew who it was from when he saw 'Dray' written on the envelope attached to the lid. Draco tore open the letter and read:

_Dray,_

_On our special day, I have a gift for you_

_Something old, something new_

_Something borrowed, something blue_

_Is what they normally wear, hun_

_But I thought I'd have some fun_

_And start our own tradition._

_See you in about thirty seconds, love._

_Harry_

Draco was puzzled. What was Harry getting at? Had he been high when he'd written this? He looked at the last line and shrugged, "Whatever you say, Leo."

He pulled the top off the box and pushed the tissue paper away. He stared. And stared. And stared. His eye twitched and he suddenly regained his ability to speak, "Where the FUCK is he? He's DEAD. His ass is MINE!" and he threw open the door, "HARRY POTTER!" he bellowed.

"What's so horrib- oh," Hermione blinked when she saw what was in the box and had to quickly stifle a chuckle. She noticed that Draco had stormed out the door, so she hurried after him.

Draco was furious. Where did he get off doing a thing like that on their wedding day? Huh? HUH? Draco burst into Harry's dressing room and screamed at the top of his lungs, "POTTER!"

Harry stood up casually from the trunk he'd been bent over and rubbed his neck, "Y'know? That could be considered hypocritical, Dray. You burst into tears every time I call you Malfoy."

"SHUT UP!" Draco cried, "DON'T TALK BACK TO ME WHEN I'M YELLING AT YOU!"

"Whatever," Harry shrugged and Draco suddenly noticed that his soon-to-be-ex fiancé was wearing one of those sleeping masks that cover your eyes. He blinked, "Why are you wearing a mask?" he demanded.

Harry shrugged again, "Muggle tradition. I don't want to see you till you're walking towards me down the aisle."

"Screw your muggle tradition!" Draco was getting angry again, so he strode right up to Harry and ripped the mask off of his face. Harry yelped, but kept his eyes firmly closed. Draco growled, "Look at me, damn-it!" Harry ignored him. Draco growled again, "_Fine_. But why the HELL did you send me a freaking WEDDING DRESS?"

"Err," Harry blushed, "because Ron dared me to because something similar happened at his wedding when the twins dared 'Mione to do the same thing," he said in one breath.

Draco was disgusted, "A dare? How middle school of you, Harry. If Weasley jumped off a bridge, you would too, wouldn't you?"

Harry grinned, "Yes, to save him."

"Humph," Draco pouted.

"But, love," Harry groped blindly in front of him, searching for Draco's body. He touched his stomach and used that as a guide to jerk the blonde into his arms, "I'd do the same for you and more."

And so, when Hermione finally found the two men, she was quite satisfied to see that they'd not only made up, but were in fact making out. And Harry's eyes were still squeezed shut.

&#&

"Where's Harry? It's only two hours until the wedding march! I haven't even _seen_ his hair all day! Merlin me, but we'll never get anything done!" Mrs. Weasley wailed as she rushed past Draco's dressing room.

Draco peered through the crack in the door and watched her retreating form. He shut the door silently and turned to his fiancé, who was lying blearily on the couch, shirt still wide-open and sleeping mask firmly in place.

"Is she gone?" he asked, lifting his head slowly.

"Yes, for the moment," Draco murmured, walking over and shoving Harry's legs to the side so he could sit down. "You've been hiding in here for three hours. When are you going to be a man and face old Mum Weasley?"

"When you're man enough to let Hermione back in to finish tailoring your outfit," Harry retorted.

"Hey, that woman and needles is a dangerous combination! Give her a pin, say goodbye to Draco Junior!" Draco looked terrified.

So did Harry, "Good God, no! Not Draco Junior! We've become so close over the years! We're like brothers! Wait, eww, no…"

Draco laughed, "You, Leo, are slightly drunk from that champagne we nicked."

Harry grinned, "Yes, yes I am."

"How could you?" Draco cried, slightly drunk himself, "Drunk on our wedding day! You're going to be a lousy husband, you bastard!"

"And you're going to be such a pretty little wife!" Harry giggled.

Draco saw red, "Wife? WIFE? I may be the shorter, more feminine one. I may be the bottom. I may secretly think you're a big, strong man who'll protect me at all costs, but I am not the wi- well, okay, maybe I am, but _you_ can't call me that!"

"Why not?" Harry, in his drunken haze, continued to foolish taunt the frazzled wizard, "I'm going to be your husband. If I can't, who can?"

"NO ONE!" Draco bellowed and threw himself at Harry.

Harry scurried away from him and felt quickly for the doorknob. He found it, but not before Draco grabbed him and again ripped the sleeping mask from his face. Harry slapped his hand over his eyes, wrenched the door open, and flew from the room, away from his murderous fiancé. Draco tore after him, "Get back here, Potter! I'm not finished with you, yet!"

Hermione, who was just stepping out of her own dressing room, jumped back so as not to be run over by the two men sailing past her. She squinted at their quickly disappearing backs and sighed, "Those two are perfect for each other."

She heard a thump and saw that Harry had run straight into a wall. She rolled her eyes. "You idiot!" Draco was screaming as Harry scrambled to stand back up and cover his eyes at the same time, "Just look at me already!"

"Noooo!" Harry wailed as he again took off down the hall, "I can't see you before the wedding…" And their voices and footsteps faded away.

"Oh yes," Hermione muttered to herself as she rubbed her temples, "_Perfect_ for each other."

&#&

"There now. Isn't that so much better?" Mrs. Weasley patted the now-sober Harry's shoulder.

"Umm, Mum, you didn't _do_ anything. It looks, well, the same."

"Ronald Weasley! How can you say that? Your mother did an excellent job! See that piece there? It's much straighter now."

"Geez, Dad, you give the woman _way_ too much credit. Ronnekins was right. It _does_ look exactly the same."

"Fred! That's not true! Harry looks totally different! A lot more pained than usual, to be sure."

"George!" Mrs. Weasley swatted the twin's arm, "that's enough of that. We have no time for your jokes. The ceremony starts in half an hour! Out with you all! Except you, Harry," she grabbed the brunette's hastily departing arm.

Harry turned and smiled at her sheepishly, "Thanks for trying, Mrs. Weasley," he motioned to his hair.

"It was a pleasure, my dear. But now, listen to me. First, you mustn't be angry with me."

"Why would I be angry with you, Mrs. Weasley? You've practically arranged this whole wedding on your own!" Harry chuckled.

"Well," Mrs. Weasley wrung her hands, "I did a rather foolish thing, Harry. In the joy of the moment, mind you."

Harry looked at her cautiously, "What did you do, Mrs. Weasley?"

"I, umm," she gulped and suddenly blurted, "I invited the Dursleys!"

Harry blinked and then started to laugh, "Oh, is that all? No worries, Mrs. Weasley. They wouldn't come within a hundred feet of me unless they were given a million dollars!"

"All right," Mrs. Weasley still looked doubtful.

"It is all right," Harry smiled and bent to kiss her cheek, "Thank you for _everything_…Mum."

"Oh, Harry!" and she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. She pulled away and wagged her finger at him, "Oh you! Trying to distract me! Off with you, now. Go finish getting ready!" And she shoved him to the door.

Laughing, Harry exited the dressing room and started down the hall. "BOY!" a gruff, very familiar voice yelled.

Harry stopped short and shut his eyes, "Oh no. Oh, please no…" he prayed. He slowly turned around, only to come face to face with three people he'd never wanted to see again.

"Hello, Harry," his aunt, Petunia Dursley, said primly, her mouth set in a thin line.

Harry couldn't help himself, "What on earth are you doing here? You hate me and I hate you! It was a lovely arrangement we had for a while there. You know, not seeing each other for four years."

"We got an invitation in the mail," Vernon Dursley said gruffly, "and it said there was a wedding. So we decided to come."

"What, for the free food?" Harry sneered.

"You watch that tongue of yours, boy! It's going to cost you someday!" Uncle Vernon roared.

"It already has," Harry agreed sadly, "every time I open my mouth and tell him he can buy something…"

"Him?" Aunt Petunia questioned in her usual clipped tone.

"Yes, h-"

"Anyway, boy," Uncle Vernon interrupted mercilessly, "we're not here because we want to be."

"Then why come at all?" Harry asked flippantly, starting to lose interest.

"We're here about your marriage," Uncle Vernon growled.

"Isn't everyone?" Harry asked carelessly, looking wistfully away, "I'm pretty sure that's why all these people are here, anyway."

"Why, you little…"

"Vernon!" Aunt Petunia laid a hand on Uncle Vernon's arm, "Just tell the boy why we're here, please."

"Ahh, yes, I'd forgotten in the blind rage that comes over me every time I see him, dear," he replied sheepishly.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Oy."

"Quiet you," Uncle Vernon barked, "There's a family that just moved in next door to us. Nice people. But they also have an unfortunate…problem, as do we," he glared at Harry, leaving no question as to what the problem was.

"Poor them," Harry muttered.

"Their daughter, Matilda, is having trouble finding someone willing to…_commit_ to her," Aunt Petunia continued, "So we offered you. They're going to pay us one thousand pounds a year."

"For…_what_?" Harry was starting to feel very nervous.

"For her dowry," Aunt Petunia snapped, quickly becoming annoyed. Harry gulped. Did they mean…

"You have to marry the bitch!" Dudley Dursley, who'd been hiding behind his parents, popped up and cackled merrily.

"I…what?"

"You have to marry her, boy. We even decided we'll give you ten of the pounds every year to live on," Uncle Vernon said grudgingly.

"I can't marry her! I'm marrying Draco! And even if I wasn't, I wouldn't marry someone you picked out for me just so you can get some extra money!" Harry was furious.

"You can and _will_ marry her, Potter! And what kind of girl's name is Draco, anyway?"

"And who'd want to marry you of their own free will?" Dudley mocked.

"Look, I can't deal with this right now. I want you to leave, but if you must stay, and only if you _must_, try not to cause any trouble, all right? Or else, I'll turn you all into frogs. I have to go now, because my wedding starts in fifteen minutes," Harry started to walk away, "oh, and Draco is a man's name."

He smirked as he heard a sharp intake of breath, a thump, and a "POTTER!"

&#&

"So, Harry," Ron asked companionably as they tied their ties side by side in front of the mirror in Harry's dressing room, "What happened with the Dursleys?"

"Oh, they were just trying to get me to marry some chick," Harry replied flippantly.

"Really? Well, how'd you stop them?"

"By telling them Draco's a dude," Harry shrugged.

Ron laughed, "Yea, that'd about do it."

"Hey, Ron? Is it normal to become increasingly nervous and suicidal minutes before your wedding?" Harry gulped.

Ron frowned, "Well, most men usually get really nervous. But suicidal? That's probably just because of who you're marrying."

Harry considered that for a moment, "Yea, you're probably right."

Ron grinned and started to say something when the door suddenly banged open. Harry immediately slapped a hand over his eyes, "Draco?" he asked, annoyed.

"N-no," a choked-up voice answered.

Harry's eyes flew open, "Ginny?"

The redhead darted into the room, "Harry! I have to talk to you!" she said urgently.

"What about?" Harry asked, pretty much already knowing the answer.

"About us."

"Ginny," Harry said softly, "there _isn't_ any 'us'."

"But there could be!" she wailed.

"No, there couldn't be," Harry stated firmly, "C'mon, Gin. What happened to the dating-dynamo I remember from school? And plus, you have Colin, right?"

"I'm only with Colin because he loves you as much as I do."

"I could have gone my whole life without knowing that," Ron muttered.

Harry smiled in spite of himself, "Look, Ginny, there was a reason why I broke up with you when I did. It wasn't just because of the upcoming war, but because I loved you more as a sister than anything else."

"I don't believe you," Ginny muttered, "You could have me and yet you want _him_," she wrinkled her nose.

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair (negating all of Mrs. Weasley's hard work in one fell swoop), "Yes, I _love_ him, Gin, more than anything. Sometimes he's the only reason I get up in the morning and he's _always_ the reason I go to bed at night. You guys are the closest thing I've ever had to a family; heck, you _are_ my family. But it's time for me to start my own, as well. And Draco is the only person I could ever imagine doing that with."

"Maybe this is all partly my fault," Ginny rubbed at her eyes, "I never should have let you go in sixth year, or we'd still be together now."

"But, Gin, if I thought the kiss with Cho was disgusting…"

"Go marry Draco, Harry. I'll eventually find a way to make you mine," and she strode determinedly from the room.

"Wow," Ron looked shocked, "Is she on drugs or something?"

"I don't know," Harry shook his head sadly, "but that certainly isn't the girl I remember."

"Harry!" Fred burst in, "Are you ready?"

Harry looked at himself once in the mirror and turned to smile at the redhead, "As ready as I'll ever be."

"No urges to jump out a window or turn your wand on yourself?" Fred asked seriously.

Harry chuckled, "Nope. Well, not right now, at least."

"Then come on, you two! The bloody thing's starting in like five minutes!" and Fred started to hurry out.

"Hey, Fred?" Harry grabbed his arm, "Draco isn't lurking around anywhere out there, is he?"

Fred grinned, "Nah. Hermione's still using him as a human pincushion in his dressing room."

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, I really am ready now," he opened his eyes and strode confidently from the room, Ron and Fred in his wake.

He was going to get married.

&#&

"Ow, damnit!" Draco growled, glaring at the woman on her knees in front of him.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "If you'd just stand still and stop twitching…"

"Excuse me, but Malfoys do not _twitch_," Draco sniffed.

Hermione sat back on her heels (no small feat in a floor length dress) and looked curiously up at the blonde, "What's wrong, Draco? You're being more hypocritical and upper crust than usual."

Draco raised a delicate brow, "Nothing is 'wrong' as you so bluntly put it, Granger."

Hermione looked hurt for about two seconds until she broke into a wide grin, "I know what's wrong with you," she said sweetly.

Draco looked down his nose at her, "Oh?"

She smirked, "You're nervous."

Draco was shocked, "Who? _Me_? Nervous? Pfft. Malfoys don't get nervous."

Hermione chuckled, "Malfoys don't marry Potters, either."

Draco's face went blank and Hermione laughed, "Don't know what to reply to that, eh, big-shot?"

Draco sighed, "_Fine_. I'm nervous."

"I thought so," Hermione shot him a triumphant grin.

"I don't know why, though," Draco started to pace, "I mean, I love Harry with all my heart, right? So why do I feel like I'm going to heave?"

"Because it's the reaction _everyone_ has right before their wedding. When it was time for me to walk down the aisle, I tried to walk out the door to the street instead of into the church. But, luckily, Harry was there and he stopped me."

"Harry wouldn't stop me," Draco muttered forlornly, "he won't even look at me."

Hermione hid a small smile, "Draco, it's a muggle tradition. The groom isn't supposed to see the bride (Draco snorted) the day of the wedding until the ceremony itself. And you know Harry. When he sets his mind on something, he sticks with it."

"I wish he wouldn't stick so firmly. It's weird not to see his eyes. Especially when he kissed me. I'm used to these really soul-searching looks he gives me afterwards. But all there were was…eyelids."

"Draco!" George barreled in, "the wedding was supposed to start five minutes ago!"

Draco gulped and started to back away, "I can't do this."

Hermione grabbed him and shook him, "Calm down! Yes, you can! You love that man out there! Now go and experience one of the happiest moments of your life!" And with the combined efforts of George and Hermione, they got him out the door.

He was going to get married.

&#&

Harry smiled at Albus Dumbledore as he sidled up next to the elderly headmaster, "Hello, Professor."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "I think that, seeing as it's your wedding day, you can call me Albus now, Harry."

A grin tugged at the corner of Harry's mouth, "Really?"

"Really, my boy, really."

"By the way, thanks for letting us have the wedding at Hogwarts. It looks perfect, si- Albus."

Dumbledore smiled and let his glance sweep over the Great Hall. It did indeed look glorious. The magnificent hall was decked out completely in white and gold: white roses, gold candles, and white and gold hangings. The house tables had been replaced with row upon row of pews, and instead of the High Table, there was a beautiful gold arch full to bursting with white roses, under which Harry and Dumbledore now stood.

Dumbledore had been delighted when they had asked him to officiate the ceremony and have the wedding itself at the school. It was a coming home of sorts for two of the best wizards that Hogwarts had ever seen.

"You ready for this, mate?" Ron, Harry's best man, clapped him on the back.

"He's ready," Fred, George, Neville, Seamus, and Dean, his groomsmen, chorused together.

Harry nodded his head and gulped, trying to keep the butterflies in his stomach under wraps.

Suddenly, the wedding march started. What seemed like the entire wizarding world rose from their seats and turned to look at the back of the Great Hall. Harry's eyes snapped to the door.

First, Draco's groomsmen entered one by one (so, yea, things were a little unconventional for this wedding): Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, Theodore Nott, and Charlie. Then Hermione, his maid of honor (read: UNCONVENTIONAL), floated in looking beautiful in a silk dress of pale lavender.

And then, in walked Draco. Harry's breath caught as he watched the most beautiful man in the room walk towards him slowly, their eyes locked the whole time, and he knew at that moment that the trouble he'd went through not to see Draco that day had been worth it.

Many say brides look their best on their wedding day, and this was no exception in Draco's case (however reluctant a bride he might have been). His pure white, perfectly tailored tuxedo and white loafers accentuated his dark grey eyes and blond hair perfectly. Of course, many would find Harry's black tuxedo to Draco's white one quite ironic and symbolic later on. Yet, as he reached Harry and they clasped hands, gone were the light and dark wizard, replaced by one person.

Smiling at the two men, Dumbledore began, "We are gathered here today to join Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in sacred matrimony. Anyone who objects to this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace," and he made the customary pause, "Now-"

"I OBJECT!" a strong voice declared.

And so, in keeping with tradition, Mrs. Weasley fainted.

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** ain't i a baddie? to stop right there is something only an evil, sadistical, completely and utterly cruel person would do. hi, my name's carrie. heh. so, yea, that was kinda mean, huh? but, hey, life's tough, my friend. lol. but i've got a way to cheer you up! i propose a contest (god help us all…)! for this contest, you need to make sure i have access to your email address (especially if you're not a member) so i can send you your prize (yes, there are actual prizes!). and the contest is this: who (or what…lol) is objecting at the wedding? that's pretty much it. heh. the person (or people…hey, you never know…) who wins will get chapter nine a whole week early! yup. so, if you think you know who it is, review and tell me! and even if you have absolutely no clue, review and guess anyway! you could be right! don't underestimate my insanity, after all. and just to confirm, this is _not_ just my sad attempt to garner 100 reviews (of _course_ not…heh heh).

also, for those of you who do not guess correctly (or who don't even bother entering the pathetic thing), don't be discouraged! though i have absolutely no idea when i'm going to post chapter nine (which is about half done, btw), i _will_ post it eventually! erm, yea. i know i've been rather undependable, but i still swear that i'm committed to this story and will finish it. so, please, your continued support of my pathetic little self would mean so much. i love you all!

and wish me luck tomorrow on my SATs. i'm gonna need it…


	9. Love and Marriage

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N: **i am a horrible human being. about halfway through this chapter, i lost the will to write and started yelling at my characters, "you weirdos! stop yapping and get on with it!"..only, my characters couldn't hear me, so i was trapped for a while. yet, it's finally done (and i _hate_ it), and i just have this to say…while i can't guarantee that there won't be another wait like this, i still want to remind you that this story _will_ be finished, no matter how much i loath it currently. anyways, here's this chapter, for now. oh, and congratulations to _olupotter18_ for winning the contest and guessing the objector correctly!

**IMPORTANT: **_italics _mean a flashback in this chapter

_Previously on Knock First, Damn-it:_

Smiling at the two men, Dumbledore began, "We are gathered here today to join Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in sacred matrimony. Anyone who objects to this union, please speak now or forever hold you peace," and he made the customary pause, "Now-"

"I OBJECT!" a strong voice declared.

And so, in keeping with tradition, Mrs. Weasley fainted.

And now, on with the show… 

_**Chapter 9- **Love and Marriage_

Harry whipped around to see the source of the shout and gasped. It couldn't be…

"It's you," Draco whispered, his eyes bugging out.

"Holy crap," Ron, Fred, and George muttered together.

The tall, silvery apparition at the back of the hall smirked, "Yes, Draco, it is I. I'm so glad you still recognize my face."

"But you're…"

"Ghosts," the other, shorter figure smiled rather insanely, "Isn't it lovely, dear?"

Harry rubbed his eyes harshly, blinked, and refocused on the two transparent figures. Was it really…?

"Yes, Mr. Potter. Your eyes are not deceiving you." Harry blinked again. "Tut, tut, Harry. Is that any way to greet your father-in-law?" the ghost sneered.

For that was who was slowly floating toward the arch: Lucius Malfoy. Trailing behind him was the shorter apparition: his wife, Narcissa. And they were indeed ghosts. Harry moved his mouth dumbly.

"What are you doing here?" Poor Draco looked close to hyperventilation.

"We're here to stop this ridiculous sham of a marriage from happening," Lucius growled.

"I'm just here to see you two, dear," Narcissa added dreamily.

"Ahem." They all turned to stare at Dumbledore as he cleared his throat loudly, "May I continue?"

Lucius sneered at him, "You're still here, old man? I've been waiting for you to join me down there for ages."

"He's not going where you did," Harry spat, suddenly regaining his ability to speak.

"You're right. He's going to be joining me," Narcissa nodded.

Draco looked shocked, "You mean, you're…?"

"Yes, dear, I'm up there," Narcissa replied serenely, glancing towards the Great Hall's enchanted ceiling, and then clicked her tongue, "Do you think so little of me that you'd imagine anything less?"

Draco considered that for a moment and then shrugged in acquiescence, "You were a good mother and a kind woman."

"And I love you with all my heart," she said softly, a tentative smile on her face.

"Y-You…do?" Draco gasped, "But I thought…"

"That I was just fulfilling my duties as a mother? Never, my dear, never."

Draco smiled sappily, "I love you, too, Mum."

"Oh, _please_," Lucius groaned, "Spare us the love-fest, son. Being with Potter has made you soft, boy."

"More like _hard_," Fred hissed slyly.

"Not now, you idiot," George, always the smarter of the two, smacked his twin.

Draco glared at his father and took Harry's hand defiantly, "No, Father, it's only made me stronger."

"It's made him a better friend," Ron piped up.

Hermione joined in the praise, "It's made him a better _person_."

"Yeah, he's nothing like he used to be," Fred agreed.

"A right nice fellow, nowadays," George added.

"Perfect blend of Slytherin and Gryffindor," Blaise continued.

"My son-in-law," Mrs. Weasley (who'd just come to a minute before) said proudly as she stood from her place in the front row.

Draco looked at all those who were standing up for him and felt a strange wetness in his eyes. "Most importantly," Draco's gaze snapped to Harry as he started to speak directly to the blonde's father, "he's the man you _never_ were and _never _will be."

"Well, _obviously_ he'll never be. He's dead," Narcissa pointed out helpfully.

"Thanks, dear," Lucius said tensely.

"You're welcome," Narcissa beamed, clueless as ever.

"Anyway," Lucius continued, looking disgustedly at the people surrounding him, "no matter what any of you say, no son of mine- disgrace or not- will marry a Potter. Especially a male one."

"You know, though, sweetheart," Narcissa cut in happily, "your prejudice against the Potters is completely unfounded. They are an old, noble family- much respected and revered in the wizarding world. Your just sour because before Lily and James' deaths, rest their souls, the Potters were more popular and powerful than the Malfoys."

"They _were_?" Harry and Draco cried together.

When Lucius nodded reluctantly (after an elbow in his side from Narcissa), Harry grinned smugly, "Cool."

Lucius glared at Draco, who was also smiling, and barked, "Why are you so happy, boy? You've just found out that the name you stand for is not so great as you thought."

Draco shrugged, "It doesn't matter to me. It won't be my name much longer."

"You tell him, Dra- _what_?" Harry gasped, staring at his fiancé.

"Is he saying what I think he's saying…?" Ron asked slowly.

"I think…" Fred gulped.

"…he is," George finished.

Dumbledore again cleared his throat loudly. "Draco," he began, "has talked to me about this delicate issue. And during our conversations, he has decided that he is going to change his surname legally to Potter through this union."

Draco looked hesitantly at the shell-shocked Harry. "I...I wanted it to be a surprise," he said quietly, paling at Harry's stony face, "Are you mad?"

Harry's eyes searched Draco's, trying to detect signs of a joke. When he saw only love and sincerity in the blonde's grey depths, he smiled, "How could I be mad when the most beautiful man in the world wants to take my name as his own?"

The congregation let out a collective, "Aw!" and Lucius sneered.

"How can you listen to that lovesick drivel, son? What happened to the boy I raised?" Lucius raised his eyebrows in indignation.

"He became a man," Mr. Weasley said solemnly, "a _good_ man."

"You know, sweetheart, this isn't really such a bad thing," Narcissa said out of the blue, rubbing her husband's tense arm, "the union of the Potter and Malfoy line will create the strongest house the wizarding world has ever seen. And, since they are both men, their children will be unique and strong and will carry on the tradition well." Everyone stared at Narcissa, listening to her profound and eloquent speech, until she broke the mood with, "And also since they're both men, I hear making those children is ten times more enjoyable!"

"MOTHER!" Draco yelped, shocked, "You shouldn't say such things!"

She looked at her son's rapidly reddening face and chuckled, "Don't be so surprised, my dear. My youth was quite interesting and taught me many things."

"Including _that_?" Draco choked, "I just don't bel-"

"Dray, calm down. You're just upset because she's right."

"Are we done talking about my son's SEX LIFE with another MAN, now?" Lucius bellowed, "This wedding will NOT take place and that's final!"

"See now, that's not going to happen," Harry said quietly, "You're going to leave, Mr. Malfoy. And you're never going to bother Draco and I again."

Lucius gave a short, barking laugh, "Now why would I do that?"

"Because if you don't, you'll be sorry," Harry said simply, cracking his knuckles.

"What can _you_ do to _me_? One, you don't have your wand, and two, I'm _dead_," Lucius sneered.

"You're forgetting two things, father," Draco murmured, "One, Harry possesses the strongest wandless magic ability since Merlin, and two-"

"There are fates worse than death," Dumbledore finished solemnly. Lucius gulped.

"We'll just be taking some seats in the back," Narcissa said quickly, grabbing her husband's arm and attempting to pull him back down the aisle.

"Well," Lucius gave what he apparently thought was a grin, "at least I know it's _my_ son doing the buggering in their," he gulped again, "bedroom."

Harry flinched. Ron started to snicker, "Wow, mate, the wizarding world really _has_ got the wrong impression of you."

Draco looked at the stricken face Harry was trying to hide behind an indifferent mask and sighed, "Father, you're wrong."

Lucius stopped letting Narcissa pull him and turned to look at Draco, "What?"

Draco started to blush, "Umm, what you said before…about buggering and the bedroom? That's not _entirely_ true."

"Huh?" Lucius looked confused.

"You see," Draco was bright red by then, "that's a common misconception. About _me_," he gulped, "doing the buggering, I mean."

"What are you trying to say, son?" Lucius looked almost terrified now.

Harry, at that very moment, realized what Draco was about to do. He was going to tell practically the entire wizarding world… "Harry's the one doing the buggering."

Lucius, who was already very pale and translucent, being a ghost and all, almost disappeared with his shock, "You mean…?"

"I'm the bottom. _He's_ the top. You hear that?" Draco whipped around to face the huge congregation, his voice raising, "So leave him alone, why don't you? There's a reason I'm the bride and he's the groom!"

The entire Great Hall suddenly came alive- some saying shocked words and clutching their hearts, and others grinning slyly and elbowing each other, saying they'd known it all along. As for Draco, he was breathing heavily, trying to absorb what he'd just done. Harry simply smiled and wrapped his arms around him.

"This is just an afternoon of revelations, ain't it?" Charlie asked cheekily, finally breaking the mood. Almost the entire Hall laughed, and Dumbledore, for the third time, cleared his throat.

"If we're finally done this rather enlightening conversation, I'd like to continue the ceremony now. Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, please take some seats in the back-"

"No," Draco interrupted, "Sorry, Professor, but I'd like them to sit in the front row with Uncle Sev, where they're _supposed _to sit."

"Oh, son!" Narcissa cried, "I love you so much! If I was corporeal, I'd hug you right now!"

"You know, George?" Fred muttered to his twin as the Malfoys took their seats.

"What, Fred?" George glanced sideways at him.

"We're related to a bunch of freaks."

"And how."

"Gentlemen," Dumbledore scolded them gently, "no matter _how _much I agree with you (the twins grinned), we must move on with the ceremony. Or we will _never_ get out of here."

Harry chuckled, internally agreeing with the elderly headmaster. Dumbledore looked out at the congregation and beamed at all the guests, including the shining Mrs. Weasley and Mrs. Malfoy, the snoring Mr. Weasley (who'd fallen asleep at some point) and the glowering Mr. Malfoy (who hadn't quite gotten over his son's 'subordinate' tendencies), the wedding party (who looked eager to get it over with), and finally at Harry and Draco, who only had eyes for each other.

"May I?" he asked the Great Hall, upper lip twitching in amusement.

"Unfortunately, yes," Lucius muttered.

"Excellent," he looked at Harry and Draco, who were facing each other and had their hands clasped, and smiled, "We are gathered here today to join these two young men in sacred matrimony. If there are any who are against this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace." Everyone glared at Lucius, as if daring him to say something. He just smiled sheepishly.

Dumbledore smiled even more widely, "Now for the vows. I believe the two of you have written something?"

Draco nodded and Harry smirked, "Ladies first."

Draco rolled his eyes, but nevertheless squeezed Harry's hand and smiled, "When we decided we'd write our own vows, I was more than ready to put all my feelings for you down on paper..."

"Course you were," Lucius snorted, but when everyone glared at him again, he blushed silver, "Sorry. Sorry."

Draco laughed and continued, gazing at Harry with shining eyes, "...but then when I actually sat down to do it, I couldn't think of a thing to say. So, I decided I'd just wing it."

"Oh no," Hermione covered her face with her hands.

"Oh yes," Draco grinned, "So, here, Leo, my love, is my attempt-," he cleared his throat theatrically and it was Harry's turn to roll his eyes. "Everyone used to think we hated each other back in our school days here. Heck, you really _did_ hate me. But, I never hated you. That first time we met in Diagon Alley, I was intrigued and attracted by your uniqueness. And then when we met again on the train, well, that meeting wasn't so fabulous and it made me _think_ I hated you. And I proceeded to go through three and a half years here until I realized something: hate and love are both very strong emotions. And I hadn't been feeling the one I thought I was for you all along. I was in love with you. Of course, I kept my mouth shut and treated you just as horrible as always. But then in seventh year, when I finally worked up the courage to defect to the Light side-"

"And I should've joined you or I wouldn't be dead," Lucius muttered regretfully.

"Naw, someone would have eventually killed you anyway," Harry supplied, "Now, hush. Go ahead, love," and he nodded at Draco.

Draco smiled graciously, "Thanks, Leo. When I finally worked up the courage to defect to the Light side, I couldn't believe that Dumbledore was putting me on my first assignment with you. And I remember how scathing you were with your animosity, love. It broke my heart. But since the mission was a 'stake-out', as the muggles say, we had plenty of time to talk. And we eventually did. We got to know one another, and through some amazing miracle, we became friends. Since I was openly a traitor to the Dark, we were free to spend as much time together as we wanted. We were nearly inseparable for most of that year. And then, finally, Muller's Lane. You were ready to sacrifice yourself for the good of the wizarding world, and since- I feel kinda stupid admitting this- I wasn't sure whether you'd be coming back or not, I told you how I felt-"

Harry snorted, "Draco, darling, if you're going to come clean about all of this, at least tell the truth."

Draco turned bright red, "Alright, alright. Actually, I danced around the subject with non-too-subtle questions and you put me out of my misery by kissing me. Then you went off and killed that bastard, and we've been together ever since. And though I never thought it possible then, I have come to love you more everyday. I still, even now, can't quite believe that the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with is _me_. I love everything about you, Harry, and I thank you for loving me back."

The entire Great Hall ahhed (even Lucius, after a poke from Narcissa). Dumbledore patted Draco on the shoulder while Harry quickly swiped a single tear from his eye. "Harry?" Dumbledore prompted.

Harry gulped and gave a half-hearted chuckle, "I don't know what I can say to that. I guess, only that, I, unlike you, love, was a coward and prepared what I was going to say. It's short. It's sweet. And," he, too, cleared his throat, "here it is. Draco, I love you. Draco, I do. When we're apart, my heart beats only for you-" The twins stifled a laugh, elbowing Ron hard as they remembered their impromptu song about Victor Krum at the Quidditch World Cup. Ron scowled at Harry, who grinned. "-to quote the twins," Harry continued, "There really aren't all that many words to describe how I feel about you and how much you mean to me. I'm thankful everyday that a beautiful man like you has decided to spend your life with a guy like me. Every morning when I wake up and see you're still there lying in my arms, I thank Merlin for my life and your love. I don't know what I'd do without you. For a long time during the war, you really _were_ the only reason I went on most of the time. You're my rock and my shelter. I'll never leave you and I'll always come home to you. And you'll always be there waiting for me. Thank you, Merlin, for sending me Draco Malfoy. Everything that I've been through has been leading up to this moment. And it was all worth it- every minute of it. I love you, Draco, _so_ much. I love you," he finished quietly.

Draco, who was openly bawling by that point, threw his arms around Harry, "Oh, Leo! That's the most incredible thing anyone's ever said to me. I love you, too!"

Dumbledore cleared his throat for the umpteenth time, "Alright, gentlemen, that was lovely. Now it's time for the most important part."

"The alcohol!" Fred and George cried together.

"I'm going to need it after hearing that," Severus Snape muttered to Lucius, who snickered.

After throwing glares in the greasy potion master's direction, Harry and Draco separated themselves except for their hands, which were tightly clasped together, and looked at Dumbledore expectantly. Dumbledore smiled, "Do you, Draco Lucius Malfoy, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband; to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

Draco squeezed Harry's hand, "I do."

Dumbledore turned to Harry, "Harry James Potter…same question."

Harry gulped. This was his last chance to get away from this maniac of a man. Though, he _had_ meant everything he'd said in his vow. He really did love Draco like that. But was it worth the insanity that was _sure _to spawn from this union…? We'll have to see about that.

Ron elbowed him, "Mate, you haven't forgotten what you're supposed to say, right?"

Harry swallowed thickly, "No." Seeing the stricken look on Draco's face, Harry hastened to add, "I haven't forgotten, I mean. I do. I DO, DAMN-IT!"

"I now pronounce you husband and wi- husband. You may kiss."

Draco turned to Harry, "That was random and a little scary. But what was with that long pause, mister? I thought I was supposed to be the nervous, noncommittal one."

Harry shrugged, "Momentary lapse of concentration."

Draco grinned, "So, you gonna kiss me or what?"

And kiss him Harry did. The whole congregation ahhed again. But they didn't stop. Everyone's eyes were fixed on the couple as Harry's hands began to drift lower and lower… "That's enough!" Lucius cried. Harry and Draco broke apart laughing.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Draco?"

"Let's go live happily ever after."

"Let's."

And Harry and Draco ran down the middle aisle of the Great Hall, ready to spend the rest of their lives together.

&#&

"Fancy seeing you here," Harry slurred, leaning over and rubbing the person-sitting-next-to-him's knee.

Ron sighed, "Harry, Draco is on your other side."

Harry blinked, "Sorry, Don," and he turned to his husband and started whispering into his ear.

"Don?" Ron rolled his eyes. The reception had started off lovely enough. He had welcomed everyone, made the official best man toast, listened to Hermione's toast (…unconventional still…), eaten a fabulous dinner, and watched Harry and Draco's first dance as a married couple. It had really been something. They'd stared so intently at each other, and the tender devotion radiating from their eyes had been obvious. Though the song choice had been rather odd in Ron's opinion (Draco had picked out "A Moment Like This" by some American muggle named Kelly Clarkson), everyone had understood the seriousness of the moment. It seemed like things couldn't get more perfect. And that was, of course, when everything started to go downhill…

_"That was lovely, boys," Mrs. Weasley told Harry and Draco as they walked off the dance floor hand-in-hand._

_"Thanks, Mrs. Weasley," Draco said sincerely._

_Harry smiled, "Yeah. Thanks, mum."_

_"Oh, Harry!" and Mrs. Weasley smothered the brunette in another hug. Draco grinned, let go of his husband's hand ("Ahh, husband! What a wonderful word!" he thought happily), and wandered over to where his parents were…floating. His mother was chatting amicably with Minerva McGonagall (he'd been surprised to learn that his mother had been her favorite student at one time), and his father was staring glumly at the slice of roast duck sitting on a plate before him._

_"Can't you taste it if it passes through your mouth?" Draco questioned breezily, remembering a story Harry had told him about his second year._

_"It's not rotted enough," Lucius replied sadly, looking up at Draco. When he saw his son's raised eyebrow, he straightened up abruptly and cleared his throat, "But that's not important! I've been thinking of reasons as to why this marriage should be annulled immediately!"_

_Draco nodded and sat down easily in the chair next to him. He stretched his legs out and glanced sideways at his father, "Go ahead."_

_Lucius looked taken aback, but nevertheless started listing enthusiastically, "One, you're much too young to be getting married…"_

_"I'm twenty-two, father. Besides, Ron and Hermione already have a two and a half year old!"_

_Lucius wrinkled his nose, "Kindly do not compare yourself to the Weasleys, Draco. That family multiplies like rabbits! Anyway, two!" he continued unrelentlessly, "you and Harry are cousins three times removed and that is…"_

_"We're WHAT?" Draco yelped. He'd known that he'd been related to Harry's beloved late godfather but he hadn't known this._

_"That's right!" Lucius said eagerly, "you're married to your cousin!"_

_"Oh, Lucius," Narcissa cut in, "Don't tell the boy such things. It's three times removed, which makes them hardly related at all, and it was so long ago that it doesn't matter now!" and she promptly went back to her discussion with Professor McGonagall._

_Lucius growled and turned back to Draco, "Three…" But Draco's attention was no longer on his father. The door to the Great Hall had just flown open and four people walked in: a big, pudgy man with a large mustache and short neck, a tall, gawky woman with an exceedingly long neck, a young man who was huge with absolutely no neck at all, and a small, frightened looking girl with huge bug-like eyes._

_"Oh no…" Draco moaned._

_"BOY!" Vernon Dursley bellowed, "I'm here with your bride!" The entire Great Hall gasped and looked at Harry. Harry glanced up from Mrs. Weasley and groaned._

_"What now?" he questioned tiredly, rubbing his eyes._

_"Don't take that tone with me, boy!" Vernon growled, "You're to divorce that…**thing **this instant and marry Matilda immediately after!"_

_"What did you call my son?" Lucius stood up slowly, glaring daggers at Vernon._

_Petunia gasped, "What is…that?" Dudley huddled behind her and the fourth person- Matilda apparently- huddled behind him._

_Lucius drew himself up proudly, "I, madam, am Lucius Draconis Malfoy the Second. And who are you?"_

_"Dad," Draco said slowly, "she didn't mean your name."_

_"Oh?" he looked down his nose at Petunia, "well, then, to answer your question, I'm a ghost."_

_"As am I!" Narcissa popped up (un)helpfully._

_"And as I asked you before, sir, **what did you call my son**?" Lucius snarled._

_Vernon gulped, "It's abnormal, that's what it is. No two men should get married. It's unnatural. Not to mention disgusting."_

_Harry's fists clenched and he started towards Uncle Vernon, but stopped when he passed through the silvery arm held up in front of him. He looked at Lucius, who smiled grimly, "No, Potter. This one's mine." And he started to role up his sleeves._

_"Umm, dearest?" Narcissa, the voice of reason, spoke up, "What can you do to him? You're a ghost."_

_Lucius grinned maliciously, "I can do plenty," and he glided over to the now petrified muggles. "I thought the same as you when I first saw the two of them together. I thought it was disgusting and unnatural. But then I **really** saw them. They're more in love with each other than any couple in this room. That nephew of yours truly makes my son happy. And that's good enough for me."_

_"Father," Draco breathed, tears shining in his eyes. Harry walked over to him and took his hand. He got a grateful smile in return._

_"Now I want you to leave, sir. And I never want you to bother my son-in-law ever again. For if you harass him, you harass me as well."_

_"B-but," Vernon stuttered, "you can't do anything to me, like the other freak said."_

_Lucius raised an eyebrow, "Oh, really?" and he leaned down and whispered something into Vernon's ear, whose eyes slowly grew wider. He eventually yelped and Lucius stepped back, looking satisfied. Vernon threw a terrified look at his family and quickly bolted from the hall. Petunia, Dudley, and Matilda followed._

_Lucius strolled slowly back over to Harry, Draco, and Narcissa. The Great Hall slowly filed with chatter once more as Lucius arrived in front of his roast duck and started to stare glumly at it again. _

_While Draco and Narcissa just continued to stand (and float) there with their mouths open, Harry walked tentatively over to the table and sat down next to his father-in-law. "Sir?" he asked softly._

_Lucius looked over at him, "Yes, Potter?"_

_"I think I can get Dobby to find you some month old duck if you'd like," he replied slowly, meaning dripping from every word._

_Draco and his mother watched with bated breath as Lucius stared hard at Harry. He eventually started to smile, "I think I'd like that…**Harry**."_

_Tears prickled at Draco's eyes and he rubbed them away quickly. "Men," he muttered softly._

After that, Ron remembered, Harry had found Lucius some rancid goose (there hadn't been any duck) and a humus Ron was sure had still been alive. Then Harry had promptly realized that he'd just made amends with his last mortal enemy (the first one being his new husband and the second the long dead Voldemort) and so he'd went and gotten himself properly knackered. And now he was flirting with everything in sight, including (Ron shuddered), his _straight _best friend.

Ron glanced next to him and realized that Harry was no longer in his seat. He was…dear Merlin, he was in Draco's lap and they were making out lavishly. Ron's stomach rolled, but he steeled himself and prepared to break them up… "Harry! Draco! It's time for you two to leave! Your flight leaves in three hours!" Hermione cried, hurrying up to the pair.

Harry looked up at her and understanding started to cloud his slowly sobering eyes, "Right. All our luggage is ready?"

"Yes, in the entrance hall," Hermione responded breathlessly.

"C'mon, love," Harry got off Draco and hauled the half-drunken blonde to his feet, "we'll walk to the gates so I can apparate us to the airport."

"Airport?" Draco looked panicked, "Are you taking me on a muggle flying machine, Leo?"

Harry grinned, "Yup."

Draco gulped.

_To be continued…_

**A/N: **"What now?" he (Harry) questioned tiredly, rubbing his eyes. - - i think even my poor characters are getting tired of my antics. will they ever have a normal chapter? i doubt it ;-). anyway, chapter nine was like a thorn in my side because to me i'd already used up all the good wedding jokes last chapter, so it's just a lot of drivel and useless dialogue. oh well. hopefully you lot like it (that's why i continue to update, even if it's only once every century). on the subject of updating, please, again, don't hate me. i really will try to update sooner. and i know you have no reason to believe me, but i really _will_ try to never have another wait like the last one again. anyways, you guys keep me going…i love you…and _please_ review!

here's a preview of chapter ten:

_**Chapter Ten- **Hawaii, Speedos, and Draco…Oh My!_

"What was that all about, huh?" Draco complained, "She was practically undressing you with her eyes!"

Harry groaned, "Draco, love, we've been married less then five hours and you're already becoming a nervous, over-protective husband?"

Draco's eyes narrowed, "If some chick threw herself at me, wouldn't you have the same reaction?"

Harry laughed as he handed the tickets to the steward at the final door, "No, I wouldn't. Not with the knowledge that you're as gay as the day you were born."

The steward gave them a funny look and handed Harry back the tickets, "Your plane is the first on the left. Enjoy your flight."

_Will they enjoy the flight? And in what way? (wink)_

_Tune in for the next chapter of Knock First, Damnit, coming soon to a computer near you!_

see ya next time and please review!


	10. Hawaii, Speedos, and Draco Oh My!

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N: **uhh, hey, guys. so this chapter has been a long time coming. but, well, the reason this is _soooooo_ brutally late is because last year senior year hit and well, i didn't have the strength to hit back. i was always busy- mostly for school- cause i was taking four ap classes and had tons of extra curriculars after school. so, i was swamped. but i've always said, if i start a story on here, i'll finish it. but, don't worry. it may take a while between some updates (since I just moved into college yesterday…I'm nervous!), and i apologize for that, but all my stories will be finished. i already have a few new stories in the works- including a sequel to _You Had Me at Hello_ (yay!)- so you haven't quite gotten rid of me yet. on that note,here's chapter 10 of _Knock First, Damn-it!_, and I hope you enjoy!

**_Chapter 10-_** _Hawaii, Speedos, and Draco…Oh My!_

"Look, you, the contents of this single suitcase are probably worth more than you make in a year, okay? And I have ten of them. That's a hell of a lot of years. So you _better_ be careful or so help me I'll-"

"I'm so sorry," Harry apologized to the frazzled baggage clerk. "C'mon, Draco," and he began to drag the blonde, who was still muttering about his hundred pound silk shirts, away. "Be careful. He means it," he mouthed to the clerk, and finally pulled Draco away from the baggage check.

"What are you doing, Leo? I have to protect my belongings! I refuse to leave them alone! They'll miss me! And that pimply, pre-pubescent muggle won't know how to comfort them. They _need_ me…"

"Geez, it's a good thing you don't have a pet," Harry rolled his eyes, "The poor thing would be loved to death. Literally."

Draco snorted, "Well, pardon _me_ for actually caring for the things I own, Mr. Misplaces-his-wand-at-least-once-a-day."

Harry scowled, "I'm just forgetful, all right? I put it down and then I never remember where…"

"Harry," Draco interrupted chidingly, "you're the only wizard alive who can do wandless magic. You could always just do a tracing spell. Besides, you technically don't even _need_ the wand to begin with."

"I just feel safer having it with me, I guess. Anyway, how did we get on this subject again?" Harry looked confused.

Draco scratched his head, "You know, I don't really remember. But that does seem to happen quite a lot in this story, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does," Harry agreed, and they both stood there with speculative looks on their faces for a while.

"Flight 22A to Honolulu now boarding at Gate 2A. First class passengers please report there as soon as possible. Flight leaves in half an hour. Thank you."

"That's us," Harry said, picking up his carry-on bag and starting to walk in the direction of the A gates. He soon realized, however, that Draco wasn't following him, so he stopped and turned around. His husband was staring woefully at his own rather large bag (which was possibly exceeding the size limitations). Harry sighed and went to pick up the blonde's bag, and again started in the direction of their gate.

Draco skipped alongside him, "Thanks, Leo! I would've carried it myself, you know, but the truth is, I have no idea where we're going, so I thought it better that I focus _all_ of my attention and energy on following you."

"Yes, dear, I understand," Harry humored him with no resistance. It was easier that way.

Draco ignored his monotonous tone and cried jovially, "A muggle flying machine! I wonder what it'll be like!"

Harry winced. He'd been slightly worried about taking Draco on an airplane, but it was their only option…sorta. Apparating across oceans was dangerous, especially with two people. And though Hermione had pointed out that he'd probably have no problem apparating them to Hawaii, Harry figured it was better to be safe than sorry. And plus, Draco needed to have experiences like this. So, here he was at an airport, with a wizard who'd been told (by Harry himself) that airplanes were nothing to worry about, ready to board a machine that scared a lot of muggles to death.

They reached the gate and Harry put the bags down. He pulled out the first-class tickets and handed them to the stewardess. She beamed at him, "Welcome to Roundabout Airlines. I hope you enjoy your flight and your stay on one of the most beautiful islands in the world!"

"Thank you very much, miss," Harry flashed her a charming smile and blushing, she handed him back the tickets. Harry once again picked up the baggage and walked through the gate, Draco hot on his heels.

"What was that all about, huh?" Draco complained, "She was practically undressing you with her eyes!"

Harry groaned, "Draco, love, we've been married for less than five hours and you're already becoming a nervous, overprotective husband?"

Draco's eyes narrowed, "If some chick threw herself at me, wouldn't you have the same reaction?"

Harry laughed as he showed the tickets to the steward at the final door, "No, I wouldn't. Not with the knowledge that you're as gay as the day you were born."

The steward gave them a funny look and handed Harry back the tickets, "Your plane is the first one on the left. Enjoy your flight."

Draco walked ahead haughtily, clearly pouting. Harry, muttering a silent prayer, closed his eyes and then hurried to catch up, "Look, Dray, I'm sorry. Please don't be angry. It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and we're going on our honeymoon. Please forgive me."

Draco had reached the base of the stairs to the airplane and the steward standing there. He turned slowly and said, "We need the tickets to board, Harry," and turned back around.

Harry sighed and, juggling the two bags, handed the man the tickets. He smiled, "Go right on ahead. Mary will show you to your seats."

They climbed the stairs and met a pretty blond woman at the top. "Hello, I'm Mary, and I'm one of the first class stewardesses on this flight. Let me show you to your seats. They're the best on the plane." They followed her through coach seating and walked through a black curtain. Draco stopped dead.

"Is this where we'll be sitting?" he asked breathlessly.

Harry smiled, "Yep." Mary showed them their seats and they declined refreshments for the time being. Draco sat immediately and watched Harry struggle to put the bags (mostly Draco's) into the overhead luggage compartment. He plopped down next to his husband after quite a valiant fight and looked at him questionably, "Are you still mad at me now?"

Draco gave him a critical look, "Well, these seats have cheered me up greatly, but…no, I'm still annoyed with you."

Harry was rubbing his neck dejectedly when he suddenly had an idea, "Would it make you feel better if I said that I'd fly into a jealous rage if a _guy_ hit on you?"

Draco considered that for a moment. "Well…it'll do for now," he winked.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed back into his seat as the other first class passengers started to enter and find their seats. Draco settled back happily as well and took Harry's hand that had been lying between them. Harry smiled. It really was going to be all right now.

"Good morning. This is your captain speaking. The skies look clear so this should be an easy flight. We'll be taking off in five minutes so I ask that all carry-on luggage is secure and each passenger has his or her seatbelt fastened correctly."

Harry glanced up to make sure the luggage compartment's door was closed and then he strapped himself in. "Harry," Draco whined, "I can't buckle my seat-thingy. Brooms don't have them, you know."

Harry gave him an indulgent smile and leaned over to secure the blonde in his seat. As he clicked the seatbelt in place, he accidentally brushed over his husband's crotch. Draco squeaked and turned bright red. "Harry!" he whispered urgently, "not here!"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Obviously."

"But now that I think about it, is there anywhere on this contraption to do 'that'?"

Harry laughed, "What, planning on joining the mile-high club, love?"

Draco blinked, "What's a 'mile-high club'?" Harry started to answer when suddenly the engines roared to life. Draco tensed up instantly, "What's _that_?"

"Umm, the engines…"

"But they'll stop soon, right? I mean, we're not going to Hawaii on an 'earthquake mobile', but on an airplane, right? It'll stop once we're in the air, right? We're not gonna die, _right_?" Draco was becoming just slightly hysterical.

"Umm…"

"Harry Potter, you lied to me! You said that this was going to be, and I quote, 'A walk in the park'! Well, this ain't like no walk _I've_ ever been on!"

People were starting to stare. Harry chuckled uneasily, "Draco, love, can we please stop drawing attention to ourselves? Remember, the less the better…"

"I don't care _how_ much attention I'm attracting! This is horrib-" Suddenly, the plane lurched as it hit a pocket of turbulence. Draco screeched.

Harry took a deep breath, "Listen, Dray, it'll be fine, all right? Just calm down and hold my hand, okay?"

Draco's shoulders heaved as he tried to control his breathing and he slowly relaxed back into his seat, "You're right. I'll be fine. I can get used to it. I barely even feel the engines now and…" Draco made the mistake of looking out the window. "BLOODY HELL! How high up _are_ we?"

Harry groaned and decided on honesty, "About six miles by now."

"Holy crap! These things _go_ that high!?" Draco cried.

"Apparently," Harry mumbled.

"We're going to die," Draco said grimly.

By that point, everyone in first class was staring at the two wizards. Some older people were chuckling (remembering their first experiences flying on an airplane) and one woman in particular found it _quite_ amusing. She had her hand over her mouth and her eyes were watering. She also happened to be sitting directly across from them.

And Draco, though still upset, was a Malfoy, after all. He turned towards her slowly, leaned over Harry, and fixed her with a cold look, "Do you mind?"

"Humph," and she turned back towards her husband.

Suddenly, the plane gave a startling lurch. Draco jumped and grabbed onto Harry. The brunette looked down at his husband, who was mumbling incoherently into his shirt as he clutched it, and smiled. He actually loved this side of Draco. He rubbed Draco's back gently and whispered sweet nothings in his ear while the plane continued to shake and shiver. Draco whimpered. Harry sighed.

"This is your captain speaking. Please do not panic, as we've only hit a slight bit of turbulence. We should be fine in a few minutes time."

"A FEW MINUTES?" Draco shouted, "That's like a year in flobberworm, you know!"

Harry chuckled uneasily. "Sweetheart," he muttered warningly into the blonde's ear, "Muggles don't know what flobberworms are, remember."

Draco paled considerably. "Harry," he whispered in a strained voice, "what if I never get to see a flobberworm again? I actually liked them, you know. I used to give them AAAAHHHHH (a rather large tremor had just shaken the plane)…I-I-I used to give them names, you see. I had one named Gary and another named Eric and then there was Cindy and…" Draco's voice was growing steadily higher as he continued to speak.

Harry grasped his shoulders tightly, "Draco, love, look at me. _Look at me_," he commanded. Draco raised his wet eyes to meet Harry's. "Are you really that scared?" Harry questioned softly. Draco nodded his head. Harry sighed, "But, sweetheart, you're a _wizard_," he whispered the last word, "You've done loads of dangerous stuff. This is something normal muggles do all the time."

"B-But," Draco stuttered, "I'm not familiar with it. And it scares me."

Harry couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face. "You've changed so much, you know that? Not only are you willing to admit your feelings now, but you also don't mind crying in front of me. Do you know how much that means to me?" Draco sniffed and nodded his head. Harry brushed a strand of the hair he loved so much out of his husband's eye, "I love you, Draco. And I promise I won't let anything happen to you," he murmured, hugging him tightly. "And," Harry added almost inaudibly next to his ear, "if worst comes to worst, I'll just apparate us straight to Hawaii."

"But," Draco gasped, "isn't that dangerous? Isn't that the very reason we're riding in this death machine?"

Harry's shoulders slumped with guilt, "Well, yes, it is dangerous. For normal wizards. But, not to toot my own horn-"

"You're stronger than Merlin," Draco supplied flatly.

"Well…yeah. So…I could have apparated us there with pretty much no trouble. And even if I still hadn't wanted to risk it," he ploughed on bravely, "we could have taken the Knight Ship out of London and been to Honolulu in about ten minutes. But I wanted our honeymoon to be perfect, so I thought the customary trip to get to our destination was a good idea. At the time," he finished dejectedly.

Draco rubbed his eyes and refused to meet Harry's own green orbs, "You messed up big time, Leo. But," he heaved a large sigh, "I'm not mad at you. I understand why you did what you did. And it makes me love you all the more."

Harry perked up, "You mean you're _not _angry with me? Wow, I bet that's a twist the readers were never expecting."

Draco nodded solemnly. Another sharp vibration overtook the plane and Draco again buried his head in Harry's shirt. Harry patted his head, "Do you want to go wash your face in the bathroom to help calm yourself down?" Draco nodded. "Do you want me to come with you?" Draco nodded again, so Harry got up and walked towards the washroom, the blonde right behind him. He opened the thin door and cocked his head toward it, "After you."

The door slid shut just as Mary, the stewardess, said, "Sirs, there's not enough room for both of…"

"Damn, it's cramped in here," Harry muttered after the door clicked shut behind them. He looked at Draco, whose back was against the wall and legs were straddling the toilet. "Okay, let's get that face washed and get out of here before we die from lack of oxygen." He reached towards the faucet while grabbing a paper towel. He turned the cold tap on and ran the paper towel under it. The problem was, this forced him to pretty much press his entire body against Draco's. Draco shuddered. "Don't worry, love, it'll be fine," he soothed, starting to wipe Draco's face.

"It's not…that," Draco mumbled. All of a sudden, the plane hit another particularly nasty pocket of turbulence and Harry was pitched forward into Draco. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Dray! I'll-"

"Harry," Draco said in a low voice, "I think I know what will make me feel better…"

"Huh? That's great! What is-" Harry gasped as Draco thrust his hips up into Harry's. He was rock hard. "Oh…_oh_! Draco, we can't! Not up here, not in here! People will hear!"

"You're a wizard, Harry. Cast a silencing charm."

"But what if someone needs to use the toilet…?"

"Please," he traced a finer down Harry's chest and looked up at him through hooded eyes, "For me?"

Harry gulped; he seemed to be lost in an inner conflict. Draco stared at him intently, until…"Fine! All right already. You win."

Draco smiled smugly, all traces of his earlier fear and anxiety gone for the moment, "I knew you'd co-" He gasped as Harry grabbed him roughly and crushed their lips together. "Oh, god," Draco groaned, as Harry trailed a hot hand down to the zipper on the blonde's pants. When Harry undid them without pretense and started to push the jeans down, Draco interjected shakily, "What is this? Marathon sex?"

"Yes and no," Harry responded hoarsely, "Yes, because I want to get this done as quickly as possible, so we don't hold anyone up, and no, because for some inexplicable reason, I'm ridiculously turned on all of a sudden."

He pushed Draco's boxers down as the blonde shivered, and nudged him further back against the wall. Harry smiled seductively and picked Draco up, while Draco threw his head back and sighed, "I knew you'd come around."

&#&

"Well, that was enlightening," Draco said smugly as he settled back into his seat with only a slight wince.

Ignoring all the weird looks and knowing glances being thrown their way, Harry sat down as well, "How so?"

"Now we know that limited space is no obstacle," he smirked.

Harry rolled his eyes, "You're unbelievable."

"Don't I know it?" Draco grinned.

"Well," Harry reasoned, "You at least seem to be in a better mood now."

"Yeah, I'm just peachy now that all that turbulence stuff has stopped." And indeed it had: shortly after they'd barricaded themselves (_only_ for half an hour) in the washroom, ironically enough.

"Well, I'm just glad you're happier now. When you're happy, I'm happy." Harry wrinkled his nose in disgust even as he heard the words coming out of his mouth.

"Oh, Leo, I love when you go all sappy on me!" Draco cooed, pinching Harry's cheek. After much bantering and laughing later, they sat snuggled together quietly, beyond caring what the other first class passengers thought of them. Just as Draco was letting out a sigh of contentment…

"This is your captain speaking. It seems a pretty bad storm has sprung up suddenly in front of us, so prepare for a bumpy ride pretty much all the way to our destination. I advise that you fasten your seatbelts."

Harry and Draco looked at each other. Harry slowly started to stand up, and with a glance towards the bathroom door, he smirked and said, "After you."

&#&

"Welcome to Honolulu, Hawaii!" a beautiful girl wearing only a grass skirt and a coconut bra cried jovially as she threw a white lei around Draco's neck.

Draco, the first one off the plane, smiled brightly, "Thank you so much! I'm so happy to be here!" Harry, the second person off, rolled his eyes. After the fight Draco had put up to get off the plane first (mostly throwing elbows and kicking shins), it amazed Harry that Draco could be so honestly joyful. Then again, it _was_ Draco.

The girl looked past Draco and smiled coyly at Harry, "You're so handsome! I'm sure _you'll_ enjoy your stay." She took longer placing the lei around his neck than was necessary.

Harry rubbed his neck, "Thanks…I think."

"Oh, you're British too! I love those accents. That will score you even more points with the women here!" the girl gushed. Draco scowled.

Harry glanced behind him at the other passengers, who were quickly growing impatient, and hastily jumped the last few steps. He looked uneasily at the native girl and began walking towards the glowering Draco. "Hey!" the girl shouted, "want my phone number?"

That was the last straw for Draco, apparently. He marched right up to Harry, grabbed his hand, and glared daggers at the girl, "For your information, Harry here is my husband. _Hus-band_. Which means he's gayer than a tranny at a Cher show. He shoves his dick up my arse every night and sometimes during the day. As a matter of fact, just now on the-"

Harry slapped a hand over the blonde's mouth. Smiling apologetically and starting to drag Draco and their two bags away, he said cheerfully, "True, every last word. And he's loads better looking than you, anyway. Cheers." And they walked away quickly, leaving forty stunned passengers and a fuming greeter in their wake.

"Welcome to Hawaii, indeed," Draco muttered indignantly as he struggled out of Harry's grasp and began to straighten his rumpled clothing.

Harry juggled the bags to get a better grip and followed after his obviously seething husband. "Look, sweetheart, I'm not quite sure what happened back there, but if I did something, I'm sorry…"

Draco stopped short and spun around, "It's not your fault you're bloody gorgeous and charming."

Harry furrowed his brows, "Umm…okay? Then why are you mad?"

Draco scowled, "Because the girls always hit on _you_! What about _me_?"

Harry stared at him for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. Draco scowled harder. Chuckling desperately, Harry choked out, "Why do you care? You're _gay_!"

Draco blinked and shifted uncomfortably, "Well, it's just that…I don't want to date them or anything, obviously, but it would just be nice to be noticed and admired for once, you know?"

Harry's eyes bugged out, "Are you kidding me? Do you know how many times I've had to like, fight a guy to keep him off you?"

"Of course I do! I'm a very desirable man."

Harry choked, "But you just said…"

Draco scoffed, "I know I'm a hot _gay_ guy. But what about the girls? Why won't _they_ hit on me?"

"Well," Harry weighed his words very carefully, "sweetheart, there _may_ be a reason for that. There _may_ be, mind you. You see, love, most women like a very…uhh…_firm_ face. Something very masculine and, umm, manly." Harry was grasping desperately at straws, "And you, Dray, have a softer, _prettier_ face. You're the beautiful to my, ehh, handsome." That was the first time Harry had ever admitted to his own attractiveness.

"Are you saying that the reason girls don't like me is because I _look_ like one?" Draco shouted, looking scandalized.

"No!" Harry cried, "That's…that's not what I meant!"

Draco sneered, "Yes, it was."

Harry's eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights, "Uhh…okay." He sighed in defeat, "You do have a pretty face, and _sometimes_ it seems a little more feminine than masculine. But you do not, I repeat do _not_, look like a girl. You're all man," Harry grabbed him, "and that's just the way I want you." He kissed Draco hard.

A throat cleared behind them and they broke apart guiltily. "Do you mind?" an old woman asked huffily. Draco opened his mouth to respond, but Harry grabbed his arm and steered him away.

They walked in silence a bit, reached the baggage carousel, and waited for their bags with Harry's arm securely around Draco's waist. The peace was broken however when Draco's first suitcase chugged into sight. "Oh, my baby!" Draco cried and threw himself at the bag.

As he watched Draco become reacquainted with his luggage, Harry gave a pained smile. One thing was for sure: this wasn't going to be just any honeymoon.

&#&

The little bell above the door tinkled as Harry and Draco entered the surf shop. They'd been on the island for a day, and so far there'd been no mishaps. They'd checked into their hotel (the ritziest on the island), settled into their gorgeous room (Draco's "Holy hell!" just about covered it), and relaxed around the pool. And today, Harry had been coerced into going shopping, which was why they were now standing in the Ron Jon Surf Shop.

"Wow!" Draco breathed, "Look at all those swimsuits!"

"Yeah," Harry agreed unenthusiastically, "look at all those swimsuits."

Draco looked at Harry and grinned, "Aww, c'mon, Leo. You told me you wouldn't complain if I wanted to go shopping!"

"Who's complaining?" Harry asked innocently.

Draco rolled his eyes and dragged Harry over to a rack of speedos, "Pick a few," he ordered.

Harry blinked, "What now?"

Draco sighed exasperatedly. "Pick a few to try on," he prodded.

Harry looked at the speedos and his eyes grew wide, "SPEEDOS!? ME? ME IN A SPEEDO? HELL NO!"

"Why not?" Draco asked coyly, "it would look _so_ good on you, Leo…"

"B-But…" Harry sputtered, "I-I…"

Draco sighed, "Look, love, I don't understand you. Through the years we were dating, you became much more confident in your body. Your fashion sense has improved _greatly_, thanks in large part to moi, and you've become more adventurous in what you'll wear. Yet, you still hate shopping, and you won't let me dress you! Don't you _appreciate_ the fact that you're husband is the divo of the century?"

"Umm…" Harry looked uncertain.

Draco's eyes roamed the store wildly and lit up when they landed on a sales clerk who'd been eyeing them with amusement. He marched up to the young man and grabbed his arm. "You! Don't you think that bloke over there would look killer in a speedo?" the blonde demanded.

The man's eyes wandered all over Harry's body and he grinned, "Hell yes."

Draco smirked, "You see, Leo? Even the yokels think so."

"Hey!" the man cried indignantly, "Who're you calling a yokel?"

Draco sneered, "Fine, a yuppie then. You're obviously not a native Hawaiian," he said bluntly, eyeing the messy blonde hair, ocean blue eyes, and deeply tanned skin.

The guy shrugged, "So I'm from California. Sue me. What does that have to do with Mr. Hottie over there trying on some speedos?"

"Mr. Hottie?" Harry questioned weakly, looking at the slowly reddening blonde, "Draco…"

"Though," the guy continued, "I'd also really like to see _you_ in some of them as well…_sir_." He smiled sexily at Draco.

"Now wait just one minute!" Harry growled.

"Hush, Leo. Let the man speak," Draco gave the other blonde a winsome smile.

Harry snorted and mumbled under his breath, "Of course, soon as it's you…"

While Draco chatted away happily with the clearly smitten clerk, Harry restrained the impulse to punch the man and instead browsed around the store for a while. He'd selected a few pairs of swim trunks to try on and was just walking over to the dressing rooms when he saw the blonde tug on a piece of Draco's hair. Rubbing his neck distractedly, he decided it was time to break up his husband's little party, "Draco, love, I've chosen a few things I want to try on."

Draco looked over at him, "Well, go on then."

"But," Harry smiled wickedly, "I need you to help me with them."

In two seconds flat, Draco was past Harry with the swim shorts over his arm and heading for the dressing room. Harry sighed contentedly at the wizard's predictability. He started to follow him when he saw the store clerk checking out his husband's ass. Making a detour, he walked right up to the guy, grabbed his chin, and hissed menacingly, "Draco's ass is _mine_. Stay away from him, or so help me, all your innards will turn into your outtards." And he stalked away after _his_ ass.

As soon as he walked into the dressing room, Draco attacked him, "I was wondering how long it'd take you to put that guy in his place, Harry."

"_Huh_? I though you wanted to flirt with him!?"

Draco snorted, "As if. I just wanted my big, strong hubby to protect me from him."

Harry rolled his eyes, "How could anyone have possibly figured that out? It's completely mental. When will I understand you?"

"Never," Draco winked saucily.

"You know what we can do now to annoy that store clerk?" Harry asked as he started to unbutton his shorts.

"What?" Draco asked breathily.

"Make lots of noise," Harry whispered into his ear huskily. Draco grinned.

&#&

Two hours later, Harry and Draco walked into their hotel room still laughing. The look on the kid's face when they'd come back from the dressing room had been priceless. Also, among other news, Draco had "convinced" Harry (mostly with his tongue) to buy one speedo.

Harry collapsed on the couch, happily exhausted, and closed his eyes, while Draco walked into the bedroom to put away their bags. Harry fell into a deep sleep almost instantly, so he missed the small yelp that came suddenly from the other room.

About half an hour later, he woke up abruptly. Stretching like a cat, he went in search of Draco, who was nowhere in sight. "Draco?" he half yawned, half yelled as he entered the bedroom.

"Yes?" an icy voice responded from the floor.

Harry looked down. "Draco!? What are you doing lying down there? You shouldn't have let me fall asleep! We'll miss our dinner reservations!" and when Draco made no response, Harry snapped, "_Well_?"

"I've fallen and I can't get up, you moron," Draco growled.

Harry blinked. Oops.

_To be continued…_

**A/N: **i apologize for any of Draco's comments that might have offended someone. he's an ass, obviously...haha. also, a big thank you to Paranormal Medicine who left an amazing comment a few months ago that sparked me to start writing again! though, all your comments are amazing! next part will be up soon, i _swear_. until then, please review to let me know there are people who still care! and please forgive me for the long delay again…_Knock First, __Damnit_ is back, baby! until next time…that's all folks!

**Preview of **_A Dish Best Served Cold_

"I will tell you because I know you'll understand and help me. But," Draco's eyes started to tear, "it's horrible and degrading and-"

"Utterly boring," an all-too-familiar voice chimed in.

"I agree. Their weepy, fluffy act is really quite tedious."

"I know. If they keep it up much longer, all their readers will abandon them!"

"And we all know how troublesome _that_ would be, because _then_ what would we do with them?"

"I shudder to even think of it."

"Really, you two, you've gotta pull yourselves together!"

"Get your acts in gear!"

Harry and Draco just stared at the men before them. Finally, Harry managed to burst out with, "What are _you_ two doing here?"

_Chapter 11 Coming Soon to a Computer Screen Near You!_


	11. A Dish Best Served Cold

**Knock First, Damn-It!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my _preciousssss_ (LOTR rocks!).

**A/N: **hey, everybody! college is weird. ((rubs eyes confusedly)) all my classes were like…"grr." i was so terrified i was gonna fail everything (but i didn't! woo-hoo!). and it's also sad that it seems everyone abandoned this story. of course, that's my fault because it takes me so long to update. ((sigh)) i'm hopeless. oh, well. i hurried to finish this once my semester ended, and i did. this is a late christmas present to everyone who reads and reviews my stories! thanks! belated merry christmas and i hope you like it!

_Previously on __**Knock First, Damn-it!**_

"Draco?" he half yawned, half yelled as he entered the bedroom.

"Yes?" an icy voice responded from the floor.

Harry looked down. "Draco!? What are you doing lying down there? You shouldn't have let me fall asleep! We'll miss our dinner reservations!" and when Draco made no response, Harry snapped, "_Well_?"

"I've fallen and I can't get up, you moron," Draco growled.

Harry blinked. Oops.

_And now, on with the show…_

_**Chapter 11- **__A Dish Best Served Cold_

"Ow…ow…ow…ow…o-Goddamnit, that fucking_ hurts_!" Draco bellowed.

Harry sighed and looked at the glowering blonde, whose leg was propped up on the couch with a pillow with an ice pack lying dejectedly on his ankle. Apparently, Draco had fallen after putting the clothes away. He still hadn't told Harry how. And he'd also apparently called Harry's name many times, but since Harry had been asleep (and there's no waking him up once he's out), he hadn't heard. So, now Draco was throwing a temper tantrum.

"Look," Harry rubbed his eyes, "let me bring you down to the hotel clinic and they'll help you, okay?"

"No!" Draco screeched, "Why can't you just heal it? You fixed my finger in chapter six!"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Don't be such a baby. Anyway, that was your _finger._ This is your _ankle_. That's a big difference and I don't trust myself to not hurt you further."

"I trust you!" Draco wailed, "Please, _anything_ but the doctor."

Harry debated asking Draco about his fear of hospitals and doctors, but seeing the hysterical state his husband was in, he decided to leave that discussion for another day. Instead, he leaned down and snaked his arms under the blonde, picking him up in one smooth motion. Draco shrieked.

He beat his fists against Harry's chest, "Let me go, you big mean brute!"

Harry shrugged and started to put Draco down, but when the blonde put weight on his ankle, he yelped and cried, "Pick me up! Pick me up!"

"Make up your bloody mind," Harry grumbled as he again lifted Draco into the air.

Draco smiled beatifically and linked his arms loosely around Harry's neck, "Fine. Take me to your cruel muggle medical practitioner. But if he tries to poke me with any needles, I swear, I'll scream."

Harry raised his eyes heavenward and carried Draco across the room. "Could you get the door, love?" he asked in a pained voice, "I can't seem to juggle you to do so."

"Are you suggesting I weigh too much?" Draco asked sweetly as he turned the knob.

Harry grimaced, "Would I ever imply that?"

"Would I ask if you weren't?" Draco retorted in a wounded voice.

Harry ignored him and walked out the door and down the hall, carrying the sulking blonde. As they reached the elevator, Harry realized that his overdramatic husband was not going to push the button for him, so with a roll of his neck, he shifted Draco around and swung the man over his shoulder. Draco yelped, "What are you _doing_?"

Harry shrugged, "Catching the lift?" and he pushed the down arrow. A bell chimed and the white doors slid open. Harry grinned sardonically, "Caught it."

"You're weird," Draco muttered into Harry's back. Harry just chuckled and rearranged his lover so he was again cradled in his arms.

"And here," the brunette replied cheerfully as he stepped out of the elevator, "we are." He marched over to a black door in a hallway off of the hotel lobby. When they got closer, Draco saw that the door had 'CLINIC' written across it in small white letters. He started to panic.

"I really don't think I need to see any doctors," he insisted nervously as they grew ever closer to the feared destination, "I'll be fine, really. I-"

"Draco," Harry stopped moving, much to Draco's delight, "I'm taking you to someone who can help you. I don't want a silly sprained ankle to wreck our honeymoon. I've been looking forward to this trip for months."

Draco, who was much less delighted by those words, sighed wearily, "I understand, all right? I was counting down towards it, too. And here we are, two days in, and I've already gone and messed everything up…"

"Oh, love, it wasn't your fau-"

"Let me finish," Draco put a finger to Harry's lips, "But I just can't see a doctor. I can't," he added in a whisper.

Harry looked into the pleading silver eyes and felt his resolve starting to break. But _only_ starting. "Why?" he asked quietly, "why are you so afraid to go see a doctor? In all the years I've known you I've never seen you go to a muggle doctor, much less a medi-witch or wizard. Why is that?"

Draco suddenly found his hands very interesting, "I won't tell you that."

"What happened to that 'no secrets' thing we talked about at the Burrow so long ago?"

Draco blinked, "I don't remember that."

"Chapter two, love," Harry supplied gently.

Recognition dawned in the grey eyes and Draco hung his head, "But I just _really_ can't tell you this time."

Harry placed Draco on a couch in the lobby and knelt in front of him, taking both his hands, "If you really don't want to tell me, you don't have to. But," he continued solemnly, "I really wish I knew, so I could help you."

Draco raised his head slowly and looked at Harry. When he saw only love and sincerity shining in the brunette's eyes, his own resolve imploded. "Oh, Leo!" he cried, flinging himself into Harry's arms and succeeding in knocking them both to the floor. "Oops, sorry," he smiled sheepishly as he arranged himself comfortably on top of Harry, whose back was flat on the parquet tiles. "I _will_ tell you because I know you'll understand and help me. But," his eyes started to tear, "it's horrible and degrading and-"

"Utterly boring," an all-too-familiar voice chimed in.

"I agree. Their weepy, fluffy couple act is really quite tedious."

"I know. If they kept it up much longer, all their readers will abandon them!"

"And we all know how troublesome that would be, because _then_ what would become of them?"

"I shudder to even think of it."

"Really, you two, you've gotta pull yourselves together!"

"Get your acts in gear!"

Harry and Draco just stared at the men before them. Finally, Harry managed to burst out with, "What are _you_ two doing here?"

Fred and George smiled and said together, "To make your lives a living hell."

Draco snorted, "That was already a given as soon as you got here."

"We see that your husband is as lovely and polite as ever," Fred told Harry pleasantly.

"Actually, Ron sent us," George admitted solemnly.

"And why in Merlin's name did he do that?" Draco barked.

"To make sure you didn't kill each other!" they cried.

"Because that would really be quite a loss," Fred murmured gravely.

"Indeed. How would the Wizarding world go on?" George continued.

"How would _Mum_ go on?" Fred added.

George's eyes widened, "By spending more time badgering…_us_!" And the pair proceeded to shudder, stricken looks on their faces.

"That's enough!" Harry broke in, "I don't know what Ron's problem is, but you have _no_ right to barge in here like this and-"

"Oh, get off your high horse, Harry," George scoffed, "if we hadn't showed up when we did, you two would have ended up having a sappy, heartfelt confession session."

"And what's wrong with that?" Draco questioned darkly.

Fred's smirk was an almost perfect imitation of Draco's, "The comedy in this piece is almost completely gone. We were saving you from yourselves."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't you roll your eyes at us, Potter!" George scolded, "The author's always planned on having someone show up on your honeymoon. It was either us or Draco's parents."

Harry considered that for a moment and eventually shrugged his shoulders, "All right, I guess you two are better than Lucius, who'd flip out every time I even breathed near Draco."

"Speaking of Draco," an annoyed voice broke in, "what about my ankle?"

Harry glanced over at his husband with an apologetic look on his face, "Sorry, love, I just got sidetracked."

"You see, Draco," Fred said seriously, a solemn glint in his eye, "my brother and I are just-"

"that much more interesting than you," George picked up, "that as soon as we arrive-"

"-Harry forgets you all together," Fred finished.

Draco growled, "Get out of Hawaii and away from Harry and I's honeymoon!"

"We'd love to, honestly…" George began.

"…but I think you'll find yourself begging us to stay in the end," Fred ended enticingly.

Draco snorted, "Oh, and why is that?"

"Because we know something you don't know," they chorused together.

"Is that so?" Harry asked, amused.

"Oh, yes," said Fred.

"Because we know-," said George.

"-that I know-" said Fred.

"-that I can-" continued George.

"-fix that ankle of yours," Fred smirked again.

Draco's mouth dropped open, "You _can_!?"

"Why, Mr. Malfoy, you wound me," George threw a hand over his heart dramatically, "Why do you doubt my healing prowess?"

"Because it's _you_," Draco retorted, "and the name's not Malfoy- it's Potter." And the blonde suddenly started to blush.

"Oh, that's right, George. Drakie here changed his last name to match Harry's," Fred cooed.

"That's so darn cute!" George agreed, reaching out his fingers to pinch Draco's cheek and… Draco bit him. "Bloody hell! What in the blazes was that for!?" George cried, cradling his abused digits.

"Why?" Draco sneered, a cold look in his eye, "_Why_? Because you're both annoying, my ankle hurts, _no one_ pinches my cheek, and I wish you weren't here and none of this had happened because I'm horny, damn-it."

"You're _horny_?" Fred asked incredulously.

"I pity you, mate," George glanced at Harry sympathetically, "because you have to put up with a man who's thinking about his libido at a time like this."

"And how," Fred agreed.

"Now, do you want me to heal you or not, you freak?" George asked Draco bluntly.

Draco scowled, "Best get on with it then. But, _so help me_, if you do _anything_ but heal my ankle, I- Harry'll kill you."

"Will he now?" George grinned.

Harry shrugged, "Apparently."

"That's the spirit, mate," Fred slapped him on his shoulder, "Now then- George?"

George nodded, "All right, Draco, don't move. And here we go." He pulled his wand from his pocket and-

"We can't do this here," Draco hissed, "we're in the middle of a muggle hotel lobby!"

The other three looked at each other. "He's got a point," Fred admitted.

Harry beamed at him, "That he does," and he again picked Draco up and walked towards the elevators. "Follow us to our room," Harry instructed the two redheads, who saluted him.

"Gladly, dear honorary brother. Just as long as we don't come across any-"

"-_d__elicate_ belongings-"

"-or risqué items-"

"-we know you, Harry-"

"-you're an _animal_."

Harry shook his head and entered the elevator, "Shut up and get in here."

A few minutes later, Harry passed off a protesting Draco to Fred so he could search for the room key in his pockets. "Stupid muggle locks," he muttered to himself as he finally found the thin card.

"Hurry up, Harry!" Draco said suddenly, "This twin's giving me a scary look."

Harry turned and glared at Fred, who shrugged carelessly, "If smiling's a 'scary look', I'm guilty as charged."

Harry groaned and quickly opened the door to his and Draco's room. "Put him over there," he motioned vaguely to the living room area. He, himself, went straight through to the kitchen, where he set about making himself a very large gin and tonic.

Fred strolled up next to him, "Never took you to be a drinking man, Harry."

"I wasn't one," Harry replied absently, "until very recently." Fred grinned.

"Harry," a scared voice cried, "George is trying to poke me with his wand!"

Fred chuckled, "And here I thought Harry was the only one allowed to do that to you."

"WEASLEY!!"

Harry grimaced, "You shouldn't have said that."

"Oh," Harry heard Draco's surprised voice with a frown, "Harry!"

Harry finally gave in and left the relative safety of the kitchen, only to find Draco standing, on his own two legs, in front of him. "It's a little stiff," the blonde said carefully, seemingly in a state of shock, "but he healed it with no problem."

"Your apparent surprise wounds me, Mr. Potter," George sniffed and hid his face in Fred's shoulder. Harry rolled his eyes, and looked at the younger twin, who peeked out at him and winked.

"Where'd you learn to heal?" Harry asked him.

George merely shrugged, "It's a gift."

"George had once entertained the idea of becoming a medi-wizard-" Fred began.

"-but when we quit school in seventh year, that thought went out the door, quite

literally-" George continued wistfully.

"And now he only wants to be a joke-shop owner with me!" Fred finished triumphantly.

Draco snorted, "You really need to get yourself a girl, mate."

"Or," Harry grinned knowingly, "you've already found one and have proved incapable of wooing said strumpet."

Draco smiled dreamily, "Johnny Depp is so gorgeous."

"You two are weird," Fred and George stated together matter-of-factly.

"Yes, we are," Harry agreed, as he turned to his husband, "Ready to test out that ankle, Dray? There's so much to do here!"

"Definitely," Draco smiled and took Harry's outstretched hand. As they walked towards the door, he turned and said, "Thanks, again, George!"

George smirked, "No problem, mate. But I'm sure you've realized there's a condition to my helping you…"

Harry and Draco stopped dead in their tracks. Oh no…

"George and I have decided to join you for a while."

Oh, hell.

&#&

Harry woke up feeling very warm and comfortable. He stretched slightly and realized he still had an armful of blonde. Looking down at his husband, he smiled lightly. He loved Draco so much. And they had two weeks to enjoy each other and spend time together. Harry sighed happily: things couldn't get any more perfect. They were in no rush and it was still very early, so he closed his eyes and decided to get some more sleep…

The door slammed open and two people barreled in. "Good morning, campers! Time to wake up!" one cried.

"And time to have us some fun, fun, fun!" the other added jovially.

Harry's feeling of elation went bye-bye: he'd forgotten about Fred and George. How could he _forget_ about Fred and George? He cracked open one eye wearily and promptly closed it again. "Your hair's too bright," he moaned, "Go away."

"No can do, little bro," Fred chirped happily.

"It's time to take on the world!" George agreed cheerfully. He came over and sat on Draco. And then he started to bounce up and down.

"You're going to hurt him," Harry pointed out weakly.

George scoffed, "No, I'm not. Draco dear is made of tougher stuff than that. But it's time to WAKE UP!"

Everything that happened next happened very fast. There was a great upheaval of blankets and George went flying from the bed. Draco leapt after him, his hair and eyes wild. George took one look at the blonde and was out the door like a shot. Draco growled and ran after him. Harry and Fred glanced at each other and, steeling themselves, followed after slowly.

What they found was Draco and George staring each other down from opposite sides of the couch in the living room. When one went one way, the other did as well. Finally, Draco bluffed left and launched himself over the couch, tackling George to the ground.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck distractedly as he walked over to the struggling bodies, and reached an arm down. He yanked Draco up and held the struggling man to his chest. "Lemme go, Harry! Lemme at him!" Draco flailed his arms uselessly.

"Calm down, love" Harry murmured in his ear quietly.

"No!" Draco squirmed harder, "No one bounces on me!"

"Except Harry, right?" George smirked.

"GEORGE!" the other three yelled in unison.

George actually flushed, "Sorry."

That had finally broken the mood and Draco's fighting spirit. Harry let him go carefully and then plopped down on the couch with a sigh. "Can't you two just go home?" he begged wearily.

Fred and George glanced at each other thoughtfully and then promptly chorused, "Nope."

"Dear Harry," Fred added sincerely, "just think of this as payback for all the times you two have made out in front of us."

George grinned.

Harry and Draco's faces paled.

&#&

Harry woke up the next day feeling very cold and alone. He sat up suddenly and his eyes snapped to the clock. It was almost two in the afternoon. "What!?" he cried, leaping up.

As he hurried through the hotel room, the twins (who were sleeping in the living room), and more importantly, Draco, were nowhere to be seen. He stopped in the kitchen and ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "Where would they take him?" he muttered to himself.

Because there was no doubt in his mind that Fred and George had kidnapped his husband.

_To be continued…_

**A/N:** whew. that was tough one. i know fred and george showing up was random, but sometimes, i feel my characters get too fluffy for their own good, so i save them from themselves with…the twins!! woo-hoo! but, is it just me or is this story rather silly and irrelevant? i mean, that's obviously the point (this story _is_ crack, but slightly more serious crack, i guess). i want to write a serious story with a set plot and issues that i don't just come up with willy-nilly…or i think i do. haha. anyway, i hope you liked it and now that i'm settled in at college, i think my updating may get a little more regular (i hope…). please review! a belated happy holidays and a happy new year!!!

_Preview of__** Chapter 12- A Tanning Lamp is Not a Weapon**_

So, okay. If he were the twins, with a frazzled, bitchy blonde in tow, which Hawaiian hotspot would he take him to? Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly. Thinking like Fred and George made his brain hurt. But he had to figure out where his honorary brothers and husband were, before he had a double homicide on his hands.

He walked quickly up one of the main streets in Honolulu (he could barely sound out the name in his head, so he didn't even attempt to pronounce it out loud), looking in each store window, hoping to see familiar red and blonde heads. He was at the end of the street, and just about ready to give up and go back to the police with his tail between his legs when he heard a voice shouting, "Back, you cannibals, back!" from a tanning salon on the other side of the street.

He groaned and jogged across the pavement, hoping to Merlin he had heard that familiar voice wrong.

_Plus, a sneak peek at my newest story, **Winsome Worries**, the long-anticipated SEQUEL to **You Had Me at Hello**_:

Harry sighed, "Look, I understand why you're worried about tonight, Draco. I mean, Ron _fainted_ when we told the Weasleys. But at least your family _knows_ about us before we show up together."

I shook my head rapidly, "That won't stop them. _Trust me_."

"The war's behind us, right? The family that's gonna be at the mansion tonight is everyone _not_ in prison. So, they can't all hate me, right?" Harry laughed nervously.

I snorted.

Harry ran a distracted hand through his hair. "All right, fine," he snapped, "so if this is going to be an utter disaster, why are we doing this anyway?"

Finally, a question I knew the answer to, "Because mother said."

_**Winsome Worries**: the drama, comedy, and complete mystery that is Draco Malfoy's mind is coming soon to a computer screen near you! Stay tuned!!_

_yay! two updates to look forward to!! thanks and please review!!_


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